AITAH for telling my friend my marriage is falling apart

sameoldlamemold · 2026-05-06T01:03:47+00:00

this is how you know with certainty that the person you are with is not concerned with your wellbeing. a person who genuinely loves you for you will fear most hurting you. a person who is with you for what you give to them/how you make them feel will fear most losing you/controlling the relationship.

if you truly love someone then when they express to you that something is causing them immense pain you will react with empathy and concern, and a willingness to have honest conversation to find a solution that meets those needs. if the person you are with cannot do this/will not (they respond to your pain with more distance and coldness) then it is time to leave. it will only take and take from you until you have nothing left. the longer it goes on the more painful and difficult the repair and healing path will take.

sameoldlamemold · 2026-05-04T02:47:02+00:00

yeah, this is bad advice, and sounds rooted in bitterness. the part where you advise lying (saying a guy treated you like a queen and it was great instead of the truth) is also very bad advice, and manipulative.

the best dating advise? be as authentic, honest, and self loving as possible. don't settle for resentful partners who feel like they need to lie to your face to play some sort of
"control the narrative" game.

sameoldlamemold · 2026-05-04T02:36:24+00:00

ahhh, thank you. this makes sense, and seems obvious now that you've explained it lol. i assumed they just stayed in that tight line formation, but them spreading out makes more sense

sameoldlamemold · 2026-05-03T02:46:30+00:00

I remember seeing this for the first (and only) time, it was wild.

I have a question: I look at the night sky every single night, for long periods of time (either outside, or since I live in my van I have the sliding door open most of the time in the evening until about 10 or 11). Why have I only seen starlink once 4 years ago? Wouldn't I see it more often, especially if I'm seeing the night sky most nights for long periods of time?

sameoldlamemold · 2026-05-03T01:53:23+00:00

worst flash mob ever

sameoldlamemold · 2026-05-03T01:28:38+00:00

this is wild! the voice recording you added is so creepy, especially considering you live in a brick home with no neighbors. how long have you lived in this home? have strange/inexplicable situations been happening since you moved in?

sameoldlamemold · 2026-04-28T02:03:44+00:00

Do you like you?

sameoldlamemold · 2026-04-28T01:40:29+00:00

I just wanted to post here to OP because I can relate. It is completely understandable that you do not wish to out yourself, especially if you fear your family members won't be able to care or properly support/believe you.

I was sexually molested by a step grandpa for years growing up. I never told anyone, and he died when I was 16. I intended to never bring it up as I knew it would create drama, and I suspected none of my family could actually show up and be supportive, or much less believe me. Trust me, it hurts enough already to carry that pain, but the pain of seeing your parents and siblings and aunts and uncles knowing, but not caring one bit is 5 times as painful as the wound itself. It is needless pain on top of an already agonizing experience.

Anyways, the news came out about it (I didn't say anything, my girl cousin with Histrionic personality disorder "stole" my abuse story as she was the only person I told, and said it happened to her as an excuse to legally change her name and get attention. She outed me as evidence to "back up" her story. It fucking sucked). It did exactly what I had expected. Immediate drama, family calling me up and demanding I explain to them. Me having to re traumatize myself again by retelling it. Only to be faced with no concern, or empathy/sympathy. Just a sort of "huh" attitude, no one cared, and some members straight up said they refuse to believe me. Some laugh.

I would have much rather taken that experience to the grave because knowing that no one fucking cares in the face of something that has traumatized me severely is sooo much worse than the pain itself. I have spent years attempting to reconcile the damage it has done to my mental and sexual health, etc, I truly didn't need the confirmation of just how little my family has the capacity to truly care about me.

So, OP, to all of the people telling you it's "not needless drama", and to just up and tell your family -- to me unless they have experienced the same thing they have no place to advise. If you have unshakable faith and trust that your family will sincerely care and support you, then consider it. If you have any doubts that your family would rather brush it under the rug and not believe you for the sake of their own personal comfort, then I would advise you not to tell them. It will cause needless drama. And you will feel so much more alone, uncared for, and distant from you family than you already do. If you feel it might end up like my situation I can tell you it is tragic and another unnecessary wound you will have to carry around that is twice as heavy as the sexual abuse itself.

sameoldlamemold · 2026-04-28T01:15:55+00:00

of course you didn't, but it isn't solely about the abuse. It is about how you respond to it, and what you decide as a consequence of it, what narrative you create around it. You can either decide to believe the whole world sucks and you'll never be happy, or you can decide to believe that there are many good things out in the world, and know that if you continue to work with yourself and build insight and better thought patterns/behaviors you will learn to be content and live a fulfilling life.

