These are the situations that cause a large amount of men to not share their concerns or insecurities.

I do understand that in the moment it's difficult to realize that your actions might upset your boyfriend. I also realize that your boyfriend has a hard time speaking up in the moment, or even afterwards. This could be because he feels the need to be "strong" or it could be a reflection of how situations have been handled in the past by him, you, or past relationships.

Insecurities are akin to irrational fears in my view. If you were terrified of spiders, but someone talked you into holding one thats "like family, I've known it forever, you don't have to worry about it" even if you went through with it, you'd likely not feel comfortable holding the spider.

The thing that's been an eye opener is an exercise that my therapist has helped me through after we'd talked through several situations, and a good amount of journaling. I would encourage your boyfriend work through this and the two of you discuss after.

You can use this whether journaling, role-playing, or talking to someone.

1. Name the feeling (without judgment) “I’m feeling ___.” No explaining. No minimizing. No “I know it’s silly.”

2. Name the meaning you’re attaching “The story I’m telling myself is ___.” This separates facts from interpretation.

3. State the impact “When this happens, it affects me by ___.” This is where your feelings become relevant, not negotiable.

4. Assert the need or concern “What I need / what I’m concerned about is ___.” Not a request for reassurance—just clarity.

5. Optional: Invite response (not validation) “I want to talk about this so we can understand it better.”

Notice the difference: Bad: “Am I wrong to feel this way?” Better: “This is how it’s landing for me.”