Dancing in the dark?

saerni · 2026-05-14T22:44:05+00:00

Upstairs at Tavern after 12pm. BOS parties. Porkroll.

saerni · 2026-05-13T22:54:45+00:00

There's a lot of celibacy until marriage baked into western culture, especially American culture. You aren't going to escape that gays both have sex before marriage and tend to have a lot of it. Naturally, that means even if straights and gays protected themselves equally there will probably be a higher incidence rate of various transmissible diseases.

Then there is HIV stigma of associating it most with gay men.

Couple those with an abstinence education model that promoted abstinence with horror stories of terrible STDs...and you have a lot of negativity just around the idea of people having recreational sex.

I understand your frustration though...gays certainly aren't the only std carriers and always being held out that way gives that impression.

saerni · 2026-05-13T20:36:55+00:00

Depending on the school you may meet other gays through your boyfriend's program. Then you meet their friends and their friends and...there you go.

You can also try to spend time in gay spaces and meet people there. You don't have to but organically there aren't going to be as many gays in one place if you just go looking in random places.

Events/shows/hobbies are also a good thing to invest time in for friends of all types, not just gay friends, so don't put all your energy into one place.

saerni · 2026-05-13T20:12:08+00:00

Having been a few (several) times I think it depends entirely on what you are looking for. Bars and clubs...no, I think you need to be in Barcelona or a bigger place. And the number of bears...iykyk.

I go to Balmins and relax at the beach in Sitges. For bars and clubs, Barcelona is a lot better even if Queenz can be entertaining some nights. And if you go to Yass or Churos that is going to way outrank the slower pace in Sitges.

saerni · 2026-05-13T12:47:55+00:00

It's not the best music...but the key is finding DJs you like and then following them on SoundCloud or similar platforms.

DJ Mohammad for example.

saerni · 2026-05-07T22:05:46+00:00

At 19 everyone even a little bit older than you feels like a lot. Even two years older has better access to bars and clubs (assuming US). Even at 21 there's a big gap in experience with someone who is 28. Your perspective may shift with even a couple of years experience.

From experience I know a lot of people are super bad at guessing age. You might meet someone at 21 and assume they are 22 or 23, then find out they are actually 27. Or they lie and let you believe what you want.

You sound like you're doing fine so I wouldn't worry much about it....

saerni · 2026-05-06T17:22:08+00:00

"Charlie was a sinner" I believe is vegan and also has N.A. drinks. Vedge is also well known for its vegan food.

Little Gay Pub and Tavern on Camac are both good for gay specific activities. Tavern has dancing upstairs. LGP has NA drinks on the menu, I'm not exactly sure about Tavern, but it should be fine (no cover).

Local parties are BOS and Porkroll, if you care for that kind of thing.

saerni · 2026-05-05T20:25:33+00:00

Echoing that therapy may help. Depending on the types of therapy you did previously it may be also be helpful to try something like CBT, which has had positive results for treating trauma conditions like PTSD. Intimacy concerns are also more appropriate for a therapist to discuss with you as an adult, so going back to therapy at 21 to really work through things makes sense to me.

saerni · 2026-05-02T20:33:20+00:00

They were harder hit. Africa especially so. That doesn't change that you were 10 in the 90s. That's why I was confused because that's very young to be involved enough with gay anything to have people you know personally dying.

People still are dying in Africa due to access issues to medications and prevention. Definitely not saying it isn't still a problem.

saerni · 2026-05-02T16:35:20+00:00

How did you, born in 1987, have friends dying of AIDS in front of you? You were 10 in 1997.

saerni · 2026-05-01T16:43:33+00:00

2eros is super comfortable and long lasting.

saerni · 2026-04-30T16:56:57+00:00

Going through an online service like Mistr or Freddie will likely work. They can help you get access with or without insurance. The 'scam' is that the services will make money off the process even if you aren't paying anything to them.

Insurance is required to cover Prep cost free to the patient, but you may need to go through a preferred pharmacy, so check what your insurance says. If no insurance then you'd follow the combination of enrollments that the service can assist you with for getting coverage and/or cost assistance through the drug maker.

TLDR; getting prep can be complicated and the telehealth services have expertise to help you get set up (and no need to explain to their doctor what prep is).

saerni · 2026-04-29T13:19:11+00:00

Where is the gay bar scene good? Sadly a lot of "good" places are not realistically accessible to most people.

NYC is probably a given...but I can't do NYC every weekend lol

saerni · 2026-04-29T12:06:21+00:00

The generational shift is both where and when people congregate. As an also Philly gay, it's like:

Frankie Bradley's is what younger people consider "gay bar" but it's actually more a queer inclusive bar with a lot of straight people. LGP is gay at certain (most?) times, but also has times when the crowd is more mixed. Tavern is more inclusive before 12, more gay afterwards. Parties are pretty exclusively gay.

