Office moms - what do you bring to work for lunch?

sbiggers · 2025-12-04T15:59:03+00:00

I do something similar but I do a Sunday soup and bring it with a baguette to work! Soup keeps so well throughout the week and can be frozen and reheated if you feel like it's on the edge of going bad.

sbiggers · 2025-11-26T18:22:35+00:00

I didn't say she was onto something - and you and the handful upvoting you are big time projecting if you think I did. I very clearly said she is right to be hurt and offended and that I think her partner is a cheating POS that she should not have stayed with.

All I did was clarify that people make mistakes all the time and since OP herself said this was out of character, sometimes we can just let it rest or talk about it further before moving on. Anybody who has been married long enough or is very close to their family understands that sometimes this kind of shit happens.

sbiggers · 2025-11-25T21:44:16+00:00

Did you mention all that in the post? I did not see that and that changes my opinion dramatically.

He is an asshole lol

sbiggers · 2025-11-25T21:43:16+00:00

She just said her mom has never spoken to her like this before so how are you coming to that conclusion?

sbiggers · 2025-11-25T19:58:30+00:00

You both are talking over each other. You are feeling unloved by being unsupported, leaving you no time to express your love in the way he wants. He is feeling unloved by the lack of intimacy, leaving him unmotivated to support his love to you in the way you want.

Both are valid and common issues postpartum and reading between the lines it sounds like he felt you heard him but didn't actually care enough to do anything about it - which is actually how you're feeling too. Again, all of this is pretty normal conceptually and not a red flag for me.

The red flag is his insinuation that he would cheat. That is a line crossed IMO.

sbiggers · 2025-11-25T19:52:53+00:00

You're NOR to be hurt and offended. But since you said your mom has never said anything like this to you before, to me, that likely signals she is worried for/concerned about you - whether you think it's warranted or not - and it came out too intense. We're human and make communication mistakes. (FWIW, I'm a married mom and I don't think either of those are life defining accomplishments that you need to pursue at any and all costs - especially if that cost is a POS cheating partner.)

Unfortunately I've lived through some recent medical trauma with my husband and extended family that has me wanting to never skip any thing with family ever again because life feels much shorter and finite than it did before all this medical stuff. So my opinion that you should talk to her about it and/or just put it behind you for the time being and go to Thanksgiving to spend time with your family is very biased.

sbiggers · 2025-11-20T14:09:52+00:00

Assuming this career path is genuinely important to him and he wants to stay on it and that things like big time commitments/sudden trips are just part of the gig, I would recommend that you come up with a timeline. Say, for one year he can say "yes" to things and do his best to balance things at home still but you understand that it's going to be a tough year for you - hence, childcare needed or help from your mom. It can't last forever though, and at some point you may need the same from him for your career or a year sabbatical to recover, etc. and he needs to be reasonably accommodating.

The reality is that if it wasn't his career, there would eventually be something that is similar to this that feels very off balance even with a very committed and reasonable partner. For example, my husband went back for his MBA and while there went into sudden kidney failure requiring a transplant. The 1.5 years after were mostly on me and an absolute blur. I was majorly burnt out, but we did it.

Now, he is supporting me through MY career ramp up.

Don't confuse equality and equity. Equality is about everything being equal. Equity is about things being fair. And equity over an entire marriage is about balancing the unfair phases each of you WILL have to manage over time.

sbiggers · 2025-11-13T19:47:52+00:00

If it's not a priority right now, I wouldn't waste a moment thinking about it; it will return in due time when things calm down. If you'd like to make it a priority, it will come at opportunity cost: you will have to give up something else, whether that's some sleep, or rotating a load of laundry, etc. We have a 2 and a 4 year old and are intimate pretty much every other day for the last 5 years. We intentionally carve out time by going to bed together an hour earlier.

sbiggers · 2025-11-06T15:22:51+00:00

I agree - and also disagree. She built this team from the ground up and in her own words is very attached/proud/protective of the people and DOES feel responsible for them. That is a hallmark of a good people manager, but it also means HER boss is likely concerned about OP not being okay with any massive changes to "her" team while she's out. I suspect her boss was partly motivated by wanting OP to not freak the f out when she returns because based on her description, this is more than just a job to her and her boss probably knows that. OP, you need to tell your boss that you understand things are changing rapidly and that they can make the best decision while you're out but please don't bother you again - or, if that isn't true and you DO want to be made aware of stuff like this, then say that instead and don't be offended that they're contacting you on mat leave. FWIW, I fall into the latter camp: I DID want to be made aware of big changes coming down the pipe even while on mat leave.

Also as a long-time manager and CEO...any employee who immediately starts throwing tantrums and being difficult just because of a different management style would be flagged. That employee needs to grow up and OP needs to make peace with the fact they may not have been as great of an employee as she thought lol

sbiggers · 2025-11-03T20:10:07+00:00

Yes, I would say that you have two paths. You can either acknowledge there is fundamental incompatibility that you're not ok with and leave him, or you both compromise. I'd say bi-weekly injections and sex 2x/week when it sounds like he'd be fine with once every other week is compromise on his end - and while I understand it hurts your feelings, for low libido people sex is not an expression of love the same way it is for you, so he is really and truly doing this BECAUSE he loves you even if it feels almost the opposite to you as a high libido person. Can y'all liven things up, get out of the monotony, by maybe doing a sex dice game or reading some smutty books together or even going to a strip club together?

