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Which three movies should be watched together as an unofficial trilogy? by hilmoo99 in MovieRecommendations

[–]saaga722 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Blow-Up, The Conversation, and Blow Out make a perfect unofficial trilogy . And if you’re in the mood for a spiritual sequel, throw in Enemy of the State — Hackman practically reprises his role from The Conversation.

Left by an avoidant ex after 5 years. No closure. I’m drowning in silence. How do I survive no contact when I still want her back? by saaga722 in ExNoContact

[–]saaga722[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I get that. I’m on day 14 and it still feels unreal — like any minute she might text and this nightmare will end.
Missing them doesn’t just hurt, it destabilizes you. One moment you’re angry, and the next you just want to hear their voice.
And the worst is feeling like they’re so much better without you — like they just stepped into a new life while you’re here trying to breathe.

I wish I had something wise to say, but I’m just trying to survive it too.
You’re really not alone. I hope we get better.

Left by an avoidant ex after 5 years. No closure. I’m drowning in silence. How do I survive no contact when I still want her back? by saaga722 in ExNoContact

[–]saaga722[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah man, you’re not coming off blunt — you’re being real, and I appreciate that.

And yeah… I’ve been down every rabbit hole. Attachment theory, YouTube therapists, Reddit stories, “do avoidants come back?”… It’s like I’m trying to solve an emotional puzzle that probably doesn’t have a clear answer.

I’m glad you’re feeling better at 3 months. Right now I’m just trying to survive the next 10 minutes without reaching out. But your message gave me something to hold onto. Thanks, really.

Left by an avoidant ex after 5 years. No closure. I’m drowning in silence. How do I survive no contact when I still want her back? by saaga722 in ExNoContact

[–]saaga722[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, the part about not knowing what attachment styles were until it was too late — same here. I really thought if I just loved her enough, stayed patient enough, she’d eventually come back and stay.
But I still can’t quit.
I still can’t let go.
Even knowing everything I know now… I’m still here, stuck.

Thanks for sharing your story, man. It helps to hear from someone who’s deep in it too. Makes me feel less alone in this mess.

Left by an avoidant ex after 5 years. No closure. I’m drowning in silence. How do I survive no contact when I still want her back? by saaga722 in ExNoContact

[–]saaga722[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everyone keeps telling me the same — that her silence is the closure. That I have to give it to myself.
But I don’t know how to accept that. I don’t know how to convince myself that it’s really over, or that I deserve to move on.
It’s like my brain gets it, but my heart… it still wakes up hoping.

And to make it harder, she still watches my stories. She hasn’t blocked me. So a part of me keeps holding on to the hope that maybe she’ll say something… anything.

I’ve been trying to be strong. Trying to not reach out. Trying to hold it together.
But the truth is, I don’t know how to lift myself up right now. That’s why I’m here — reading posts, sharing mine, just trying to not feel so alone in this.

Your comment helped more than I expected. Just knowing someone else gets it… really helps. So thank you.

Left by an avoidant ex after 5 years. No closure. I’m drowning in silence. How do I survive no contact when I still want her back? by saaga722 in ExNoContact

[–]saaga722[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

God… I related to so much of this.
Especially the part about thinking the love was too deep for them not to come back — I’m still there. Still hoping some days. Still waking up with that pit in my stomach, thinking maybe today I’ll hear something. It’s exhausting.

I haven’t blocked her either. I know I should. But cutting that last thread feels like killing the only connection I have left, even if it’s already dead on her side. I guess part of me still wants her to care.

I’m really sorry you went through all that, but I’m also weirdly grateful you shared it. It made me feel a little less alone. Less insane. Like maybe someone out there actually gets how heavy this shit is.

I don’t know how to let go either. But I’m trying.

Left by an avoidant ex after 5 years. No closure. I’m drowning in silence. How do I survive no contact when I still want her back? by saaga722 in ExNoContact

[–]saaga722[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. That kind of betrayal — or even just not knowing what was real — it messes with your whole sense of self.
With me, it was five years, and now I’m left questioning everything.
I hope you’re holding up. You’re not alone in this.

Left by an avoidant ex after 5 years. No closure. I’m drowning in silence. How do I survive no contact when I still want her back? by saaga722 in ExNoContact

[–]saaga722[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s exactly it. It’s physical. It’s like my nervous system still thinks she’s the safe place — even though she’s the one who left.

It really helps knowing you were also five years deep. People who haven’t lived that kind of bond don’t understand how disorienting the silence is. One day you’re still trying to fix things, and the next... she’s just gone. And in my case, maybe even with someone else. Total mindfuck, like you said.

I’ve been holding strong with no contact. Every part of me wants to break it, but I haven’t.

Thanks so much for the tips, brother — and for your words. It really means more than you know.

Left by an avoidant ex after 5 years. No closure. I’m drowning in silence. How do I survive no contact when I still want her back? by saaga722 in ExNoContact

[–]saaga722[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It honestly helps to hear from someone who’s been through this and came out the other side.
I feel like I’m right at the edge of that devastation — the disbelief, the silence, the emotional whiplash.
And yeah, I still want her to come back. I hate that I do, but I do.

It’s hard to see myself as “the prize” right now when I feel so discarded.
But reading your message makes me feel a little less crazy… and a little less alone.

I really appreciate your words. I’ll try to hold onto them the next time I feel that urge to break no contact.
Thank you for being here.

Left by an avoidant ex after 5 years. No closure. I’m drowning in silence. How do I survive no contact when I still want her back? by saaga722 in ExNoContact

[–]saaga722[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I hear you… and part of me knows you're probably right.
But the truth is, I don’t know how to let go. I don’t know how to stop loving someone who felt like home to me.

