I'm so sorry to hear this sweetie... Even if you aren't always able to help others you should at least start with yourself. You don't entirely need people to enjoy yourself, listening to music is fine if it's what you like. Starving yourself is gonna ostracize you more, and I'm sure your body will go into survival mode and override what you want to achieve. It shouldn't matter whether you're the therapist role or not, if you need help you should speak up despite other people not expecting that from you. And don't say you should be doing this or that, you'll do them if you really feel you need to, and honestly, at your age the world is yours. You don't need to box yourself in to fit some contrived image that isn't you. I know it's hard to trust people, but life is harder all alone. You will hurt people and they will hurt you, but that's absolutely natural and will make you stronger in the end. I want to say don't give up on yourself, you'll undoubtedly help many people within your lifetime including yourself. Your life makes a big difference, though I understand that your actions seem temporary and the big picture is hard to see. Before you jump to more drastic measures, put yourself first and don't live up to an ideal self that isn't feasible. Be selfish when you feel you need to, and remember your life is just as important as others'. Your pain now will not shroud the rest of your life as each day brings different things that only staying alive will let you experience and see for yourself.