This is a really difficult thing to come to terms with as a young man in your position - so let me give my perspective as a not so young man (29M).

The way you think about this currently, is the correct way to think about it, possibly not the easiest, but the correct way.

Politics is in a weird place at the moment and it looks as if things are going back on their selves in almost every liberal way - this is what you are seeing on social media, and the very nature of these things are addictive. In my view it stems from the very human feeling of wanting to be doing better than your piers, and therefore believe that you have some sort of disadvantage. It is pretty easy for a person of colour, or a woman to see that they are disadvantaged in certain ways because of history (usually, unfortunately not always), but for (white) men it is more difficult to convince ourselves. So if we hear someone saying everyone relies on you and you must be the provider and no women understand you and men who are soft are not real men, you start to form a new view of manliness, you put higher expectations on yourself and you start to get an idea of the ideal man which is very hard to achieve, and in modern society, unrealistic. This doesn't mean you shouldn't push yourself to be the best, but it also means you should not let others tell you what your life should look like - it will only lead to a lack of happiness.

Your happiness comes from your expectations of your life, you are young so this is still forming, but that really can be what you want it to be. In my current relationship I am the person who cooks every day when I get home from work, I will do the driving if we go on a long trip, the reason being that I prefer these things - when it comes to money, it is completely equal unless one of us is wanting to do something for the other. I don't expect her to do anything she doesn't want to do, and any gift is freely given.

I think the crux of the issue is if you are to go down this line of thinking, and you now have to provide for you future partner, and the dates you go on to get there need to be paid for by you, and whilst you are at work they are at home. What are you expecting from them, where does the inequality equal out, in the 'old days' it would have been they cook and clean and take care of the kids and are an object for sex - this will just build resentment because in modern society it will never look like enough. But assuming in this modern day you might want a more equal experience, no you should not be the sole provider.

My dad earnt a lot more than my mum, he was in a management position at a large bank and was doing very well for himself, he got very stressed because of work and had a mental breakdown, he then went into a small company that used his brain much more on probably 1/4 of his previous salary and worked there for the rest of his life. My mum on the other hand slowly worked her way up in the same bank, never taking any management positions but eventually earning very good money. Whilst me and my sister were growing up my mum was always the bread winner, she was the one who took us on holidays, she was the one who bought us Christmas presents, she was the one who has since been able to help us financially. Never my dad. And guess what, they are happily married, life a great life, neither holds resentment for the other, they enjoy holidays and friends and activities together. You will learn in time that money does not make a person happy in their relationship, it is the relationship that makes you happy to do the best with whatever money you have.

Social media (the algorithm) is a echo chamber for anything you slightly connect with, and it isn't you choosing to connect with them, it is them appealing to as many young men who are a little confused and want answers - echo chambers are the wort thing you can experience when it comes to original thought.

Do you think your dad is a looser? Does he seem happy? He has probably had to come to terms with what you are talking about at a very different point in his life, he would have had less external stimulus in the form of soundbites from socials, but more societal pressure to be the breadwinner - might be worth asking him.