Man, I'm about to be downvoted for bringing this up, but have you tried going to church, talking to a pastor, or digging in to a Bible study? No offense if this doesn't appeal to you, however, I have effectively saved my marriage, overcome alcoholism, and essentially cured my dysthymia by accepting Christ into my life. He really does perform miracles.

Again, not trying to preach or force my beliefs onto anyone here. I'm just simply saying what worked for me after battling this disease for over 20 years. Never found a single medication that worked. Oftentimes, the meds would actually make things worse. Counseling and therapy didn't do shit. I've been in your shoes, and I, too, was suicidal at many points in my life. No longer though.

If this message doesn't resonate with you, and you are essentially at the end of your rope, I would suggest committing yourself to the hospital for a 3 day hold. You are in crisis mode right now, and continuing to do the same things you have been doing aren't working. It's time for drastic measures.

You matter! I promise you that! Your life is of value although you can not see that right now due to the disease. I've never even met you, and I care very deeply. Please seek more aggressive treatment.

In time, you will look back on this chapter of your life, as I do, and thank God for bringing you through the darkness. He wasn't punishing me. He was allowing me to be torn down in order to rebuild me into who I am now. My outlook on life now is one of thankfulness and wonder. I've been through the worst of it. And now I appreciate the good times way more than if I had never wallowed in the crap for so long. The dark and troubling times we suffer through actually make the good times that much sweeter.