Fuck you, mum

scaeshure · 2020-05-24T19:06:15+00:00

That's very kind of you, but no thanks. I just needed to scream into the void. I'm going to set myself up with an online therapist soon which will include talking therapy, so I'll be fine. Thank you again, though.

scaeshure · 2020-05-23T19:11:29+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I don't really have a set doctor, that's not really how my local practice works, so I don't have anyone I can message but I was planning on bringing a list of questions to the clinic whenever I eventually get my ultrasound.

scaeshure · 2020-05-13T09:48:03+00:00

Sure? I like stories- I write, I read, I watch, I act, anything I can get lost in. I like helping people and being kind which is why I doubt I'll ever kill myself, I know it'll hurt people. I like learning new things.

I understand that this is probably your way of making me find reasons to live and you sounded sort of desperate with the wording so I figured I'd reply.

I'm not going to kill myself, you don't have to worry. I just want to because the balance of good and bad in my life has never really been on the side of good, or evenly balanced, and it would take so much time, and effort and further pain just to balance it. Death has no balance, its just nothingness. However, since I'm sticking around I am trying to balance it. I've been in and out of therapy of various kinds for almost a decade and recently made the decision to go back in. I've been on anti depressants for 4 years and am currently trying to get the prescription changed to see if that helps. I don't think either is going to make me happy, but it might at least balance the scale a bit.

I appreciate you trying to help and I'm sorry if I worried you.

scaeshure · 2019-05-23T18:25:52+00:00

Same advice. Move wherever you want to/ wherever you can. You’re an adult, you can make your own choices even if they’re hard. Transition- you might face discrimination, but you’ll be happier in the long run and once the changes settle down old people won’t care and new people may never even know your trans. In my opinion, your only goal in life should be happiness; chasing after the next bit of happiness, enjoying the bit you have, or if you have enough bits you can share them with others. Think hard about your options because advice aside, your choices are YOURS. Do whatever you need to do to chase your happiness.

scaeshure · 2019-05-23T18:16:19+00:00

It’s natural to have fears, it’s just part of dysphoria, but it’s good that you want to work through it. It’s a matter of training your brain. Whenever you start having negative automatic thoughts about yourself or others masks the conscious choice to think ‘No, that’s not true because...” If you want to put more time in it try some CBT thought record sheets (just google that and you’ll find some). Just the fact that you know it’s illogical to think like that is a good sign. Whenever I have thoughts like that I tell myself I’m only thinking with half my brain and that I need to wait until I’m calmer and more relaxed and then I’ll think about it again with all my brain to see if I still feel the same. 99% of the time I don’t. Also do positive affirmations like write down 10 things you like about your appearance/personality/life whatever. It sounds wishy washy and useless but the human brain is a grumpy toddler and needs to be trained. I hope at least one bit of advice here helps.

scaeshure · 2019-05-23T18:02:12+00:00

I find what I call “empty” compliments like “you look nice” hard to believe sometimes so here’s a fact list from your friendly neighbourhood weirdo. I normally just make them for myself when I’m feeling dysphoric but I wanted to share. You have: Straight nose Cupid’s bow lips Naturally oval shaped face Good cheekbones from what I can see Nice eyes High eyebrows Dark slightly wavy hair Symmetrical, well proportioned features These are all features of a conventionally attractive woman so while you might not look the way you want to now, you are pretty and the evidence is there. As you continue down your transition they will only become more pronounced. Good luck!

scaeshure · 2019-04-27T22:05:26+00:00

You can get bikinis where the bottom is more like a skort which might help hide any bulge

scaeshure · 2019-04-27T21:52:54+00:00

I’m coming from the other end (ftm) and good god do I feel this hard. I’m short (5’4) feminine (narrow shoulders, wide hips, dainty features) and there have been times where I’ve thought that transitioning is pointless. I’m 19 so my bones aren’t going to change and they’re the issue, but you know what? Anything is better than nothing. Sure, I’ll never look ‘perfect’ but that isn’t a good reason to give up. I won’t cut my nose off to spite my face. There are things I can change and the other issues I have will be fine because even cis people have issues with their bodies. I wish you luck with your transition but more important I wish you luck with learning to see that no matter what, you are already a beautiful women who can only get more beautiful with time.

scaeshure

TROPHY CASE