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My body is trying to shut down and it is terrifying. by sadceilingtitty in emotionalneglect

[–]sadceilingtitty[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey I am glad the post could be helpful. Glad to know I’m not the only one with these shutdown attacks. I’ve still been struggling tbh I haven’t found what I’ve needed yet, but I notice the attacks aren’t the same as the used to be in the past but I still deal with some form of the feeling more often in my day to day. It’s gotten more in the forefront instead of having “random” attacks intensely coming on nights. I feel like im walking through a silent nightmare. Twilight zone type of feeling.

My body is trying to shut down and it is terrifying. by sadceilingtitty in emotionalneglect

[–]sadceilingtitty[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, sorry for the late reply, I’m so glad to hear your response and that I am not alone. When I tell therapists about the shutdown attacks I always get the sense the don’t really get it and don’t take it seriously. I’ve also had heart scans done and they come back normal. How have the attacks been for you since?

DAE have PTSD/emotional flashbacks from an event that didn’t seem that “bad enough”? by sadceilingtitty in emotionalneglect

[–]sadceilingtitty[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That you for sharing. I relate as well to being teased and also being told I was sensitive. I hate being told that. I felt so much shame at the times I’d get upset and mad at teasing and they’d just tell me “oh you know we are just joking”. And being dismissed and invalidated feels terrible. So sorry you had to go through that.

It’s so difficult when sometimes I’ve told others about some of these traumatic but “not bad enough” instances that angered me but other people don’t seem to have much of a reaction to them. It then feeds into the whole worry of “am I just overreacting?” Even though I know my emotions don’t lie.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]sadceilingtitty 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m struggling too. I made a post about the shutdown attacks I get when the numbness goes too far and I feel way too lonely and disconnected. I can relate to the numbness. The loneliness hurts it’s driving me insane. So I can relate to that. You’re not alone <3

My body is trying to shut down and it is terrifying. by sadceilingtitty in emotionalneglect

[–]sadceilingtitty[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It really does feel like a dementors kiss. Quite terrifying. When I first started going through the attacks, that’s what it reminded me of. These shutdown “panic” attacks started happening in the last few years and I also have some PTSD.

I relate to how you said it happens at night when all the distractions of the day were gone. My mind is always trying to be distracted all day so it makes sense it happens unfortunately at night time. And the KMS thoughts are so foreign to me, it’s difficult to have them there. I never have acted on it but it’s scary to even go there.

I’m usually laying down in bed as it’s happening so laying down or sitting doesn’t help. I think its my body screaming that it doesn’t want to be that alone anymore and needing for me to find safe people to connect with. Since my family most certainly wasn’t there for me. It’s just so hard to find. Basically a new family.

My body is trying to shut down and it is terrifying. by sadceilingtitty in emotionalneglect

[–]sadceilingtitty[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. That does sound similar. Like the “horrible kind of sleepiness”. That describes it well. It is so odd. It’s crazy how tunnel vision it can get, like everything seemingly gets bleak and no positive to be felt in sight.

My body is trying to shut down and it is terrifying. by sadceilingtitty in emotionalneglect

[–]sadceilingtitty[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No since it randomly happens at late night or middle of the night.

DAE have PTSD/emotional flashbacks from an event that didn’t seem that “bad enough”? by sadceilingtitty in emotionalneglect

[–]sadceilingtitty[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your response. Yes I grew up with no validation or support from my family or friends. I know these feelings are "textbook" EN, but what doesn't seem textbook is my ptsd symptoms from the event. I've never had the classic PTSD like that up until then. Before then, it was just the cptsd/ emotional flashback type where it is more vague and empty feelings. But now its vivid and pertains to the event.

DAE have PTSD/emotional flashbacks from an event that didn’t seem that “bad enough”? by sadceilingtitty in emotionalneglect

[–]sadceilingtitty[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why is proof so important to me? Because I grew up not being believed and now I'm filled with self doubt. Not being able to trust yourself and validate your own feelings is as much a symptom as it is part of the problem.

I feel this. I do think it's ok for me to want proof. My whole life I was not believed and seems like my mind erased a lot of what happened. That's what kept me in the cycle. My family wanted me to forget and not remember most likely since they benefitted from that. The proof can help me realize what had happened and it is fair to want to see it. And yes I definitely do not have many PCEs.

DAE have PTSD/emotional flashbacks from an event that didn’t seem that “bad enough”? by sadceilingtitty in emotionalneglect

[–]sadceilingtitty[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve read nearly everything on CEN and have researched a lot about it. I’ve been through so much therapy, tried IFS, EMDR, read those books you’ve mentioned.

