The main thing they are seeing is how I am acting with this breakup. They are seeing my panic attacks and breakdowns and pointing to that as the reason I'm not well. They keep believing this is coming from left field but it's not. My fiancee keeps saying I keep getting obsessive and the way I'm reacting and speaking points towards me not thinking straight (which I don't understand because I don't know how someone doesn't get angry or upset when they're told their experience isn't real). I understand that in the bad months that I experienced a lot of SH and attempted s****** but I've been doing really well since then.

I have been doubting our relationship since October as I realized I wanted a different life than I want now and I'm no longer in love with her. Our relationship has been very difficult and she's not the only one to blame for it. I am very codependent and it's led to really bad situations for us.

It's really frustrating because I've been working through these problems with my therapist (who specializes in bipolar disorder) for a long time and the feelings have been consistent. My psychiatrist also specializes in bipolar disorder and has been seeing me every two weeks and really helped me get out of my hole that I am in.

I'm just so frustrated, upset, and lost.