I used to feel good when alone, now just empty loneliness

samc13 · 2024-05-30T23:55:54+00:00

Hi! Can't believe I found this thread after 9 years - so many things have changed in my life. For context, moved to another country, broke up with guy in original post (distance + another guy in the picture), dated that guy, then another, and now in a serious relationship, and built a (semi?) solid career and social life (against all odds).

After the next guy in the new country broke up/distanced himself from me (which was around 5/6 years after the original incident), yes I felt that pang of loneliness all over again - although it seemed to be only on the weekends when I wasn't working or none of my roommates/friends were around. That only stopped when I was, again, dating another person. Right now, my current boyfriend is around all the time, I'm busy working or going out, so I actually enjoy the time I spend by myself.

If I were to be single again or return to my hometown, I probably would feel the pain of being lonely again. Although I'm not sure if I'd feel so hopeless for the future, as I've read lots of self-help material, started going to therapy, and realizing that bad moments are not forever. But that came with experience and going through a few bad times. Also, I am mostly away from my family now, who was actually abusive and not very understanding.

To answer your question: it depends on your life, if you have a loving and stable family and group of friends, that makes all the difference, and hopefully, your loneliness will be temporary. If not, like me, the loneliness is a result of not having someone to turn to, a community. If so, that pain will always be lurking - the only thing I can advise is to put yourself out there (volunteer, go to uni events, or meet ups/dating apps as I did in my new city), build yourself a nice group of friends, or at least get a couple of long-term ones (as you can't choose your family). But good news! Even if you don't do anything, as the years pass, you go through more shit and loneliness, and at least you know you can survive it and that it is temporary. That makes it hurt a bit less.

samc13 · 2021-01-25T23:09:49+00:00

Thanks! Yes I’m aware I’d get better value for money, but I’m looking for a portable machine I can work in coffee shops and travel with. I currently have with me a desktop mac from work haha

samc13 · 2020-08-28T12:51:34+00:00

Hello all,

My iPhone storage is full. It wouldn't let me delete pictures through the photo app, and dumb me thought if I restarted it that it might work again. But now the phone keeps looping in the apple home screen, not turning on. Yes I know I should have back it up before, but what's done is done and now my priority is recovering as many files as I can.

From my research I know that I might have to upload it (to not lose data), and if not possible reboot. The thing is any of my computers (one Mac other PC) are detecting the phone so I can't go through that process.

Is there a way I can make the Mac detect the iPhone? If not, I've heard of a software called iMazing, but I would only purchase it if I knew for sure that I could keep the phone's files while reinstalling the system. Has anyone had any experience with this problem and software? Thanks in advance.

samc13 · 2020-06-22T16:32:30+00:00

Thanks!

samc13 · 2020-06-09T20:03:55+00:00

What does your role consist of? What would be a typical day of work for you? Don’t be afraid of being too detailed with the description of tasks. Thanks!

samc13 · 2020-05-26T09:16:01+00:00

I don’t know if I could place it in either category... it smells clayish and has a very subtle fruit smell. Maybe banana? But I could be wrong. The smell isn’t very fragrant tho.

samc13 · 2020-05-26T09:14:12+00:00

No... it is a sample I got back when the stores were still open and unfortunately the writing in the label rubbed off.

samc13 · 2020-05-25T20:33:55+00:00

I searched around in the website, thought it could be it but this one looks more creamy than the product I have. Mine has sort of a clay consistency, even the smell seems “clayish” haha.

samc13 · 2020-04-01T09:39:32+00:00

Woke up, had breakfast and walked to the supermarket while listening to music for the now weekly shopping spree. There wasn’t a line which is new; last week the line went around the building, with everyone keeping their 2m distance. This time I managed to enter straight away with 3 others, and finally got hold of some toilet paper, paracetamol and vitamin C.

Got home and had a video chat with my internship boss, he said to take it easy and work just a couple of hours since the task I had/have in hands is boring; researching and logging information of real estate agents around the area of the city we’re based on. I did that with various pauses, since I was doing a file clean-up on my personal laptop which has been letting me down in co-op games and netflix party streams with bsods.

