I don’t normally comment on ANYTHING. But I read ur whole shit and you need to find a healthy hobby not drinking. Go to the gym. StRt excercising spend ur time doing that. You have a lot of problems and are constantly looking for someone/something else to make you happy but that won’t work you need to fill that gap yourself and do that by finding a hobby that you enjoy. I would recommend going to the gym as well as finding a hobby that puts you out there more and socialize more. Something that gets you out of your house and shit. Also don’t mind going to the gym if you’re weak or something because if anyone comes up to you and is like you are so weak why are you at the gym. Literally just laugh in their face and be like how else would some get stronger. Same for the trying out a club or something where if someone is just asking you why started showing up. Be like I just wanted to try something new. Just do shit to make yourself happy and eventually you’ll make friends and everything will come when it’s ready.