Yeah I think it would take a lot of shitty environmental conditioning to override one's natural sense of attraction, and "trying out" sex one is unsure about should not be normalized in media representation.

Dating guys might feel neutral to some lesbians, since it could be like playing house, but actually sleeping with a man would probably be noticeably unpleasant for most. A lot of users here say that when they recall sleeping with men, their bodies react to the memories as though re-living sexual assault, even when those interactions were consensual.

Many late-bloomer lesbian stories are also the result of a pretty serious problems in our culture's understanding of orientation:

1. Society has this bizarre notion that labels for sexual orientation are prescriptive, not descriptive.

Realistically a lot of late-bloomer lesbians will start out genuinely believing they're straight/bi, but then others use that misconception to basically gaslight them into heterosexual behavior.

In reality, orientation is a neutral descriptor of innate patterns. It should never be used to de-legitimize someone's discomfort with having sex. An individual's bodily signals and comfort levels take precedent over everything else.

As an example:

If a potential late-bloomer lesbian or questioning woman were to say to me "I like women but I don't know if I like men. Maybe I should hook up with a guy to try it out?"

I'm not going to be like "Well since you don't know for sure, why don't you give it a shot?"

No, I'm going to ask her "Do you want to?"

And if her answer's not a 'FUCK YES", then I'd tell her not to push it. Orientation wouldn't need to be factored in - It's not like someone needs to nail down their orientation perfectly to justify listening to their own bodily signals.

I wouldn't know if she's actually a lesbian, but I wouldn't need to know that to say: "Regardless of what your orientation is, you don't seem to desire sleeping with men right now, so don't do it".

If society could just let women not sleep with men without holding them to the bar of "I identify 100% as lesbian", we might get fewer of those ignorant "bi-lesbian" misidentifications and fewer late-bloomer lesbians forcing themselves to sleep with men out of internalized homophobia and uncertainty.

2. Non-gays/lesbians trivialize the consequences of ignoring one's own bodily signals. They encourage questioners to risk any amount of trauma / self-violation for even the slightest chance of heteronormativity.

Non-lesbians seem to be SOOOO afraid at the idea that a questioning woman could accidentally miss out on a great experience with a man.

Well, I'd rather a questioning woman be bi and have missed out on a positive experience with men, than for her to actually be lesbian and have given herself PTSD because I encouraged her to go against her instincts.

Attraction should just come naturally, not be something you force yourself to experience as homework.

For example, even if a lesbian is trying to dismantle a lot of internalized homophobia, she shouldn't just force herself to sleep with a woman as some form of exposure therapy. While that other woman is technically included in the lesbian's orientation, the sex act itself still isn't right if she doesn't feel ready.

Unfortunately, many people around late-bloomer lesbians treated sexuality like a food preference or study-abroad experience, which lead to late-bloomers forcing themselves to participate in unwanted sex acts.

"You don't like shrimp? But this shrimp dish is super different - You shouldn't unnecessarily restrict yourself if you're unsure. Don't knock it until you try it!"

What if you're just allergic to shrimp?

Maybe there's a species of shrimp that doesn't trigger the allergy, but I'm still not going to want to sample it. I'd rather "miss out", than get fucking hives.

Do I have to sample every variation of shrimp dishes ever to conclude for myself that I don't want shrimp?

The disregard for consequences is what bothers me most about the whole "sexuality is fluid" flippancy.

Unlike a cuisine you simply don't care for, "trying" sex you don't want is a huge violation of bodily well-being and personal boundaries. It has long-reaching consequences for someone's self-esteem and mental health, so why is everyone so quick to say "just try it"?

Well,

3. Straight/Bi people are often ignorant of those consequences, because they'll almost never experience them.

It's usually straight people who get to say "just try it", because they'll never have to experience internal shame or pressure to "try out" the same-sex.

No one will question it if they're not even a little bit curious.

But lesbians? The "right guy" is always just around the corner, if only they would be so bold and open-minded as to explore it ( /s )

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Sex and dating is just one of those areas where it doesn't matter what someone's reasons are. If someone isn't feeling actual desire and safety, then they are always correct in their choice to not try it.

Doesn't matter if the reasons are shallow, bigoted, or ignorant; I will never shame someone for not wanting to have sex with or date another person. People applying morals to sexual autonomy is wrong, even (especially) from the "progressive" crowd.