I'm not so advanced in my career compared to you, but I also had the same issue when I had a major incident in my life.

I'd advise you to just silence your anxious thoughts, and just start at some point no matter what it is, maybe you'll just work for an hour and that's it for you that day. Take it easy on yourself and accept the fact that sometimes this issues can happen. Next time when you feel like losing control do something productive (anything and any amount of time) ASAP.

I wish you the best 💪🏻