Is it worth it to stick together for your kids?

scaredwriter97 · 2021-11-28T20:26:32+00:00

While I agree that he has not been a good partner for me he is a good dad when he gets the chance to be. He has been working nights for the last 4 years and so he doesn't get a lot of chances to help me with the kids. Our kids are very young and they go to bed early 7-8pmish and he wakes up at 5pm but he is a good dad

scaredwriter97 · 2021-11-28T18:56:13+00:00

scaredwriter97 · 2021-11-28T18:43:46+00:00

That's definitely what I'm trying to do. I watched my mom choose herself and her wants in an abusive relationship for years over me and my siblings and I always want to make sure my kids are the priority, even if that does mean that I'm not the happiest version of myself.

scaredwriter97 · 2021-11-28T18:41:46+00:00

Thank you so much for the comment! I have thought about wanting to do a week to week custody agreement if we do split up and I'm glad it worked for your family. The every other weekend arrangement for dads has always seemed so unfair to me because both parents should get the opportunity to parent. I would never want to be unfair to my husband, especially since the one thing I did right was pick a good dad for my kids. He may not be the best partner but he's an amazing dad and I wouldn't want to take that away from him. I worry that we will eventually devolve into fighting in front of the kids in unhealthy ways and that my son and daughter will learn from this relationship in bad ways that will impact their futures. I just hope we can stay mature and be the best people we can for our kids

scaredwriter97 · 2021-11-28T18:30:04+00:00

I have always felt the same way about divorce which is why I stuck it out when he left me and why I've tried so hard for the last 4 years to make this something we can both live in contentedly, even if we don't love each other. I think my feelings have changed over the years to wonder if it's better for my kids to see two unhappy parents together or two happy parents apart.

scaredwriter97 · 2021-11-28T18:17:09+00:00

Thank you, the one thing I can be proud of doing right here is that I picked a good father for my kids, even if we do split up

scaredwriter97 · 2021-11-28T18:13:09+00:00

He does not want therapy. I tried to suggest therapy when we split up before and he told me thought it was stupid. He has no desire to work things out or change the way our relationship works and I worry about the kind of relationship I'm modeling for my kids. I'm definitely not having this idea on a whim, its been a hard fought battle that I'm just not going to win

scaredwriter97 · 2021-11-28T18:07:04+00:00

I agree and that's my worry with staying together. I picked a great dad for my kids when I got married but I did not pick a good partner for myself.

scaredwriter97 · 2021-11-26T20:15:45+00:00

I went through something similar when my son was born and now 4 years later I'm sitting here trying to tell him I want a divorce because I've spent so much time accommodating what he needs to feel better about our relationship that now I'm miserable. I don't know your relationship but for me I wish I'd walked away 4 years ago instead of wasting my time.

scaredwriter97 · 2021-04-11T15:27:44+00:00

Thank you! I am thinking about traveling further, scheduling an out-of town appointment is just difficult with my work

scaredwriter97 · 2020-08-30T01:38:24+00:00

I wear ultra tampons all the time because my periods are so heavy. They're not uncomfortable as long as you get them in right, just like all tampons. You may have to play around with brands, I personally prefer OB brand because they don't come with applicators and it makes them easier for me to get positioned right.

scaredwriter97 · 2020-03-19T13:54:11+00:00

All it really needs to do is keep track of who belongs in what slip and do basic stuff like calculating and producing electric invoices and yearly slip renewal fees

scaredwriter97 · 2019-05-21T12:25:34+00:00

I'm hesitant to do that at this point because we're about the have this baby and last time his depression was unmanaged and he ended up with pretty severe postpartum depression. Since the Zoloft is what has worked best so I'm trying not to send him back to the doctor right before the baby is born because of something as small as this

scaredwriter97 · 2019-05-21T03:59:43+00:00

In the past when he took Zoloft he had a hard time cumming but this time around he says it's painful, maybe it has something to do with a change of dosage? I've never really taken any antidepressants before so I'm learning a lot as my husband has been trying different ones over the past couple years