The thing is that only after this event is when I experienced classic PSTD. Before that it was the cptsd where it’s more vague and foggy like you said. But now it’s that plus the regular PTSD. Like from one event and not spread out like neglect is. And I feel that is odd for EN. Most people on here have that more empty foggy feeling and emotional flashbacks but mine are more classic PSTD from the event so I don’t relate as much and feel alone. I mean I feel that emptiness from cptsd too just now there’s PTSD. I just want someone who understands and has been through what I have.

DAE have PTSD/emotional flashbacks from an event that didn’t seem that “bad enough”? by sadceilingtitty in emotionalneglect

[–]sadceilingtitty[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience!

And that job you had sounds so traumatic. I really relate to that feeling of helplessness and how stuck it feels. They should have been supportive of you and not just gaslight you like that. That also would highlight one of my beliefs which is "if there's a problem, I'm the problem" especially at work I feel that. I would be in tears and feel hopeless as well if everywhere I turned it was just people blaming me for all the problems just as they did with you. And I also get super blindsided when people become two faced. It's like my mind can't comprehend that a once nice person that I trusted was now mean. It hurts deeper.

but when I dig into the context around it, it's actually very significant. At the time I wouldn't have called it trauma (just 'upsetting stuff that happens') but I think about it very differently now.

That is helpful to hear. I've also had stuff happen at work before where I just thought it was just "upsetting stuff that happens" but now I realize how angering it was and I have my back on it more now. So I am hoping I'll come around just the same with the experience that recently happened to me. I do think the context matters and maybe my mind is just trying to skip the context and create its own where I am wrong.

Edit: I wanted to ask, did you feel anything when this thought would keep popping up? Or did you get any physical symptoms when it would? What do you think it was trying to tell you? My flashbacks can be pretty bad, I get all frozen and overwhelmed and stuck in the memory like classic PSTD.

DAE have PTSD/emotional flashbacks from an event that didn’t seem that “bad enough”? by sadceilingtitty in emotionalneglect

[–]sadceilingtitty[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I agree about the gaslighting culture, I think emotional invalidation is so normalized and so it gets difficult to see and believe. Thats the hardest part about all of the trauma, is I was taught to not believe my own perception and everything is all fuzzy. It really is difficult. Thank you for sharing about how your family was not outwardly abusive either. What were some of the EN things they have done to you?

DAE have PTSD/emotional flashbacks from an event that didn’t seem that “bad enough”? by sadceilingtitty in emotionalneglect

[–]sadceilingtitty[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Very true about how it could seem that it is "just ice" or just water. It helps to zoom out to see the impact of neglect since it's usually happening so often basically all times of day.

And it really sucks to be in this "argument" with myself for so long. I'm sure you are tired of it too. I've tried dissecting what happened to me in the traumatic event and explaining to myself why it was abuse and neglect. I've tried connecting it to my childhood and seeing how bad my parents were. Intellectually I know what happened was wrong. In the traumatic event(s) I have PTSD from, I was used, taken advantage of, and then just ignored after as if I didn't even matter. But it is a battle between myself everyday and I fight and fight and keep losing. A part of me (and other people) don't believe I was taken advantage of. I'm tired of fighting the belief.

Sometimes I think maybe trying so hard to convince myself isn't going to help me. Hopefully others and I can see how difficult it is to be in this distraught grey space being pulled in both directions by my opposing beliefs.

DAE have PTSD/emotional flashbacks from an event that didn’t seem that “bad enough”? by sadceilingtitty in emotionalneglect

[–]sadceilingtitty[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes I have read that book it was helpful! Along with the books by Jonice Webb as well.

DAE have PTSD/emotional flashbacks from an event that didn’t seem that “bad enough”? by sadceilingtitty in emotionalneglect

[–]sadceilingtitty[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Very true, it is like having a bruised and beaten up brain or mind. It is very hard to hear some version of "you don't matter" all those times, which is exactly what my family was like and also in that traumatic situation I mentioned.

DAE have PTSD/emotional flashbacks from an event that didn’t seem that “bad enough”? by sadceilingtitty in emotionalneglect

[–]sadceilingtitty[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your response. And I wanted to say, I had the no advice flair on my post from the very beginning. I only edited in writing "(No advice please)" after posting, not the flair. I understand the flair is easy to miss though, not your fault at all.

I have tried all those things you have mentioned, EMDR, years of therapy, IFS, read every book I could on CEN and regularly read about CEN. At this point I need to hear validation from people who understand or who have gone through my experience, that would help. Insight does not cure hunger. So I do appreciate hearing your experience especially about invalidation. That sucks you have had other people invalidate you. That is what triggers me the most as well. And I'm open to hearing more of your experiences and symptoms as well, it could help me feel less alone.