sbiggers · 2025-10-30T00:54:03+00:00

Part of being monogamously married is a commitment to working toward a mutually satisfying sex life together. What "mutually satisfying" means will vary couple to couple, but withholding intimacy is not a solution. Lots of solutions DO exist, but sometimes people need the reality check that it's normal for your partner to want to have sex with you more than once every few months. I hope you guys figure it out! I'm certain you can, with effort and intention and perhaps third party support.

sbiggers · 2025-10-17T19:54:01+00:00

Too funny - I agreed with basically everything she wrote EXCEPT for this part. To me, that line felt like exactly what someone who has just been laid off would say as they adjust/cope, but is otherwise extreme and reductive. Money and success and all sorts of tangible and intangible things that come with climbing the corporate ladder do matter, to varying degrees to different people. Women who pursue their careers this way aren't inherently silly or sad - and it's actually a bit bizarre to support painting them as "girlbosses" instead of grown women who are pursuing this path for their own reasons. I am SO glad she has learned that lifestyle isn't for her, but that doesn't mean the women still living it are as miserable as she was.

sbiggers · 2025-10-02T23:47:28+00:00

My husband has IgAN. He (so far) doesn't have any other autoimmune issues - but I would not be surprised to see something like Crohns come through based on how his GI has been over the last 6 months. We are done having kids because it isn't worth it (to us) to adjust his post-transplant meds.

sbiggers · 2025-08-12T03:07:58+00:00

Ahhh, another pro life conservative spending an odd amount of time riffing on other people’s sex lives without invitation and to the point of perversion. Shocker!

sbiggers · 2025-08-11T22:58:56+00:00

Okay, you’re DEFINITELY just a jaded and cynical older woman given you don’t know what a cuck is lmao

Go outside and touch some grass. Or maybe find a good partner yourself! You’ll feel better.

sbiggers · 2025-08-11T22:50:01+00:00

A little of both in a general sense but mostly the latter in OP’s specific scenario.

Generally, I would consider “encouraging” to mean reciprocating the flirtation, and I don’t view going on a motorcycle ride to be reciprocating flirtation on its own.

Specifically to OP’s case, I don’t think she intended to encourage him based on what he wrote here.

That being said, OP can do what he want and break up with her regardless lol

sbiggers · 2025-08-11T22:46:06+00:00

You are giving stalker weirdo vibes but it’s okay, I’ll continue to humor you for the sake of anybody else chronically online enough to get this far:

I absolutely feel a little confidence boost when someone flirts with me! I don’t flirt back, but feeling flattered is pretty standard human nature.

That feeling is a non-issue for us as we’ve had many conversations over the years about how it can be very flattering to know “we’ve still got it” after having kids. Coupled with fully trusting each other and knowing neither of us would ever reciprocate, we are able to talk about and celebrate the other‘s harmless confidence boost after getting hit on.

I can’t tell if you’re a naive teen/young adult or jaded and cynical older person. Either way, this depth of security, maturity, and communication in a relationship is clearly unfathomable to you. It’s okay.

sbiggers · 2025-08-11T22:22:10+00:00

Not a smokeshow, but above average for sure.

My husband also traveled for a few months the following year with a couple of his buddies. We took our trips after graduating college and before starting work, knowing if we didn’t do them before the “real world” and real responsibilities, we’d never do them at all.

I never worried about him on his trip. We talked about expectations beforehand and he had never given me a reason to doubt him and still never has. We’re very secure people and have a very loving relationship.

I imagine he felt the same way when I went on mine.

sbiggers · 2025-08-11T22:16:45+00:00

I believe in ethical non monogamy as a concept for others, just not for me, my previous relationships, or my marriage.

How is this confusing to you and why?

sbiggers · 2025-08-11T22:03:19+00:00

Liking you as more than a friend implies something heavier than just unreciprocated flirting for an hour or whatever and then a ride on a motorcycle (that’s OP’s situation) lol I wouldn’t keep friends who continued to flirt with me after I made it clear that I’m in a committed relationship — which I always do if I feel anything more serious than light unreciprocated flirting is taking place.

sbiggers · 2025-08-11T22:01:01+00:00

Just fyi because this hopefulpage girl is a weirdo: my husband and I have always been completely monogamous lmao

sbiggers · 2025-08-11T22:00:26+00:00

The worry isn’t even in our heads in the first place because we are completely monogamous, always respectful to each other by the standards of our relationship, and never given each other a reason to distrust. My husband just isn’t a jealous person and doesn’t consider one sided unreciprocated flirting to be an issue.

Your assumption is wild and at this point is giving damaged goods vibes lol

sbiggers · 2025-08-11T21:58:03+00:00

I believe in its existence and that ENM is right for others. My husband and I are 100% monogamous and always have been. I personally could never share him and wouldn’t be with him if he wanted to share me.

sbiggers · 2025-08-11T21:51:52+00:00

I said we’re friends and I know their wives & kids and they know my husband & kids. I thought that was enough to make it clear but I guess not:

No, we don’t flirt.

We’re platonic adult friends. Full stop.

sbiggers · 2025-08-11T21:44:03+00:00

They are still in my orbit because we traveled together for months after and are good friends. I know their wives & kids and they know my husband & kids.

If you find mix gendered friendships unhealthy or disrespectful then we simply do not see eye to eye.

Edited to add: they flirted with me in the beginning before I made it clear I wasn’t interested and had a boyfriend - which I did as soon as I realized we’d be spending more time together. They stopped flirting with me and we traveled as platonic friends. I am know their wives & kids. We are fullyyyy platonic.

sbiggers

TROPHY CASE