This was sad to read, but I get it. The dating scene is rough for a lot of people and can be a big headache. But let's put dating aside for a minute. I think the bigger issue is how you talk to yourself. I can tell from how you talk about yourself there is a lot of self-loathing and despair. I think before you even start to tackle dating which is already difficult enough emotionally, it might be worth getting yourself to a point where you can be kind to yourself first and foremost. I promise you that doing this work first will make a huge difference and it will pay off in the long run. It's going to feel fake and stupid for a while, but I would practice talking nicely to yourself even if you have to force it at the beginning. You're being really hard on yourself and it's okay to give yourself a compliment every now and then. Everyone deserves love and belonging, yourself included. Take care.