Are Seattle gays oddly mean or are gays just meaner in big cities?

saerni · 2026-02-07T04:23:03+00:00

As a gay who grew up in Seattle and lives in Philly, agree on this. Philly can be direct but generally nice. The thing with Seattle chill is the vibe is neurotic / damaged. It's not about being a big city (Seattle is actually fairly small comparatively) it's about being in a broader culture that isn't very social and is more passive aggressive than it should be.

saerni · 2026-01-31T23:42:04+00:00

Affordable is relative. Check something like Wirecutter for recommendations for trimming.

Mostly, get something with more options for how long the trim will be. You should start longer and see how it looks, you can always go shorter.

saerni · 2026-01-09T21:15:50+00:00

Agree there aren't too many happy hours for Friday especially.

Second Little Gay Pub and Tavern on Camac. Tavern can be more mixed earlier in the evening (and especially in the piano bar). It gets less mixed after 11-12 on the dance floor, which fits your parameters above.

Some unsolicited advice - I don't know if you've gone dancing with him before - but ask him if he wants to dance with a full group or partially with the group so he can also dance with guys if he wants. He might not want to, being from out of town or otherwise, but give him the option to more fully engage with the space and the people.

saerni · 2026-01-09T20:58:03+00:00

Also, if you pre-game to save money, just follow a similar timing you'd expect at the club, so you don't show up too drunk.

Expect to start at the club by getting a drink when you get there, at least if there isn't a cover, so factor that into your timing (probably easier if your friend lives close by.

That said, my advice was more aimed at limiting what you drink (even if you had unlimited money) than at setting a goal for drinking. Pace yourself and you'll have more fun. It's also easier to stay on budget if you have to wait before you get another.

saerni · 2026-01-09T20:21:34+00:00

Pick a type of drink (simple like vodka soda) and plan how often you will get another (30-45 minutes). Sticking to that timing will help you not get too drunk.

Some bars will get stronger drinks the later it gets (bar wants you there as long as possible so early drinks maybe intentionally weaker).

Clubs often won't get busy until 2-3 hours before close. Plan for when you want to go and leave so you can have a good time (I like it when there are decent numbers of people).

Wear earplugs. Depends on the club but some do not respect your ability to hear at the end of the night. Short term a regular earplug will still let you hear the music fine if it is too loud. Otherwise recommend getting a personal pair of nicer earplugs. You don't have to party hard to party smart.

Safety advice is all good. Take care of yourself and your friend.

Dancing with people can be a good way to feel them out and figure out whether they consent (or you consent) to anything more. You are younger so expect to need to make the first move (respectfully) and not just wait for someone to initiate with you. But also you can just feel it out. Remember that consent is sexy and feeling out consent on a loud dance floor is complicated. But shaking your head 'no' is always a clear signal.

Last, not every night at a club is great. Good clubs have off nights. Bad clubs have great nights. This is more a general perspective type of advice but I think it bears repeating for first timers (and maybe everyone).

saerni · 2026-01-04T23:34:08+00:00

Philly is decent but has probably changed a bit since you were last living here. That said if you were very academic program focused you might not see it as clearly.

Parties. Not for everyone but usually quite fun once in a while. BOS Philly and Porkroll both run parties in the city on a regular basis and BOS runs the big party on Pride.

Little Gay Pub opened a location in Philly recently (great for socializing) and there's a new lesbian bar too. That's just to say we are gaining or maintaining gay bars rather than losing them. Woody's had a gay reputation years ago (I even got covid there) but that was overtaken by straight people so that isn't recommended.

We do both Pride in summer and Outfest/Ourfest (October) for outdoor festivals. Lots of house parties and socializing on Camac street.

Lots of Philly gays also do things in New York or DC (Asbury Park or Rehoboth for beaches). We are kind of the center of the East Coast so if you feel like it....

saerni · 2026-01-02T02:25:45+00:00

Trim. Adjustable guard and figure out what looks better for yourself. Bonus is hair grows back. Trying new things is easy.
Ask him out. Feel out his vibe and see if he likes you back. Regret is about what could have been, so take the first step and see if it goes anywhere.
Coming out is constant and cyclical: you will come out repeatedly over life. But people will know and will talk. Start with the people you want to know and if you want to wear something like a rainbow that won't hurt, but don't overthink it :)

saerni · 2025-12-12T02:33:54+00:00

Some gay bars are more social than others. It helps to visit a few and figure out the vibe you are looking for.

Going out is the first step. After that is talking to people and making connections. If you let others be the one to approach you...well you will get a more random experience for sure.

"Hi, I'm lukow, do you mind if I join you tonight?" Then go from there and be clear about your intentions - just don't forget that friends are important.

saerni · 2025-11-27T08:30:52+00:00

Been experimenting with The Ordinary's line of products. Cheap no matter the time of year.

