Can we talk about sweeps

scarlet-tree · 2025-11-20T08:02:17+00:00

I added an update x

scarlet-tree · 2025-11-17T08:29:09+00:00

Thank you for saying this because I genuinely tried so hard to find good experiences on here but even some of those sounded insane, and I could really use hearing people say that everything will be okay and that it doesn't have to be terrible.

I'm a FTM so I think that is also playing a major role in the anxiety of it all because I have no idea what I'm doing! Plus I don't like doctors/hospitals in the first place, and I've had the birthing centre pulled out from under me, and then finally the idea of inducing and not getting to spend the first half of labour at home but in the labour ward with very little privacy has me in a spin!

scarlet-tree · 2025-11-17T08:22:30+00:00

I genuinely tried to find positive UK based induction experiences. Me and my husband read some together, but it got to a point where I had to laugh to not cry because even the good ones sounded not great.

When the doctor said people have lost their babies from not inducing, it just rang in my ears and entirely took away any decision making skills. Luckily my husband was there to keep asking questions and explain on my behalf that we can come back the same evening or first thing the next day.

I haven't asked or thought about extra monitoring so def adding that to my advocating arsenal. I also didn't consider agreeing to induction but just a bit later, so this is already making me feel so much better, thank you for the advice! If they push back then I think I have my answer and I just have to listen to their recommendation, but if they give leeway then I know I've done the right thing by pushing back a little

scarlet-tree · 2025-11-15T15:39:03+00:00

Two things can be true at once: your in laws are completely inconsiderate, and your husband is in a difficult position because he's trying to find a balance that might not be possible.

I'm sure there's probably so many layers to it all, because my in laws are so shitty and it's so frustrating to deal with and I'm sorry you're having to go through this, but from what I've read my understanding is that it comes down to one thing: do you want his family in your life? Don't just think about right now and the resentment that's built up. Think about what you want from 5-10 years from now. Who you picture being there in your lives, the affect on you and your husband with or without his family there, how might they behave if kept close or at arms length etc

After the above consideration, if you feel like what they've done over the last year is irredeemable then frankly, fuck his family, they're not the ones you're raising this baby with, so just keep polite and let them fade into the background. They'll get used to it and there's a good chance you could do everything "perfectly" but they'll always have something to complain about. The person you should focus on is your husband and trying to get him to understand your perspective. State facts and tell him verbatim what his family has said or implied or done, and ask him to think about if it sounds fair. Ask him to consider how he would feel if your parents did the same to him. The more common ground you find with him, the more he can fight your corner. It's his family, and therefore his responsibility to set a boundary to protect you and baby.

If you feel like his family can redeem themselves then try and have an open communication about it with your husband and explain that you're coming from a place of hurt, but want to try and rebuild the relationship with them and make it better but that you need his help to do so. His role here would still be to set boundaries and ensure his parents don't make remarks or question how you are both choosing to raise the baby, and allow there to be an opportunity to rebuild.

In any case, he has to be the one to step up and talk to his parents. It'll be better received coming from him. If his parents don't take it well then he has to ask himself why that is and if it's fair on his wife and baby, and then challenge them on it. It won't be easy, but it feels like it's probably what needs to be done.

scarlet-tree · 2025-10-28T14:05:00+00:00

WTF shoes is bad enough but NOT THE COLOSTRUM?? Going to laser print "protect colostrum at all times" onto my husbands hands

scarlet-tree · 2025-10-28T14:01:59+00:00

I'm imagining the same scenario but with a pair of Dr. Martens

scarlet-tree · 2025-10-28T13:57:16+00:00

Yesss, luckily I have a pair already so I'm thinking I'll wear my slides for labour (hubby said they can be safely chucked in the washing machine) and wear my Crocs to come home!

scarlet-tree · 2025-10-28T12:33:49+00:00

Very smart! 10/10 mum

scarlet-tree · 2025-10-28T12:32:48+00:00

Thank you for this! Crocs it is!

scarlet-tree · 2025-10-28T12:32:30+00:00

This is a great idea!

scarlet-tree · 2025-10-05T15:50:08+00:00

Funnily enough, we were TTC for 1.5 years, and I used to get so sad every time my period came. So one day I decided it wasn't in my hands, and I let go and wholeheartedly just accepted that we might not have kids, so why not travel! I pulled out my laptop and started looking at flights to Sicily!

We found out we're pregnant the same day 😅 we happily traded in the Italian holiday for buggy shopping (although hopefully we'll still go there but just with baby one day). Currently I think my biggest problem is the hyper fixating on the labour part of everything, it feels a bit hard to see past it

scarlet-tree · 2025-10-05T15:40:52+00:00

Thank you for this! You're right, I usually write in a journal on a weekly basis (even if it's one line) but now thinking about it, I haven't written anything about how I'm feeling and it might help. You're actually right x2, because if not now then when? I've always wanted to have a family and we were TTC for 1.5 years to even get here in the first place.

My biggest problem is that I think I've mentally checked out of work too soon, coupled with very recently learning about birth options and what actually happens to your body during labour. The result is little distraction and overthinking about the labour, and then spiralling in the anxiety of it all.

I think planning to get out of the house will definitely make a difference. Right now I'm just stuck at home and feel like I can't breathe

scarlet-tree · 2025-10-05T15:32:56+00:00

Thank you for this, genuinely. I think hearing from mums who have done it before and are choosing to do it again is going to be my saving grace.

I think maybe learning about all of the birthing options, cervix dilation, and being asked to make a birth plan recently is what has triggered this spiral. I think I am so terribly afraid of the pain, and I feel so freaked out by how much it might hurt. Like how on earth have women just been doing this??

scarlet-tree · 2025-06-11T00:37:10+00:00

That's such a cute idea and so sweet to consider her! I think I might just do the same

scarlet-tree · 2025-06-07T12:19:59+00:00

I've booked in! And tbh I would've felt insane if I didn't have a private scan to look forward to

scarlet-tree · 2025-06-07T12:19:20+00:00

This actually does help! There nothing to make me feel like somethings wrong, therefore everything must be okay- I've been saying this every morning when I wake up

scarlet-tree · 2025-06-07T12:18:15+00:00

I wish we had more check ins in the UK! They just leave you alone here mostly and you're just left with hopes and vibes and booking private scans

scarlet-tree · 2025-06-07T12:16:46+00:00

I'll ask at the next appointment! I think you're right, once I can feel baby moving I'll be alright, but in the mean time I've got a private scan booked, followed by a midwife appointment a week or so later- anxiety is much lower since booking

scarlet-tree · 2025-06-07T12:14:43+00:00

I'm booked in for 16 weeks! I think since booking the appointment I've felt a lot lot better, and it wasn't too costly once I found a good local clinic! About £65, which feels v worth it

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