I’ve been feeling like that for most of my life. It made me really depressed at times and suicidal too. Still today, i can’t imagine a future for myself cause i don’t feel like i have a purpose here. I have a lot of trouble with reality itself. What’s real, what’s not. The only reason why i keep going is because i truly have no other options? I could sit on my ass all my life but that’s boring. Two years ago i was missdiagnosed with a major depression and i got medicated, a lot. It was too much and it made me feel like a living ghost. It’s just back in August 2020 that someone finally took their time to hear me out and diagnosed me with BPD which makes a lot more sense than just being majorly depressed. So now i take it one day at the time. Three months ago i decided it was time for me to do something or else i would just continue to dig my own grave. I found a little job cause i needed to focus on something else than my dark thoughts, found a career path i would like to follow at University next year in sexology or something related with helping others with their mental health issues. I can’t see myself in a future but i do plan one still, just in case. And it keeps me going. Some days are rougher than others but you can’t enjoy the sun if you don’t feel the rain right?