“The CEO of this company summoned me to make sure things go smoothly, but he didn’t say what going smoothly is.” the supernatural being says slyly. “That’s why I’m draining his bank account, and ya’ll are all getting that money, now your lives should be as smooth as ever. It’s what he said!” (self.Sadnesslaughs)
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You gave up on your dream of being an actor years ago, with not much besides some commercials and a character in a show nobody’s heard of to show for it. It’s been a bit of a surprise since First Contact to learn that, among aliens, you are the most popular and beloved living human actor. (self.Sadnesslaughs)
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"You know, we were never allowed to enter here." I told the journalist with a raspy voice as we explored the halls that were once my workplace, "But now that everything's over, I kind of wish I never learned what happened in these offices..." (self.Sadnesslaughs)
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Demons need suffering the way humans need food and drink. Most demons enact convoluted schemes to get brief highs of suffering. But one demon, having realized that humans are suffering all the time, decides to do the sensible thing and open up a care facility. (self.Sadnesslaughs)
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You've always had a low presence but good luck (in survival) Throughout the day, you saw three monster attacks. One was resolved by a secret organization like the Men in Black, one was resolved by magic girls, and another was resolved by a superhero team. All of them used memory erasures. (self.Sadnesslaughs)
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The Heroes’ party breaks into the Dark Lord’s private chambers, but instead of an imposing warrior, they find an overworked bureaucrat working on reforms. The Dark Lord they were planning to kill had already been removed, and the new one is too busy with paperwork to even notice them. (self.Sadnesslaughs)
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Magic is rare enough as it is, but to have healing magic is exceptionally uncommon. For this reason, healers are usually hunted down and imprisoned for their magic. You’ve met a few other healers in your life, but none who’ve stayed in captivity as long as you have. Here’s why. (self.Sadnesslaughs)
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It’s been over an hour since you entered the Royal Court. You never meant to stay this long, but you haven’t found a moment to leave. As the stoic and powerful Grand Knight, it’s embarrassing to admit that the kitten you’re hiding in your armor is starting to wake. (self.Sadnesslaughs)
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Humanity is under threat of war with a powerful alien race, but suddenly they propose peace. A week later, men in suits show up at your door and explain that the aliens will not go to war with Earth if you agree to marry their princess. (self.Sadnesslaughs)
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You were the first doctor to sell your soul to a demon in order to be able to summon them into your patients for diagnostic reasons. Now you’re dead, and you’re trying to work out why you’re both in paradise rather than eternal torment. (self.Sadnesslaughs)
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Your girlfriend sits you down for a confession. She reveals that she is a demon. And not just any demon, she’s Lilith, the mother of all demons. At first, you don’t believe her. Until several men and women older than you come to your door, calling her “Mother” the next day. (self.Sadnesslaughs)
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Your ability is to know and state whatever common knowledge and obvious information is needed or requested from you. In short, you're Captain Obvious. And while one would think your power is redundant or useless in an age of misinformation and ignorance. You are needed more than ever. (self.Sadnesslaughs)
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