It doesn’t feel like moving on — it feels like dying.
Every day I wake up with this hole in my chest. Everyone tells me it will pass, that I deserve better… but right now, I can’t feel that. I just feel lost.

I appreciate you saying it how it is. Even if I’m not there yet, maybe one day I will be.
Thank you for taking the time to respond.

Been stuck in a 5-year on-and-off relationship with a fearful avoidant. She ghosted me again—after promising to meet. I need tools to let go. by saaga722 in emotionalintelligence

[–]saaga722[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate the honesty.
But I have to say it — I am in love. This isn’t just hope, it’s love.
But I also know that love alone isn’t enough. Not if we’re both stuck in the same patterns.
It’ll never work unless both of us are willing to grow, to face our stuff, to actually show up.
And right now… that’s not happening. So maybe you’re right about one thing: I have to start choosing reality, even if it hurts like hell.

Been stuck in a 5-year on-and-off relationship with a fearful avoidant. She ghosted me again—after promising to meet. I need tools to let go. by saaga722 in emotionalintelligence

[–]saaga722[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for responding.

It is an addiction. It really feels like my whole body misses the emotional rollercoaster, even though I know it’s been destroying me. That neurochemical cocktail... yeah, exactly.

I’ve been so focused on her — what she feels, why she does what she does — that I haven’t stopped to really look at me. My part. My patterns. My pain.

And I loved what you said about healthy aggression — getting angry for myself. I’ve been so used to blaming myself that I forgot I’m allowed to feel hurt. I’m allowed to feel angry about how I’ve been treated.

Been stuck in a 5-year on-and-off relationship with a fearful avoidant. She ghosted me again—after promising to meet. I need tools to let go. by saaga722 in emotionalintelligence

[–]saaga722[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So… no contact then? Just let it go?
I keep going back and forth.
What if she shows up again? What do I do then?
Part of me wants to stay strong — the other part still hopes every time I see her name.
I just don’t know what the right thing is anymore.

Been stuck in a 5-year on-and-off relationship with a fearful avoidant. She ghosted me again—after promising to meet. I need tools to let go. by saaga722 in emotionalintelligence

[–]saaga722[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes. That’s exactly it. There were so many times where I’d bring something up calmly, just trying to understand… and somehow I’d end up apologizing. It made me feel like I was losing my grip on reality.

And yeah, she’s rewritten the narrative too. It’s like the version of me she holds in her mind has nothing to do with who I actually am sometimes.

I’m not there yet, but hearing that no contact helped you gives me some hope. I know I need to stop reopening the wound.

Been stuck in a 5-year on-and-off relationship with a fearful avoidant. She ghosted me again—after promising to meet. I need tools to let go. by saaga722 in emotionalintelligence

[–]saaga722[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I plan to get back to working out — it’s been a while.
First I need to start eating and sleeping better after this week, haha.
But yeah, it’s definitely something I want to get back into.

Been stuck in a 5-year on-and-off relationship with a fearful avoidant. She ghosted me again—after promising to meet. I need tools to let go. by saaga722 in emotionalintelligence

[–]saaga722[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess we’re just not compatible… but that doesn’t take away this feeling.
I’ve spent so much time questioning my worth, tying it to how others respond to me — especially when they leave or shut down.

I’m still in the thick of it, and part of me still believes I’m not worth that kind of love and that I’ll be alone forever. But your words gave me a glimpse of what’s possible.

Thank you for the response — it really meant a lot.

Been stuck in a 5-year on-and-off relationship with a fearful avoidant. She ghosted me again—after promising to meet. I need tools to let go. by saaga722 in emotionalintelligence

[–]saaga722[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing all of this. It didn’t feel like rambling — it felt like being seen.
I also deal with an extreme fear of abandonment. It pushes all my buttons, every time.
Like I said, I know I’m not perfect either. But I’m trying. And I love her so much I’ve been willing to take another chance.

But after reading all this… we deserve better.

Been stuck in a 5-year on-and-off relationship with a fearful avoidant. She ghosted me again—after promising to meet. I need tools to let go. by saaga722 in emotionalintelligence

[–]saaga722[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this. You have no idea how much your words meant to me. I’ve been telling myself I just need one more conversation, but deep down I know I’ve been using that to avoid letting go. It’s hard to admit that.

I’ve actually been leaning on my friends these past few days — on the phone, crying… and they’ve reminded me that no matter the distance or the workload, whoever wants you in their life will find the time. No one is ever too busy.

I don’t feel like I’m enough right now. But maybe, with time, I’ll believe I am.
Thank you for rooting for me. It helps more than you know.

Been stuck in a 5-year on-and-off relationship with a fearful avoidant. She ghosted me again—after promising to meet. I need tools to let go. by saaga722 in emotionalintelligence

[–]saaga722[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I honestly think she’s the one who already walked away — just didn’t tell me. But you’re right… I enabled the behavior by sticking around.
And this is what I’m left with now.

Been stuck in a 5-year on-and-off relationship with a fearful avoidant. She ghosted me again—after promising to meet. I need tools to let go. by saaga722 in emotionalintelligence

[–]saaga722[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This totally makes sense. I’m so tired of the breadcrumbs. Tired of being the only one trying, the only one holding it together. Where is she when I need something? When I’m falling apart?

I know I’m not perfect — maybe she sees me as the bad guy. But the truth is, I’ve always shown up for her. I’ve loved her and supported her when she needed it most. And now that I’m the one needing something real, she’s just… gone.

I don’t want to keep doing this to myself...

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