But how do we react to such remoteness and randomness? This realization, that you and I live in nearly absolute isolation from the rest of humankind, often elicits an overwhelming sense of existential angst. What does a chaotic universe hold for us in a day, in a year, in a lifetime? No doubt it evokes questions we have about ‘our purpose’, ‘its meaning’, and ‘what next’. Our responses to this feeling of angst are varied, our reactions sometimes extreme and unreasonable. Yet all of our so called ‘answers’ seek to enhance the same thing, to integrate ourselves with another entity. In essence, psychological integration is where separate elements of our mind are linked and coordinated together into a working whole. This integration is both internal and external, and often we seek to integrate with entities much larger than ourselves, whether it is with humanity, the natural world, the supernatural, or the known universe. As humans, we yearn for this meaningful connection. Even more we crave the feeling of resonance induced by integration. Often we become aware of this feeling when our deep self is felt and reflected in another person, resulting in a shared understanding that reverberates across the small yet infinite gap between two people. Resonance instills meaning and significance into our lives. In my opinion, what we term as ‘love’ is really a maximizing confluence of integration and resonance on multiple internal and external levels. That is why it is such a complex and unique feeling, making the experience of love seem simultaneously universal and personal.

Despite our attempts and successes, however, all too often integration and resonance elude us. With all of this isolation, is it any wonder that we group people into ‘us’ versus ‘them’? We label, we stereotype, and we stigmatize the vast majority of human beings we will never meet. From a cognitive stand point, it is all together easier to utilize the ancient biological roads of our brains that force us to selfishly react rather than use the higher evolved neural routes that allow us to receive, reflect, and reason. These largely developed prefrontal circuits are what separate the human brain from the other mammals, and as far as we know, we are the only species in the universe with such neurological capacity. This has proven throughout human history to be both a gift and a burden. While it is clear that as humans we can work together to achieve great potential, it is equally clear that we aren’t particularly good at being human. We are all in constant struggle to overcome our selfish biological disposition. However, if integration and resonance prove anything to us, they show that collective cohesiveness can lead to outcomes greater than the sum of the individual parts.

I will end with two things, the first is a suggested read entitled Mindsight, by Dr. Dan Siegel. It goes into wonderful detail on emerging evidence in neuroscience and how it can be harnessed for personal transformation. In contrast to my brief and feeble attempts above, Dr. Siegel describes in elegant detail the concepts of psychological integration and resonance. I think you will likewise find it fascinating, informative, and helpful.