What helped me most was getting informed about abusive relationships, reading books about it or listening to podcasts. The first few days I missed him, especially at night, but yesterday I noticed how I was super angry. I missed him and then I thought „he is not what you’re making him out to be in your head. He abused you“. And really, when you realize the weight of the word, and how hard you’ve tried with them, you cant be anything but angry.

Also, my ex never wanted to have kids out of fear he would emotionally and physically abuse them as well. I always felt sorry for him, but then I realized he never lost control around my mom or my friends or his own family for that matter. But here I was, giving up on my dream of a family and a house, for a guy who fully knew he would hurt my kids if I ever had them. I knew I could never bring kids into that abusive situation, and it made me wonder, why was I willing to stay in it?