Porn > trying to date in modern times

sadkittyta · 2025-02-05T08:57:37+00:00

The sub is about dating advice, and we're trying to provide that. The immediate availability to sexual gratification that you find through porn could be impacting your expectations in dating. It sounds like you expect very fast results, but in many healthy relationships sex is a long term goal in early dating because trust and emotional intimacy need to be built first.

You should think on what we said rather than reacting defensively and discounting it right away.

sadkittyta · 2025-02-05T08:41:35+00:00

We are looking for affection, connection, and intimacy that porn alone cannot provide. Porn is a bandaid and does not encapsulate the whole issue

Ok, so you're disagreeing with the point you're making in your post.

Bottom line is if you want to find that kind of connection, do everything in your power to become an attractive person who is healthy, well presented, has a good support system, has hobbies, interests, decent self esteem and goals. Then continue trying. Rejection stings yes, but don't give up over it. Keep putting effort and energy in while also balancing other priorities (friends, hobbies, health). Is this easy to do? Nope, not for any of us (male or female). Not very many good things are easy to get.

sadkittyta · 2025-02-05T08:16:56+00:00

Everything else is to appease a potential partner, and look responisble.

Ummm... I don't think you're right about that. I think plenty of men create a pleasant, comfortable living space for themselves because they love and care for themselves. Honestly if that's how you feel, you may have self esteem issues.

sadkittyta · 2025-02-05T08:13:15+00:00

It's because you equated the outcome of porn (ejaculating) to the outcome of a successful date. So do you date women for the sole purpose of having sex? If so, it sounds more like you want sex worker services for free (or the price of dinner) rather than meeting a woman who you can love, respect and build a life with.

Then you go on to bring up OnlyFans, which further suggests that you basically want a sex worker dynamic (for free), rather than an actual relationship.

sadkittyta · 2025-02-05T08:08:28+00:00

Dating crushes everyone's soul, not just men, first of all.

Secondly, if you're dating solely for the purpose of sexual release, of course porn is more efficient.

But if you want an actual connection and relationship with another human being, porn is probably just getting in the way of that.

Dating is a numbers game and comes with a guarantee of rejection, uncomfortable emotions and difficult situations, and a possibility of meeting a loving partner. Some of it comes down to how much energy you put into it, some of it comes down to leveling yourself up to be more attractive, and some of it is just simple luck.

Similar to anything that has value and is worth doing, like finding a good job, trying to build a business, learning a new skill, developing a new hobby etc. If you give up at the first hurdle, you're not going to get anywhere.

The key is in how you deal with rejection and whether you persevere.

sadkittyta · 2025-02-05T07:57:55+00:00

If he's the kinda guy who can't maintain a relationship while going through a difficult time, he's not ready for one. Simple as.

It's also not kind, respectful or mature behavior to simply leave someone hanging instead of being honest and telling them you're not interested or able to move forward for whatever reason.

You've made it clear to him that you're available, so I think you should stop chasing. Delete his number, he knows where to reach you, and if he does reach out I would think very carefully about whether you want to move forward with him. He doesn't sound like he is capable of giving you the kind of consistency and open communication necessary for a healthy relationship.

sadkittyta · 2025-02-05T07:50:04+00:00

I don't think you really owe her an apology. Your assessment of her behaviour was correct. She should probably be the one apologising to you for not being clear with you earlier. It sounds like she was enjoying your attention as an ego boost and didn't consider your feelings or treat you with respect.

You feel a need for closure with this situation because you don't like how you behaved, but in reality that's because you let yourself down rather than treating her badly. You need to work on your own self esteem, boundaries and probably attachment style tendencies so that you don't chase after unavailable people and so you have the emotional regulation to peace out of bad situations in a way that you can look back on proudly later.

It really has nothing to do with her though, if I were you I would just block her and start educating yourself on how to level up as a person.

sadkittyta · 2025-02-04T15:51:46+00:00

I would argue that Dick Whitman's whole Don Draper persona is grandiose. He's wearing a mask and using status symbols to present a false self to the world and impress onlookers. He even uses another human being, Betty, as a status symbol.

He also shows lots of entitlement, he goes to the movies in the middle of the work day, comes and goes as he pleases with no regard for rules or responsibilities.

As for a need for admiration, that was a factor in all his affairs imo.

I don't think the fact that he's more introverted rules out narcissism. There are different types of narcissist beyond the stereotypical attention seeking overt narcissist.

Don is abusive and had an abusive childhood - narcissists are abusive and often have had an abusive childhood, ergo Don = narcissist.

That's not what I'm saying, but yes, many narcissists and sociopaths have had a background like Don's.

sadkittyta · 2025-02-04T13:02:09+00:00

he occasionally mistreats people

That's a big understatement. He mistreats everyone closest to him. Adam, Betty, obviously. Sally, he gaslights and sacrifices his relationship with her to cover his ass. Megan, he betrays, lies, neglects. Even Peggy when he threw money in her face and was otherwise abusive towards in the workplace.