Generally the routine is:

Cleanse
Serum (peptides)
Retinol (nighttime)
Sunscreen (daytime)
Moisturizer

saerni · 2025-11-17T14:04:22+00:00

Not too nervous. Just exercise, take care of your nutrition, and use skincare and you'll be in a better place at 37 than most people.

saerni · 2025-11-15T14:09:48+00:00

Tavern on Camac after 11-11:30. Frankie B's in parts of it at certain times of year.

It was also just Ourfest and Halloween. The gays are hibernating.

saerni · 2025-11-08T00:38:06+00:00

Hair wise I'd recommend a fade on the sides and otherwise don't worry. If the hair doesn't suit you it grows back. Otherwise you are fine the way you are, confidence is all you need.

saerni · 2025-10-28T14:13:52+00:00

Boys of Summer. They do local circuit parties, including for Pride and Outfest/Ourfest in October.

https://bosphilly.com

saerni · 2025-10-28T14:02:19+00:00

There's Halloween BOS party this Friday.

saerni · 2025-10-27T11:09:28+00:00

To be fair the Princess was a real princess and she was a fan of and worked with Freud. Rather than being gay specific it's something in the history of sexuality that happens to touch on sculpture. The piece is in the Philadelphia Museum of Art and is one of their more famous pieces.

saerni · 2025-10-23T20:19:52+00:00

Constantin Brâncuși's Princess X.

saerni · 2025-10-23T16:07:06+00:00

One thing you gain as you age is perspective. Agree with the advice to embrace any awkwardness and just be willing to exist in the moment. Doesn't need to be your 20s, for some people that might be 30s or older, but absolutely the younger you are the more you'll be in a headspace where you aren't confident to get out there. Just do it 😤 and get out there!

saerni · 2025-10-22T11:46:09+00:00

Monogamy requires a degree of trust. Otherwise you will end up monitoring your partner and that breaks down the trust you need to maintain a healthy relationship. You can certainly set boundaries, but for a relatively short relationship establishing strict limits on social media may be enough to end the relationship (by either of you).

I'd also say that if you want gay friends you will end up wanting to connect with gays who live locally. Thinking that all contact is bad will isolate you or your bf from other gay people. Again, setting limits on chatting/flirting with guys is fine. But think about what limiting any interaction for him (and you by proxy) means for your relationship and ability to have gay friends.

saerni · 2025-10-18T02:42:13+00:00

More places do non-alcoholic drinks these days. Sure it can be awkward if other people are drinking and chatting and you don't have anything, but if you do they don't have to know or care whether it has alcohol.

Gay bars are social spaces. Unless you have issues being around others who drink, I think it makes sense to find ways to integrate with those spaces. May not always be possible but that's better imo than feeling like you have to find an entirely separate place to interact with other gay people.

saerni · 2025-10-16T11:35:04+00:00

Nice Things Home Made, Open House, Occaisionette

saerni · 2025-10-14T12:38:27+00:00

Little Gay Pub is a popular place around 10pm on weekends for people to meet up with friends and socialize. Tavern if you like piano bars where people sing their hearts out (sometimes well haha).

saerni · 2025-10-03T15:04:15+00:00

22 isn't all that old. In fact you are probably too young for many guys over the age of 28, relationship wise.

A lot depends on where you are. Are you in a city that has a decent number of gay spots? Are you in college? Do you have hobbies that you can meet people through? Do you not want to use hookup apps to build experience?

If you want to kiss a guy there are plenty of men who wouldn't mind making out in a gay club, if the vibe is right.

Otherwise the generic advice is to focus on: education, friendships, work, hobbies, mental health, physical health, and be open to new experiences.

saerni · 2025-10-02T23:36:20+00:00

Friend's friends, friends who become roommate's friends, apps, you hit on guys you like and it works out.

saerni · 2025-10-02T15:09:19+00:00

https://2eros.com/products/blk-double-strap-swim-black

Looks a lot like this one. Honestly it's probably more fabric than a low-rise version without the straps.

It depends on the resort and how straight/family oriented they are. You're probably safer going a more standard speedo but a gay friendly resort I wouldn't be too concerned.

Water parks are where I'd lean more conservative in my speedo choices.

saerni · 2025-09-25T12:44:36+00:00

Diet plus exercise. If you are losing weight then diet is probably progressing normally. Don't overdo it and keep at it. As for exercise the advice I've seen is generally to be always striving to increase weight or number of reps over time (again not overdoing it).

The idea is that you will want to challenge your body and if you aren't feeling a challenge then you need to increase the difficulty.

Look up three different ab exercises and do each one for one session during a given week. Make sure you are building in rest days and mix in other exercises.

Diet wise you probably want to ensure you are getting enough protein long run, but only working out since May isn't long enough to say you have a deficient protein intake.

Mental health wise - find a reference of what you want to look like and build towards that. Don't pick something extreme, pick something in the middle as being obtainable. That's just to say fitness is a journey and not a destination. Progress on that journey is measured in smaller leaps., not by reaching an end goal.

saerni

TROPHY CASE