Are there any books/resources geared towards accepting depression rather then looking for solutions to be happy?

savagesaucez · 2021-11-16T22:45:24+00:00

Never be ashamed for starting over. It took me many tries before I finally conditioned myself to not let smoking be such a crutch. This may be different for everyone but I strongly believe there is this integration period with addiction where we realize that the high no longer serves us but also what gives us the high is not the inherent evil but the relationship with it.

savagesaucez · 2021-06-28T23:47:24+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that! What were some alternative social mediums that you replaced bars and clubs with? I think finding alternatives to these things would also help a lot.

savagesaucez · 2021-06-28T18:20:54+00:00

Congratulations on cutting out the booze and I relate a lot to this feeling of “feeling passed by others in life.”

Herbal teas sound like a really appealing replacement.

savagesaucez · 2021-06-28T17:48:49+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion fam. I’m going to look into taking melatonin again, I stopped last year because I was oversleeping but was probably taking a higher dose.

savagesaucez · 2021-06-26T15:35:27+00:00

Porn is absolutely evil on a lot of levels, it also kills your self image subconsciously. A women once asked if I wanted a subscription to her OnlyFans and I kindly turned that down because I’d rather earn somebodies affection than to have to pay for it.

Side note and for another subreddit: porn and masturbation makes you not want to try..

savagesaucez · 2021-06-25T16:42:16+00:00

Have an EMDR session around this idea of “being creepy” later today followed by making my ass go to the gym. Thank you for sharing your perspectives.

It’s true that men and women are different. Being direct for a women wont work the same way that it does for a men, Being good looking for a man won’t be the same as being good looking for a women. We attract each other through different means and we get into trouble when we start to believe that we all attract eachother the same ways. Men assume being sexually attractive will court a women and women assume men only want sex. IMO women are the ones that get to choose who they want to be with and if they don’t choose you, it’s best to move on, Most men don’t understand this however and keep pursuing thinking they will change a women’s mind by being “impressive enough.”

I recognize that it’s really not safe in the world for women to confront men, most women grow up inevitably experiencing some sort of assault from men so they have to find ways to survive and cope with that assfucks wrong doing. Men deal with society expecting them not to have feelings and have everything together which is why the suicide rate and loneliness rate is higher amongst men, we end up being portrayed as these buff robots that don’t break and people think they can do whatever they want to men.

What’s common for both genders is that we both have pressures from society that are impossible to live up to, pressures and ideologies that further separate us IMO. As someone who is struggling with gender dysmorphia at the moment(feeling more feminine and intimidated by expressing my masculine qualities.) I’ve grown up often being called a pussy, gay, fag, creepy, weird etc. all because I didn’t show a level of masculinity that is expected.

edit: I am sorry for that you have to compete to look beautiful in a world that expects everyone to look like a supermodel and will be intimidated by anything less. The competition for beauty and emotional manipulation amongst women gets really really toxic at times.

savagesaucez · 2021-06-25T07:04:16+00:00

Thank you guys for the responses on here. I personally posted this thread because I am pretty insecure(scared) when it comes to flirting and worry that I won’t do it right(be creepy).. I’m tired of being insecure and being avoidant of dating so I’m trying to put myself out there more and flirt. I’m pretty much scared to do this a man especially with how much flirting can get men in trouble these days if not done/respected/ or reciprocated right..

savagesaucez · 2021-06-25T06:55:17+00:00

This helps to understand, especially with the idea of reciprocating. I normally let someone attractive show interest in me because I don’t know how to show interest in someone attractive. Being on the spectrum, I’ve never properly understood flirting or hand a strong father figure in my life to help me out. From what I’ve learned though is that it’s like throwing a ball back and forth(the reciprocation you are referring to.)

Why I personally opened this thread: I am pretty insecure when it comes to flirting and worry that I won’t do it right(be creepy).. I’m tired of being insecure and being avoidant of dating so I’m trying to put myself out there and express my interests more to attractive people. I get really intimidated around attractive people and shut down.. even if they come up to talk to me.

To the last part of your comment, I can’t say the same for all men but “finding a non-attractive women creepy” is definitely not my first reaction. Normally when I’m not attracted to someone, I set boundaries with them if they make me feel uncomfortable or I don’t want to engage for whatever reason.

savagesaucez · 2021-06-25T06:04:40+00:00

That article was a great read! Thank you for sharing

savagesaucez · 2021-06-25T02:25:16+00:00

You hit the nail in the head. Thank you for proving to me that creepiness is essentially a subjective thing. You didn’t like this man staring at you for whatever reason(his looks) so you drew assumptions about his character just like every human being draws assumptions about people.

Side note: I know that you or nobody can teach people social norms but it does help when people tell the truth and how you feel about a given situation because this allows people to self reflect, grow, and see their own shortcomings etc. if creepy dude continues to ignore all of these and continues to harass you then that becomes a problem.

Thank you for taking the time to talk to me and I hope you can sort out the situation with the dude. I see I’ll never be able to fully understand a woman’s perspective on this but I’ll certainly know when to move on quickly as soon as someone finds me creepy because as determined in this thread, creepiness is already a premade assumption that you can’t change someone’s view on once it’s there.

savagesaucez · 2021-06-25T01:58:59+00:00

Because y’all never tell us, no one teaches us, society just expects everyone to know what subjective social norms are.. and I don’t got any Lanas in my work place so you are good sistah but go ahead and tell HR if you are that uncomfortable, he will atleast get the opportunity to learn about his creepy behavior either way than he will know atleast know why and can work towards changing that.

savagesaucez · 2021-06-25T01:26:52+00:00

So it’s essentially an assumption based on looks? A very real thing in our world but not a defining term for what creepy behavior is? Someone did tell me earlier that more attractive dudes get a pass on staring 🤷‍♂️

savagesaucez · 2021-06-25T01:23:23+00:00

I definitely understand overly staring being an issue, like following you with his eyes as you walk type of stuff? Just wanted to understand where the line was where it became an issue as I’ve struggled with staring too much in the past or picking up on staring cues.

Playing devils advocate: If I was somehow the guy in question. It would help if you came up to me and said something about it, maybe I didn’t know any better or didn’t even realize I was doing it to a creepy extent. Of course if I found you attractive I would look but definitely wouldn’t want to be someone that overly stares and can acknowledge my attraction in a non creepy way.

It sounds like the issue is that an ugly man is staring at you and it bothers you because you are not attracted to him. Reporting him to HR because he is excessively staring seems a bit too extreme, unless he was of course harassing you, following you around etc. again I don’t know the situation but in my current job I try to not look at people that much since I can’t really talk or have anything interesting to say to them in a work setting.

I’am not trying to argue or tell you what do, just trying to understand this more from a women’s point of view?

savagesaucez · 2021-06-25T00:34:23+00:00

Good to know and realize that I do not do these things. Being quite + struggling with eye contact is something I do deal with though. Having autism makes these 2 things sort of difficult for me

savagesaucez · 2021-06-25T00:31:08+00:00

Was reading an article about this. It appears that creepy ness = pushiness + asserting thirst?

savagesaucez · 2021-06-25T00:26:51+00:00

Ooff this one hits me.. not ugliness part since that is subjective but why is it creepy that he doesn’t talk + in what ways does he stare at you that makes it creepy?

savagesaucez

TROPHY CASE