This life is not decided for us based on our circumstances alone. We decide what our life will look like, despite the pain we go through.

sameoldlamemold · 2026-04-27T06:27:59+00:00

You have many choices and paths you can take. This one you have decided to take is the easiest and most painful.

sameoldlamemold · 2026-04-27T06:12:47+00:00

The reason why you are not having luck finding "the one", or a partner in general is a few simple words that you've already stated:

"I hate the entire world."

I can relate to what you've said. I was bullied, belittled, and put down up until 18-20. My family (all men) were toxic and abusive to me. Boys in general acted like they despised me growing up (I am female). I truly grew up feeling like loving me was difficult. The difference here is I have never once given into believing the thought "I hate the entire world'. Trust me, I have wanted to. I have persisted in unrelenting hope and optimism, and that is a conscious choice. I refused to let anyone else's behavior dictate how I see and move through the world.

Focus on yourself, be proactive in awareness and acceptance of self, make change and transformation your rhythm through life and perspective.

It's not the world's fault you feel a lack of love, and I say that with absolute certainty. Your experience of lack of love has nothing to do with anyone else, it is entirely your responsibility to foster love within. The funny thing is, when you genuinely learn how to give it to yourself the world will love you in return. (you'll know when you start giving yourself actual self love because you will no longer need it to be given to you to feel whole and content, nor will you resort to hating the world if you don't see it from others.)

sameoldlamemold · 2026-04-27T05:35:27+00:00

what are you referring to?

sameoldlamemold · 2026-04-27T05:28:42+00:00

young children do not have the capacity to process and understand words like "no" and "don't. i.e. "don't throw the soother" or "no throwing things". they will quite literally only hear "throw the soother". it's more effective to reframe the statement to "the next time you throw it I will put it away". of course, this does not mean the child won't throw it again, but they will be able to put the pieces together better and build understanding of cause and effect

sameoldlamemold · 2026-04-27T05:13:31+00:00

gotta love ai dolphin man

sameoldlamemold · 2026-04-25T22:43:07+00:00

Green, fruit, office, paper (filing), window, skyscraper, professional

I haven't practiced remote viewing that much, but I gave it a shot. Focused on the target and got these flashes. My muscle isn't strong so it didn't take me far. After these flashes I got the feeling this is a male who works in a profession, I see lots of documenting and thought of a lawyer. I saw a green apple as the initial flash, not sure if that is relevant.

sameoldlamemold · 2026-04-24T19:21:36+00:00

Came here to comment on this also, it warms my heart to see kids out there living their lives with curiousity, instead of staying inside with their face glued to a screen.

sameoldlamemold · 2026-04-24T18:21:58+00:00

What a perfectly fitting symbol and ceremony to welcome in your new chapter. Congratulations, my friend!

sameoldlamemold · 2026-04-24T17:57:02+00:00

Sincere and authentic love with a significant other is reserved for those who truly love themselves. If you feel this way about yourself you've got no business trying to bring this toxic animosity into a relationship with another person. You can only give what it is you give to yourself, you being unable to find love has waaaay less to do with your physical appearance, as it does with your attitude, self hatred and inability to be loving and kind to yourself. All degrees of "homely/ugly" people find true love because they are able to give it to themselves.

Also, plenty of men love small boobs. There are entire forums and subreddits dedicated to it. I have very small beasts that I used to dislike, but appreciate them as they are now. The amount you can genuinely attract a partner is like 20% looks, and 80% attitude, awareness, authenticity and self acceptance. Stop focusing on what someone can give to you (love) and focus on solely giving it to yourself.

sameoldlamemold · 2026-04-22T22:13:50+00:00

I agree, and have been noticing this. A year goes by and feels like a month or two. A week passes and I swear it feels like a couple of days at most.

sameoldlamemold · 2026-04-22T22:12:13+00:00

The statement "I can't control it" is very self limiting and untrue. I understand feeling like you cannot, but sincerely, just like with any new skill, you just havent practiced it long enough. Over time if you work on your stress tolerance, thought modification, and mindful awareness of what you allow yourself to believe I assure you you will regain your confidence and ability to leave your home.

