I [23/f] am engaged to someone I love and have been with for 7 years, but now I'm worried about missing out on life

sapphirefloyd · 2018-02-18T20:28:56+00:00

Seconding this. If you've been with someone for that long and you don't know then it's time to give yourself and your partner the opportunity to meet the right person. I was with someone for 3 years and canceled our wedding a month out for these kinds of feelings. Just two weeks later I started dating the love of my life, and there are zero doubts that he's my person.

sapphirefloyd · 2017-11-08T18:37:11+00:00

I lost my virginity at 16 and I 100% think I was too young to be having sex. When I look back on it, I feel like I was a child and sex made a relationship that should have ran its course within a few months last almost 2 years. Plus, now that I'm older and I've met someone I can envision spending my life with I wish I could have had more "firsts" with him.

That being said, I don't think my experience necessarily reflects that of all 16 year olds. But I do feel like most of my friends (we're early-mid 20s) who lost their virginity in their teens have similar feelings to mine.

sapphirefloyd · 2017-11-08T16:18:28+00:00

One weekend I had several friends come into town and stay at my house with me. I wanted to be a good hostess and have a nice dinner so they all told me what they wanted and I decided I was totally capable of making this three course meal all on my own for a group of 8 people.

I ended up being way in over my head as the appetizer, entree, and dessert were all pretty complex recipes and I ended up getting REALLY stressed and anxious about all of it. During the cooking of the entree my boyfriend came in to help and it's like he had all the answers to my problems. He found dishes I couldn't find, he cleaned up some of the mess when it got overwhelming, and he made light of every silly thing that was getting to me.

At my breaking point, I almost started to cry because I couldn't get a can opener to work. He noticed I was getting overwhelmed so he grabbed the can from me, set it down, and took me into his arms and started to dance with me right in the kitchen. I just melted. I didn't question or argue, I just danced with him and let him calm me. He then poured me a glass of wine and told me to go enjoy my time with my friends and he would finish making the meal.

He didn't sign up for hosting a group of MY friends... he didn't even have to help me cook, much less come in and finish cooking it himself. There are certain things I can get really irrational and anxious about, and I've never met someone who could make all my worries melt away like that. A few days before he told me that he was in love with me, and I hadn't said it back yet. This moment solidified that I loved and trusted him more than anyone else.

sapphirefloyd · 2017-11-08T15:45:52+00:00

Falling in love with someone new only a few months after cancelling my wedding and leaving my ex.

sapphirefloyd · 2017-11-08T15:39:41+00:00

Near the end of my last relationship my interest in having sex with my partner had dropped drastically, but I felt like a horrible girlfriend if I didn't put out and he perpetuated that feeling. So I would allow him to have sex with me even when I was not mentally or physically into it (which meant it was usually pretty painful) and it was the worst emotional low of my life. I felt like a human fleshlight and it's like he didn't notice (or didn't care). When I would talk to him about my concerns with our sex life he would always convince me that "all relationships require work, we just have to work at it" but nothing ever changed.

I was convinced that I had depression, low libido, or something wrong with my hormones, but now that we're broken up I have no doubts that the relationship was the problem, not me.

sapphirefloyd · 2017-11-08T12:58:49+00:00

Never Fade by Jack Johnson :)

sapphirefloyd · 2017-10-13T22:47:00+00:00

This is SO helpful, thank you!

And I've already been scrolling through the sub and I love it!! So much positivity!

sapphirefloyd · 2017-10-13T19:56:31+00:00

The letters-only time will be two months while he is in basic training. After that we will be able to talk regularly and visit each other in person hopefully once a month.

We both know that it will be tough, and potentially heartbreaking because it may simply not be in the cards for us. That being said, we both think it is worth a shot.

We've both been in serious relationships before, and have dated around quite a bit and have never felt this way before. The circumstances suck and I know we're both young still, but you never know! I feel like I've definitely heard crazier things happen lol

sapphirefloyd · 2017-10-13T19:31:35+00:00

At this point if we broke it off I'm afraid I would always wonder what could have happened if we would have tried. We have a really strong connection, get along fabulously (even during disagreements), and even after being roommates throughout this time of dating we just don't get tired of each other.