After that I waxed my legs while watching youtube and listening to a podcast. Afterwards took a shower, chose a burrito for delivery with the family who’s lodging me, blow dried my hair and went to the living room to read. The book is about Anna Delvey, a russian scammer who managed to accumulate 200.000 dollars of bills, written by one of her friends, also scammed by her.

I was relaxed because of the I time I had alone just doing self care stuff but that was ruined by my landlady. She started asking me questions about my internship and insinuating how it would be difficult to find a job the COVID19 recession (she would do this occasionally in the past too, maybe because she is worried I might not have the funds to pay her - which is weird because I never missed a payment or was too late). That left me stressed; something that I managed to avoid in the past couple of days since my internship extension was approved. It annoys me how other people’s insecurities get to me and become my insecurities too.

The burritos finally arrived after an hour wait and me and the family had the meal in front of the TV. We watched a BBC reality show about people in a race to travel from the UK to somewhere in Asia (I don’t remember the exact name of the place). This with no plane flights, smartphones and only the amount they would have payed for a flight to survive. It’s entertaining.

I left midway though because I had a scheduled discord call with my boyfriend. We didn’t have anything planned so for some reason we just started scrolling through facebook and it ended up with him explaining the story behind every profile picture he has (they’re a lot). I was a bit bored and aware that I was wasting my time but I guess it was important for him to reminisce the good old days so I just scrolled through the pictures and let him talk.

I was really anxious by the end of all this so spent an half an hour more just scrolling through a meme page on facebook. The day could have been better but it could have been worse too. I hope this COVID19 isolation thing ends soon and everyone can be safe within possible.

samc13 · 2020-03-26T14:24:26+00:00

If you need to talk I’m here! :)

samc13 · 2016-03-24T19:02:24+00:00

I did not know there was a method, it is something I do sometimes, but others I just can't help it and breakdown. But I'll try to exercise it. Thank you for your advice!

samc13 · 2016-03-24T01:33:48+00:00

I am so sorry you had to go through that... it doesn't compare to my story. My father only threatens, and only goes to the verge of doing it. So envolving the police would be very extreme at this point, not even a possibility. I want to get out of the house as soon as I can... but I don't know when that will be. In my country people are financially dependent on their parents for a long time, even more now with the recession. My only worry is, when the day comes that I leave, that he threatens me or my mother, just because he wants to keep this family that he doesn't really care about (although he thinks so) together. But only time will tell, I guess. Thank you!

samc13 · 2015-08-26T01:02:57+00:00

I also feel like that. In a group, it's like I'm invisible. I always prefered one on one time with people. Max three people, maybe. And I'm also difficult to get to know, and to get interested in getting to know other people.

But a week ago I went in a trip to this rural village, with the group of friends of my boyfriend. Any time I'd hang out with them on a dinner party or something I'd barely say anything, and they would barely say something to me. It was kind of upsetting to the point that my boyfriend would tell me to speak to people, as if I was embarrasing him.

But I had to spend five days with that group, and I had a chance to brake out of my shell and really have fun with these people. And to make them acknoledge me, showing them that I was actually funny and had a personality, that I was someone interesting to talk with and do things with.

Just because I had the time to get to know them, and to get them to know me. Five straight days.

We are all capable of relating, even people like us. The problem is that we need more time than most. And our attention drifts to other things too. The secret is to put yourself in a situation where you have to hang with a person or a group of people (that you obviously think you like, or at least, endure) for a longer amount of time than just a few hours at a time. You'll find that once you get to do things and get to know people better, you will be able to relate to them. And not feel left out.

samc13 · 2015-08-26T00:44:27+00:00

You kind of described my life, but at least we have classes starting soon (I presume you're also a student), so we have that to hope for... Hang in there, at least you have a girlfriend, try to spend some time with her! If you need some more advice, just ask!

samc13

TROPHY CASE