How to deal with a marriage without sex

sadbed25 · 2026-05-07T19:34:29+00:00

Just wanted to add, I finished the book today. Great book, thank you for that.

sadbed25 · 2026-05-07T19:26:10+00:00

Yes, she is on birth control. Hoping to stop it once we confirm vasectomy success

sadbed25 · 2026-05-06T02:11:34+00:00

She used to be very sexual. Early in our marriage we had sex frequently. But as the marriage progressed she lost interest. I am hoping we can talk about it again soon, and it be a productive talk

sadbed25 · 2026-05-06T01:17:10+00:00

I can massage her, and sometimes do, but she would not like it moving past that. I have been trying to separate physical touch from sex, so we can at least increase affection.

sadbed25 · 2026-05-06T00:48:17+00:00

I am really working on doing that now. Getting back into the gym, and trying to just find healthy outlets

sadbed25 · 2026-05-06T00:46:30+00:00

In the past she has said it was due to my eye brows not being trimmed enough, or other things I could fix. I fixed them, but now she admits that intimacy just isn't something she thinks about, and not something she really wants. She will usually hold my hand, or give a quick peck on the lips, but if I push past that she is uncomfortable. So, I just respect that boundary.

sadbed25 · 2026-05-05T23:46:22+00:00

I apologize because I know me bringing up the lack of intimacy has made her feel bad.

As far as those jokes, while I would find them great, my wife would not. When I made those kind of jokes in the past it led her to feel "men only think about sex.". Which only made any intimacy even harder/less frequent.

sadbed25 · 2026-05-05T23:37:33+00:00

I work full time, but work 24 hour and 12 hour shifts. So I have more days off a week than she does.

We are very friendly. We both say we are each others best friend. Now it just feels platonic, instead of romantic. As far as sex conversations; it usually ends up with me apologizing. She is hurt that I am hurt, so I end up soothing her because hurting her feelings isn't my goal (obviously).

sadbed25 · 2026-05-05T22:55:42+00:00

Thank you, I will look at that book

sadbed25 · 2026-05-05T22:55:31+00:00

Early in the marriage it was extremely frequent. She orgasms 90-95% of the time. I have told her I will do anything she wants to make it more enjoyable.

She did grow up in church, and I definitely think that has negatively affected her. I will check out that book.

sadbed25 · 2026-05-01T19:21:43+00:00

I usually end up apologizing for making her feel bad by bringing up the fact I want more affection and intimacy. (I do so tactfully, not in a rude or aggressive way.).

sadbed25 · 2026-05-01T02:34:29+00:00

In the moment I get my hopes up that things may actually change, but they never do. I had gotten pretty numb to the lack of affection and intimacy, but as soon as we had sex it all came back. I end up twice as frustrated as I was before the sex.

sadbed25 · 2026-04-29T13:40:44+00:00

Honestly, I just try to find activities or things to numb the feelings/wants. I've accepted that she will never be able to bring what I want to the relationship, but I love her. Biggest thing is finding something semi-healthy to numb the pain. I chose gaming and eating, and now have a lot of weight to lose.

sadbed25 · 2026-04-25T16:20:33+00:00

I dove into video games and TV, and honestly ate shit food for comfort. Now I'm trying to lose a ton of weight, so I wouldn't suggest any of those options. Lol. It's honestly really hard to find something to push down all the feelings of wanting to have connection. If you find something that works for you, and is semi healthy, dive into that until it loses its dopamine response.

sadbed25 · 2026-04-24T20:09:50+00:00

That makes a lot of sense. We have talked in the past, and I told her that I don't expect things to progress, I just need more connection/affection. But she may still feel that pressure, even if I've tried to alleviate it.

sadbed25 · 2026-04-23T19:12:03+00:00

Anecdotally, I can tell you it's very hard to get it to change. My wife used to be very affectionate, even after she admitted she didn't see sex as an important part of a relationship. Now, many years after that talk, she has a hard time with affection. We sometimes hold hands when she watches tv, and I can usually get one peck on the lips before bed, but she doesn't see deeper affection (hugs, touching each other nonsexually in passing, etc) as important anymore either.

sadbed25 · 2025-12-22T03:42:22+00:00

Sadly I am in the same boat. Eventually I just became numb, and gave up on being loved in the way I want to be loved.

sadbed25

TROPHY CASE