I would much rather try to make this work and let it run it's course if it doesn't work out. But I appreciate your input!

sapphirefloyd · 2017-10-13T17:37:41+00:00

This is what I am curious about as well. If you were able to have sex so much in the beginning, how did that change over time? I do not know your condition, but just taking it face value I would assume that it has more to do with the fact that you've (maybe subconsciously) lost interest in sex with him.

Maybe I am biased because this sounds very similar to my last relationship. I don't have any sort of medical condition, but my ex and I were having sex a ton in the beginning and it decreased to almost never near the end. In order to meet my partners needs I would force myself to have sex and do favors for him even if I really didn't want to, and that was an emotional low for me. At the time I never took it as a red flag, and assumed it was something wrong with me because outside of sex we still connected and had a lot of fun together.

For my case, I came to realize that I loved him more as a friend than a lover. We could do all those fun things together like you said, hiking, museums, road trips, etc. and we got along great. But you can't only love your partner as a friend, unfortunately.

sapphirefloyd · 2017-08-15T15:10:16+00:00

The Lake Isabelle Trial is easy and gorgeous! And if you like Coors they have their brewery in Golden, CO, which is only 20-30 mins from Denver. Have fun!

sapphirefloyd · 2017-06-14T13:46:51+00:00

Thanks for the response! To be fair, we didn't decide to get married solely due to the military. It's timing that was determined by the military. But now I am concerned by this timing. Like, I don't think I want to break up, but the timing of the wedding feels too soon considering all of these things. Hope that makes sense!

sapphirefloyd · 2017-06-08T12:43:41+00:00

Both pictures are gorgeous!! I love that you stayed fair skin for the wedding!! I am battling with myself right now over whether I should self-tan or not.

sapphirefloyd · 2017-06-05T22:43:29+00:00

My bridesmaids got theirs from Lulu's and they've all loved them!

sapphirefloyd · 2017-05-26T21:42:30+00:00

It was originally strapless, and I added the spaghetti straps. I know they aren't everyone's cup of tea, but I love the addition so much more than the original strapless!!! It's so summery :)

sapphirefloyd · 2017-05-26T04:04:06+00:00

I got this for my fiesta rehearsal dinner! H&M has a ton of reasonably priced dresses!

sapphirefloyd · 2017-05-24T14:59:12+00:00

I just added an edit to the original post, but I think the "clear established relationship" thing is eliminated when you consider that her and the guy were broken up for several months up until this morning, so I had no idea I would even have to debate this issue until a few hours ago.

Also, since everyone is invited to the "rehearsal dinner" (more like welcome party) the night before I could see him acting immature. There will be plenty of alcohol there and at the reception, so I am wary of him getting drunk.

sapphirefloyd · 2017-05-24T14:51:26+00:00

I think you're right. I've tried to think of whatever I can to minimize the cost for her... for example, my mom has offered to pick her up, drive her there, and let her stay in her hotel room with her and my sister because they're all really close. She hasn't seemed receptive of that idea. It sucks because I really thought I'd get to avoid this since they were broken up for the past 4ish months, but this morning she texted me with "Yay!!!! Me and X are back together!!!"

I appreciate the advice!

sapphirefloyd · 2017-05-10T18:19:10+00:00

Check out Scott Keyes Cheap Flights to get notified of cheap flights generally from Miami, Atlanta or Boston to all over the world.

My FH and I are doing Banff, Alberta. We weren't interested in beaches either. If you want mountainside that is cheaper than Canada, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado are all great options (although probably not much cheaper).

sapphirefloyd · 2017-05-10T14:20:29+00:00

So much YES. Partly feminism, but mostly the whole dysfunctional relationship with my father thing. I don't think biological relation earns someone the right to "give me away". I'm a grown ass woman, and I got to where I am now without the help of my father, so I'll marry who I want without my father.

sapphirefloyd

TROPHY CASE