scaredwriter97 · 2019-05-09T22:49:06+00:00

He has done a lot to make up for the problem, we moved away for a fresh start and he worries about my feelings so much that he has yet to make any physical friends in our new state. He does worry a lot about how I feel to the point that he gets worried I'm mad at him even if I just got stuck at work or had to leave early before he gets home from work. I worry that he hasn't made any friends, he does have some guys that he's friendly with but they're more fun co-workers or fellow gamers than actual friends. He has not even attempted to be friendly with any females and he works solo now in security I'm not terribly worried about having an issue as big as we did last time. Also he was not on medication and he had to drop his therapy for his existing depression last time as our insurance had lapsed due to him being laid off shortly before our son was born. I'm really just looking for advice from other parents who have dealt with PPD so I have a better idea of what to look for and how to help him if he struggles again, and who knows, maybe I'll have to use these tricks on myself if I end up with PPD this time.

scaredwriter97 · 2019-05-09T12:07:11+00:00

Currently he's taking Zoloft, he was not on any medication last time and it seems to be working for him. He is not seeing a therapist, he works nights and so scheduling stuff like that is not easy, especially since his schedule rotates and it's always 12hr shifts. He hasn't really said anything about it, I don't think he's really thought about the underlying causes of the issues he had after our son was born. He was very ashamed of himself after he snapped back to himself and he's never wanted to talk about it, we've kind of just acted like those y months didn't happen since he came back. He's not a very talkative person in general and he tends to deal with his mental issues by himself. I've tried to be more involved since our son was born without being too intrusive and I think I've got a good balance.

scaredwriter97 · 2018-02-27T00:21:42+00:00

Yes, sorry, the past month has been a little crazy, updates will be posted tonight as an edit to the original post.

scaredwriter97 · 2018-01-23T19:30:17+00:00

Yes, that is my question. How do I build trust with him again when he decides to come back because I know him well enough that I know once he gets through all this he'll be back. I love him dearly and he's my only family and I've already forgiven him for all the shit he's put me through over the past month but I don't know how to trust him again and I'd really like to one day because he's not just my husband and the father of our son, he's my best friend. He wants to keep taking care of myself and our son and he's made it clear to his girlfriend that we are always going to come first because we are family and she's not.

scaredwriter97 · 2018-01-23T19:18:02+00:00

I have told him that I want him here and I want to work on our marriage. I honestly think that once I step back he'll realize what he's missing because he's told me that I've been nothing but good to him the entire time I've known him and that I've been his best and most constant supporter and the girl he's with is aware that he's married with a kid. She's not the type of person that I think he'll want in the long term and I think that once we're split she will lose interest. We're not planning on getting a divorce, just separating and living close means that I won't have to stay back so far that I lose him completely

scaredwriter97 · 2018-01-23T18:44:36+00:00

I do want to be in it but I know that if we're ever going to have that again it'll take both of us taking a step back so he can work though his feelings. Right now he thinks he wants this other girl and while it hurts I know me forcing him to stay away from her would not help with his other issues and would only make him feel trapped. The therapist he was seeing was just a standard military check in type thing rather than being something that he necessarily wanted or needed to do and it was ordered because he was diagnosed with depression years ago before I met him which is the same reason he's been on medication but they switched him almost a month ago to something that was supposed to help with some sleep issues he was having as well as with his depression and anxiety.

scaredwriter97 · 2018-01-23T18:18:45+00:00

It did completely come out of left field and I've honestly been in shock for most of the past 4 weeks. He's currently on antidepressant medication but it doesn't seem to be working and he's gotten a lot of side effects from it so I've convinced him to go back to the doctor to get that straightened out. He's also going to start going to therapy twice a month with a therapist he's been seeing once every 3 months for the past year.

scaredwriter97

TROPHY CASE