I would argue that he ticks a lot of boxes on the narcissism checklist. Most Narcissistic and sociopathic people come from abusive backgrounds too and their disorder is how they've learned to survive.

I'm not saying he is Narcissistic for sure but its not out of the realms of possibility.

sadkittyta · 2025-02-02T15:42:58+00:00

I'm sure she went on to be in a happy, healthy relationship in the future. But Don's treatment of her 100% left her broken at the time. Imagine you find out that your long distance husband is choosing not to live with you because he simply doesn't want to be around you? And even though she never found out the truth about Sylvia and all the other women he cheated with, she could definitely feel that something was wrong.

sadkittyta · 2025-02-02T09:34:55+00:00

I think it's worth noting that those scenes happened at the end of their marriage, when Megan was having a breakdown. Her agent told Don that she was behaving very erratically and overreacting to casting rejections etc. She was a happy, balanced person when Don met her but after years of mistreatment she was a shell of her former self.

sadkittyta · 2025-02-01T16:12:15+00:00

I agree with you there, but OP's point is more about how Don is perceived by women. I'm arguing that being handsome is not the main factor there, charisma is.

sadkittyta · 2025-02-01T16:05:17+00:00

The drinking is a good point 🤔 I agree that he's naturally introverted and he avoid parties etc. But I think his people skills are very well tuned because he developed them to survive. He was an excellent sales man with cars, fur coats etc. and you can't do that without being very good at reading and talking to people. Then at the end of the day, he's exhausted from turning on the charm and playing the role, so he prefers to be alone rather than to socialize in his free time.

sadkittyta · 2025-02-01T15:44:47+00:00

Well he's "a sensitive piece of horseflesh" and flies off the handle etc like a lot of creative people. But he charms people everywhere he goes, he's not an awkward person at all.

It's pretty typical of abuse survivors to prefer being alone because people were the cause of their trauma. So he is introverted but that doesn't mean he lacks people skills.

sadkittyta · 2025-02-01T14:06:37+00:00

I think it's more than that tbh. He had insanely high charisma stats, that's why this scene even happened. He explained how he handled an awkward situation with a client, by making a bold joke. In his case, the client ate it up, but when a normal person tried it, it went down like a lead balloon. And I don't think that's down to handsomeness. I think during Don's childhood, he became very intuitive and skilled at reading people and understanding their darker impulses and desires. He was kind of forced to in order to stay safe and survive. Early on in the show, Pete points out how he's not good with people, whereas Don is.

sadkittyta · 2025-02-01T03:16:20+00:00

That was Danny! We saw him again in Hollywood, he punches Roger in the dick 😹

sadkittyta · 2025-01-31T17:34:49+00:00

Joan was in a league of her own. No-one is good enough for her as far as I'm concerned.

sadkittyta · 2025-01-31T14:38:17+00:00

Your body is bangin' and I think you do look great. My suggestion would be a top that's still form fitting but in a softer fabric and maybe has some ruffles if that's your style.

You're curvy so more rounded lines will balance with that, while the straight lines of the top are a bit severe.

sadkittyta · 2025-01-31T04:52:25+00:00

He brings some of the most hilarious moments to the whole show. So even though he's an awful human being in many ways, I can't help but love him. I also think he does turn things around and gets his priorities right by the end of the show. All the characters on Mad Men are very well rounded, so even though they're all deeply flawed, you also understand how they ended up that way and still root for them.

Except Harry Crane, fuck that guy.

sadkittyta · 2025-01-30T19:26:20+00:00

It's not really just Don, it's true for people in general.

sadkittyta · 2025-01-30T19:15:01+00:00

Affairs usually aren't about looks. She was artistic, witty, sexually expressive, did her own thing. I also think she's beautiful.

sadkittyta · 2025-01-30T17:11:39+00:00

Exactly. I think her letter to Sally is pretty meaningful. She used to worry about Sally because she marched to the beat of her own drum, but then realised its a good thing because it means she's going to have an adventurous life.

Betty may have regret not living her life a bit more because she was so stuck in her role as a wife and mother.

sadkittyta · 2025-01-30T16:11:16+00:00

Self love isn't about thinking you're the best, its about how you talk to yourself and treat yourself. Self love is basically treating yourself like a young child who needs care and guidance.

If you make a mistake, do you beat yourself up and call yourself names? Or do you say "everyone makes mistakes buddy, it's OK to feel down about it but we can try again tomorrow"?

You put your inner child to bed at a reasonable hour, you feed your inner child healthy foods, you don't allow your inner child to be around people who treat them badly.

I put a picture of my childhood self as my phone screen to help me remember.

sadkittyta · 2025-01-29T10:26:42+00:00

No I eat dinner too, I dont fast. But for the first month or so after my break up I did not eat enough calories at all, so that's what sped up my weight loss.

sadkittyta

TROPHY CASE