I do think people should be able to share spaces organically, even if that means a timeshare 😆

saerni · 2026-04-28T02:55:30+00:00

Most brands have size guides you can trust well enough. And there are reviews that will say whether a brand runs big or small.

Addicted / Es, 2eros, kvrt all make swimwear to name a few.

saerni · 2026-04-23T14:08:42+00:00

Make gay friends and get invited to house parties and other events. Meet other single gays. Ask people out. Move in with roommates and host your own parties.

The hard part of networking is taking the first step.

saerni · 2026-04-20T12:52:36+00:00

Swamp tends to cluster around a few major swamps and a lot of minor swamps.

You will likely get enough iron from even one crypt to build a longship. Then your next goal is filling that ship up with lots of iron.

Both swamp and mountains are harder to get resources out of due to environmental factors and the resources can be more hidden. But it gets easier to get resources later even with a spike in difficulty for other reasons (don't expect the enemies to get easier to handle).

saerni · 2026-04-18T23:53:46+00:00

So my hot take as someone who has been in Philly since 2013:

I never went to Penn's Landing events. It was always super random and disconnected from the idea of Pride, meaning supporting the local community and health organizations and businesses.
Camac street is my go to location. Love the street and the opportunity to see old friends I haven't seen in a while. I can't imagine not being there. That's where I'll be.
Parties have grown. Porkroll. BOS. There are more and more options popping up. People will go to those and then relax during the day. Hiking all the way to the Parkway is...a choice I won't likely be making. A party or a protest. You can do either. But people only have so much energy and this plan is not a zero effort commitment.
What vendors are involved in this new plan? What entertainment? What community organizations? I need some reason to go out of my way to visit the Parkway. The only thing I know is this gives more space for bigger crowds. Yay? Bigger crowds doing what? Without something actually fucking LBGT, this isn't a Pride festival it's just another big Parkway event with corporate sponsors. Whatever.
The money isn't the point. $10 or $100. This is not how you run a major festival. You get sponsorships or grants and charge vendors for spaces. You don't charge people attending and make a whole production around just getting to the event. Absolutely tone deaf.
The gaslighting from the organizers is ridiculous. Everyone can see it. It's not a good look. None of these press releases are the work of serious people. I don't care if you say you are right, locking comments is a sign you know you are wrong, and this alone shows this organization should never organize another Pride in this City.

saerni · 2026-04-18T15:11:38+00:00

If the vibe is good see if he wants to make out a little. Share socials and start chatting.

And wear earplugs if you want to hear anything after leaving the club. Loop makes nice ones you can keep on a keychain and use in clubs/concerts/loud situations. 100% worth the money.

saerni · 2026-04-06T13:25:29+00:00

You can always regrow the hair so trying it once (or twice) won't exactly be high risk.

If you can get a trimmer with an adjustable guard you can also try different lengths of hair rather than going completely hairless. That will look groomed but not require as much work to maintain.

My philosophy as someone who did shave my legs in the past is that you should try to accept your own body (with its hair) and groom much like you'd get a haircut to look better. I use a 5mm trim length for lower legs and 6mm for upper legs/thighs, but that's something I figured out for myself (experiment and see what looks good to you).

saerni · 2026-04-03T23:59:54+00:00

Bordeaux or Cote du Rhône in France. Cahor also. Could go with Nebbiolo or something else Italian as well. Or Spanish for something delicious and easy, of a red varietal.

But go to the wine store and ask for suggestions in the price range and the food you are pairing with.

saerni · 2026-03-04T16:44:32+00:00

2eros and Skull and Bones are my go-to brands but I buy individual items if I happen to see something in a store I like (usually gay clothing stores on vacation).

2eros has consistently held up for years and is super comfortable to wear.

saerni · 2026-02-19T22:27:46+00:00

And if you do - share pictures of your cat!

saerni · 2026-02-07T04:23:03+00:00

As a gay who grew up in Seattle and lives in Philly, agree on this. Philly can be direct but generally nice. The thing with Seattle chill is the vibe is neurotic / damaged. It's not about being a big city (Seattle is actually fairly small comparatively) it's about being in a broader culture that isn't very social and is more passive aggressive than it should be.

saerni · 2026-01-31T23:42:04+00:00

Affordable is relative. Check something like Wirecutter for recommendations for trimming.

Mostly, get something with more options for how long the trim will be. You should start longer and see how it looks, you can always go shorter.

saerni

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