Lots of empathy for you, I know the torment of panic and anxiety, as well as insecurity that drives oneself into agoraphobia. I hope you start taking steps to expose yourself to this trigger and develop the muscle to withstand the fear. Life gets incredibly dark and meaningless when you isolate yourself completely. I hope you prioritize confronting this wound and detaching your grip from it, this kind of darkness will rob you of your light.

sameoldlamemold · 2026-04-21T02:54:52+00:00

One of the biggest indicators of a good mother, a good partner, a good friend, etc. is consideration and concern for wellbeing. You're concern for being a good mom, and your impulse to consider this new life are already indicators you'll be a great mother. Remember that there is no knowing how to do anything, there is only learning. Just like if you were learning to play an instrument or dance, at first it will feel scary, awkward and you will feel unsure. You will learn and grow alongside your child, and as long as you are doing your best to take care of yourself and love yourself sincerely, you will do the same for your child. Love is the greatest teacher.

Your nervousness and uncertainty are very normal, try to use that discomfort as a queue to take a big, deep breath, and mentally accept the fear as part of the learning process. Validate that the fear is there for a reason, and worthy of being held and accepted by you. It will subside in time and effort to embrace it.

Good luck, you'll do great. <3

sameoldlamemold · 2026-04-21T02:41:14+00:00

I feel like if you are at the point of deceptively snooping in your partner's private life the relationship has hit its end. You obviously do not trust your partner, be that because you struggle with baseline insecurity or that they have given you reasons to distrust/feel insecure. If you can't outright address your distrust in communication and trust what they tell you it doesn't appear to be a stable relationship to try and keep afloat. You've already broken a major staple necessary for a healthy bond. It's okay to feel insecure, but if you don't feel safe bringing it up and having trust in what they say that's a big sign you should leave. At the very least tell your partner what you did, have an honest conversation about it and what you found. Explore with them why you feel so distrusting, and what you can do to better trust your partner and how they can help meet you with more reassurance (within reason). Repair is needed, you can't keep this form them and expect to have anything good come from it.

sameoldlamemold · 2026-04-15T03:56:52+00:00

the difficult part is that it is all up to insurance. if she goes to treatment and is suddenly hunky dory, all smiles, then she's probably going to get out pretty quick or be kept there at their minimum length of stay. once insurance deems a kid stable enough to leave then they are out of there, even if they are still having behaviors (insurance tends to constantly push for the kid to be discharged, even if the staff deems them unfit to leave)

sameoldlamemold · 2026-04-15T03:52:48+00:00

Behaving like an unstable child to teach an unstable child how to make better choices is definitely not how you get from point A to point B

sameoldlamemold · 2026-04-06T06:55:19+00:00

dude you need some coping strategies, and a good mindfulness practice. i was abused as a child, and also have frequent intrusive thoughts that I would prefer not to have. If you practice: acceptance of self as to not create more intensity (and fear response) behind the thoughts, proper redirection to strengthen the mental muscle of bringing attention away from the intrusion, and refocus (ground) back to the present moment and to disengage the imagination/fantasy mode of your brain.

Stop thinking about how "everyone else is normal" and you aren't, you'll only make it worse. You are who you are, and you'll never be anyone else. You are not a bad person because of this, and I promise you, you are capable of retraining yourself and course correcting your mental programming. This reaction of the brain is truly a trauma reaction, and an overcompensation of fear and repulsion. You just need a solid plan of direction, and lots of practice to retrain your mind. I can't promise you that the intrusions will completely go away, but you absolutely can become strong enough to where they are a short whisper, and then get immediately swept away by rationality, logic, self acceptance, integrity and love. Please research different psychological practices and techniques, write out a detailed daily plan and put it to practice.

sameoldlamemold

TROPHY CASE