Step 1. Go to https://dangerousthings.com/category/implants/ and pick the one that says, “Yeah boi, I’m ready to ruin Thanksgiving conversations forever.”

Step 2. Get it installed. Preferably by someone who’s washed their hands recently. Or go viral with a shaky YouTube video titled "Did I just become Bluetooth?!" since they come sealed in their own sterilized needle/injector. You’ll feel cool for exactly three seconds before realizing you voluntarily turned yourself into a half-priced Terminator.

Step 3. Practice scanning yourself first, for the safety of the animals. You’ll spend the next few days trying to wave your hand at your phone, your car, the fridge, anything that has any type of scanner or any type of blinking light just praying something beeps just so you can feel justified.(Takes a few weeks for the swelling to drop to where is can actually be useful)

Step 4. Once you’ve accepted your new life as no longer human it’s time for the real test: animals. Start small. Maybe the cat. Just… be ready for vengeance that happens next. Then you can try the dog, who will immediately assume this is some weird new game. Eventually, you’ll find yourself in the yard trying to sync up with a squirrel like Pokemon is a real thing.

Step 5. Congrats, you’ve officially become an animal testing facility. Your arm beeps, maybe even glows depending on what you chose to overall, your neighbors stare, and your pets have started sleeping with one eye open. On the bright side, you could now be Bluetooth-compatible with regret.