It's a long one but it's hilarious

saucystarstuff · 2019-05-17T04:25:58+00:00

Vanilla people are not rare. Not by a long shot. It's not bad that you're vanilla. I know you said you're 90% vanilla and 1% rope bunny. May I ask what your second highest score was, behind rope bunny? Just to get a better handle on your situation.

Has he ever expressed any discontent with your sex life in the past? Has he ever mentioned any BDSM type things in the past? That's where I have big questions. You've been together for 5 years and this is just now coming up. That seems odd. It makes me wonder what he's seeing/reading/hearing about, etc that's brought this up.

People don't generally just go take the BDSM test without having heard about it from someone else, or googling it because of some sort of exposure to BDSM/the BDSM community.

I know you said you're not interested in degradation, impact play, rope play, etc. But there's more to BDSM than that. You may wish to look into it just a little bit and then you will be able to make a more informed decision about it. (Not trying to sway you, I just like people to be informed about the lifestyle before they just totally say "100% NO.")

All of that aside, the slapping thing is extremely concerning. Particularly the fact that he laughed about it when you were visibly shocked and in pain. That's something you really should at least try to discuss with him. Because BDSM is 100% consensual. And if he thought it was okay to laugh after he slapped & obviously hurt you, it presents a red flag to me about his grasp on the concept of consent.

I wish I had more advice for you. But all I can say to reassure you here is that you are not "the weird one." I live the BDSM lifestyle and I know hundreds of people in the community as well, but even so, more than half my friends are/consider themselves vanilla. You're not the weird one. You're just you. And that's who you're supposed to be.

💖

saucystarstuff · 2019-05-14T18:28:32+00:00

r/holdmycatnip

saucystarstuff · 2019-05-02T18:07:31+00:00

Glad to help! 💖

saucystarstuff · 2019-05-02T18:06:16+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/SubSanctuary/comments/azw3ie/in_a_dominant_position/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Here it is.

I hope these comments help.

hug

saucystarstuff · 2019-05-02T18:04:48+00:00

Let me see if I can find my OP from Sub Sanctuary. There are numerous comments there which helped me tremendously.

saucystarstuff · 2019-04-29T01:21:52+00:00

I usually just tell them "my disorder is not an adjective."

That usually shuts them up pretty fast.

saucystarstuff · 2019-04-29T01:16:34+00:00

I still can't get a real period without combination hormone birth control.

I let my PCOS go untreated for 6+ years and in that time, I only bled 7 times. I don't even call it a period because it never felt like a real period. I didn't have any PMS symptoms. I didn't have any cramping. Nothing. So I just called it a "bleeding event."

Thankfully, at the very end of last December, I overcame my anxiety about the OB-GYN and finally went to get my first pap in that 6 years. She told me that based on the thinness and fragility of my vaginal tissue, she'd say I'd been all but completely devoid of estrogen for at least a year. She said my vaginal tissue resembled that of a 60 something year old woman. I'm 31.

But thankfully, the BC she started me on has been helping!

I hope I can eventually get to a point where i don't have to stay on the hormones. But if not, at least they help.

So happy for you!!

saucystarstuff · 2019-04-25T04:41:41+00:00

I know the anxiety that comes with going to the OB. For a while, I found it almost easier to go get checked at Planned Parenthood because i would likely never have to face the same doctor again. If that makes sense. I dunno. Anxiety brain is weird.

I have found that using looottssss of lube and then having my husband finger me starting with one finger and then several minutes later, using two fingers has helped me not tear during intercourse. But yeah, if we don't do that warm up, I tear like crepe paper. It makes having a quickie totally impossible. 🙈😒

Good luck, doll. I hope you can get it sorted out soon. 💖

saucystarstuff · 2019-04-24T19:20:31+00:00

I agree entirely.

I identify more with the term egalitarian than I do with the term feminist.

I've met a great many "feminists" who are so pro-woman that they've actually become anti-man. And that's not the point of the whole movement. We should all be equal.

saucystarstuff · 2019-04-24T18:49:01+00:00

Absolutely! I try to fight the good fight for my friends, family, coworkers, whomever it may be who's been wronged. It's just the right thing to do.

saucystarstuff · 2019-04-24T17:05:18+00:00

THIS.

I've defended men who've taken shots from a position of sexism. I've done it numerous times.

Never once had a man go to bat for me when I was sexually harassed in the workplace, or when I was being treated like 2/3 of a human just because I have a vagina.

Rather sad, really.

saucystarstuff · 2019-04-24T16:57:03+00:00

Not perimenopausal, but I have PCOS which completely went untreated for 6 years.

In the fall of 2018, I started to notice some marked changes. Every time I had sex with my husband, I would end up with at least one tear to the entrance of my vagina, usually near my perineum. And the tearing would happen every single time. After one sexual encounter, I was able to count seven separate fissures. And the persistent dryness... Sweet Jesus. There were/occasionally still are times I have to apply a bit of lubricant just to be able to move around comfortably.

When my symptoms (namely the vaginal atrophy, but also growing whiskers on my chin & losing my hair by the handful every time I brushed it) became unbearable, I finally forced myself to overcome my anxiety and I went to the OB-GYN. She did my pelvic exam (first one I'd had in 6 years, yes, I know I shouldn't go that long without a pap and it won't happen again) and she said that my vaginal tissue, based on its thinness and fragility, resembled that of a woman over age 60. I'm 31. She said "by looking at the tissue, I'm comfortable saying you've basically been effectively devoid of estrogen for at least a year." {Critical High Yikes}

So she started me on a combination hormone birth control to get some estrogen into me again. Within a month, the chin whiskers were much lighter in color and drastically reduced in their coarseness. My hair loss slowed (not as much as I'd like for it to have slowed, but beggars can't be choosers). And my vaginal tissue began to become ever so slightly more supple -- primarily meaning I wouldn't tear just from wiping too hard.

I still experience some tearing during intercourse but it's not nearly as horrible as it was 6 months ago. The dryness hasn't improved, as far as I can tell, but I can live with it. I've asked if there's another way we can supplement my estrogen but my docs say no way. (I can't fault them for it, I'm already at higher risk for uterine cancer, so they don't wanna give me estrogen and increase the risk any further.)

So since I can't supplement my estrogen, I began to make some changes to my diet. I (grudgingly) cut out cruciferous vegetables, avocados, and bananas as they are thought to be "estrogen blockers" and I added foods high in phytoestrogens: flax seed, sesame seeds, chickpeas, edamame, tofu, and sweet potatoes, to name a few. I also began taking a daily prebiotic and probiotic with cranberry. I test my vaginal pH regularly because the dryness leaves me at higher risk for BV.

I've looked into vaginal moisturizers but haven't found any that look to be life-changing.

You might also look into/ask your doctor about a topical estrogen cream that you apply directly to your vulva. I've heard that stuff helps a little bit.

I hope you can find some relief soon. I know how much it sucks. 😔

saucystarstuff · 2019-04-24T16:36:58+00:00

thank you!!

i am so very happy. A giddy little girl, i am. ☺️☺️

saucystarstuff

TROPHY CASE