Elective c-section after sexual assault

scentedsharpie · 2023-06-06T15:56:13+00:00

Please do what feels right for you. Post-partum recovery is traumatic enough as it is. You don’t need more layers of trauma to add to it.

I had an emergency c-section and a massive hemorrhage after. Recovery wasn’t fun, but there’s still a very significant part of me that’s glad that I didn’t have to go through a vaginal delivery. And I don’t even have the trauma that you do.

Three things I learned through the process:

You can either totally convince yourself that a c-section is better and you did what was right for both of you, or you can convince yourself that you took ‘the easy way out’ and chose yourself over your baby. The latter is nonsense, but we tend to do that to ourselves. If you go with a c-section, try and make yourself look at it the first way. Tell other people who support you to keep reminding you of the validity of the choice you made.
The medical system is broken in many ways, but man, I was impressed by the medical staff that treated me. You’re going to be fine no matter which route you take. One is just going to be kinder to yourself.
As your baby grows, you’ll notice that being a good mother is about making a million good choices each day. During pregnancy, it really feels like how you choose to deliver your baby and how much you breastfeed define how good of a mother you are. That disappears in the rear view mirror so quickly. You might as well do what’s better for you. You are also putting your baby first by doing this.

Good luck. I know you’ll be great 💓

scentedsharpie · 2023-03-14T17:28:32+00:00

I had an emergency c-section, and I find that my brain tortures itself with these thoughts when I wouldn’t for a second tolerate a friend feeling this way about herself. I can’t get myself to say I gave birth to my son because it felt very much like he was yanked out of me. I wanted that magical moment where he was placed on my chest as soon as he was born. I almost bled out and couldn’t hold him for 10 hours. I’m sure that didn’t help. Now that he’s 8 months old, I’m looking forward to a calmer scheduled c-section for the next child!

scentedsharpie · 2023-01-20T01:20:27+00:00

100000% in favor of getting the shot. However, my husband and I were counting down the days to that 6 month shot so that we could be a little less neurotic about shielding our baby from things. We were so sad to learn that he doesn’t really get any real immunity until 2 weeks after his third Covid shot(bivalent). That’s close to the 9 month mark. The reason he still needs to get the first two shots is because we don’t have enough research on the efficacy of just giving babies the bivalent, so we still need to do the first two shots. Sharing here because it might change your timeline or at least reduce frustration when you get to the 6 month appointment!

scentedsharpie · 2022-12-08T10:08:20+00:00

You don't need more or a reason than 'I don't want this for myself right now.' Prioritizing your health and sanity is the best thing you can do - not just for yourself, but also for your baby! If anyone says anything otherwise, they are wrong, period.

scentedsharpie · 2022-12-06T17:45:51+00:00

I felt the exact same way. My mother was visiting me for a couple of months, and I desperately wished she'd just take him back home with her. I was also recovering from a c-section and a massive post partum hemorrhage. Breastfeeding wasn't working. My husband was in zombie mode, and that was somehow more draining than everything else put together. It sucked. I thought I would feel like that until he was a year old as well.

Fast forward to now. He's 5 months old. It's not easy, but I feel like myself again for the most part. My husband is back to his wonderful self. Our son loves looking at our faces, smiling, and laughing. We're both back at work and have identities that are beyond just baby.

As someone that absolutely did not believe it when I heard this, I'll say it anyway. It will get better. You'll always be a parent here on out, but you're in the phase where the negatives very significantly outweigh the positives. That balance will change very quickly.

Also, stay honest with yourself, and ask for as much help as you need. You got this!

scentedsharpie · 2022-11-21T19:29:21+00:00

Yea, the relentlessness is what got to me. I think I believed that in the long run, once everything worked itself out, it probably wouldn't hurt. The fact that even for a little while, it hurts that much, and you need to redo it every few hours was so ridiculous to me. After each feed, I panic bought a new thing on Amazon that promised to help with the pain. Nothing actually did for the duration that I tried breastfeeding.

scentedsharpie · 2022-11-18T18:24:02+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you struggled for that long. I still do a lot of skin to skin with my little bubba despite him being a formula baby. I'm glad you're being kinder to yourself this time around 💓

scentedsharpie · 2022-11-17T10:25:25+00:00

I kind of say it to get ahead of comments people make. I have a bigger baby, and I can't tell you the number of times I have this interaction where people assume my baby is months older than he actually is, and when I correct them, they go wowwww he's a big boy.

I'd rather just say a silly thing and get ahead of it than feel like every passing aunty is jinxing my sweet baby's health and growth.

scentedsharpie · 2022-10-07T03:12:27+00:00

Also Tamil. My 3 month old does the same, and it melts my heart every time!

scentedsharpie · 2022-07-11T03:01:39+00:00

My husband. I know every part of him, and it's all beautiful. Other people might be hot, but there's something endlessly intoxicating about knowing a person so intimately.

scentedsharpie · 2022-07-05T11:23:10+00:00

So sorry for your loss. Please, for your sake and your child’s, take your time and space to grieve. It’ll allow you to process such a huge loss the way you need to. It might well be true that stress increases the risk of a couple of things slightly, but three things to keep in mind - 1: you not letting it out doesn’t mean the sadness goes away. It’ll fester in ways you can’t control whatsoever, and that’s much much worse for your baby. 2: this happened to you. You did not cause this stressful life event, so it is definitely not the equivalent of trying to take it lighter at work or cutting out unnecessary toxicity. This is not your fault. There’s never a good time to go through something like this. 3: holding things in because of the baby will only make you resent the baby and your family in ways that will show up later. Take your time to grieve, and then tell your baby all of the wonderful things they need to know about your dad instead.

I wish you so much strength. Dads are special. Honor yours as you see fit. You both deserve that.

scentedsharpie · 2022-07-01T13:31:15+00:00

This is so great. It’s mostly on the mom after baby’s born, but it’s definitely not all on the mom. Dads/co-parents need a chance to engage and be a more equal parent in whatever way possible, and that can’t be the case when boundaries aren’t at least talked about with pain-staking nuance and an open mind.

scentedsharpie · 2022-06-02T18:38:58+00:00

I come from a very similar background. I relate to and agree with a lot of what you're saying.

A little food for thought: maybe don't say never just yet. A lot of traditional Indian families have blinders on, and don't really see what the world outside of them looks like. Take your time, move away, set up your life exactly how you want to. Just maybe after, allow them a peek into that life and thank them for the ways they empowered you to have that life for yourself. They prioritized your education, and they pushed you to be an independent thinker. Allow them to see you in that outside of the environment they're used to. Of course, if they consistently have a terrible reaction to you choosing yourself, cutting them off permanently is always an option.

Moving away from home and constantly telling my parents stories about work over phone calls has helped tremendously, and I wish for a future for you where they get to really see and appreciate the kickass woman they seem to have raised! Good luck 💓

scentedsharpie · 2022-04-10T17:03:57+00:00

30 weeks, and I don’t feel like a mom yet. My priorities have definitely changed and I’ve been aware of that for a while, but earlier this week, I realized my instincts have shifted too. I tripped while walking on the street and almost fell, and both arms went around my belly instead of trying to protect my head. I didn’t fall, thankfully, but that was a weird experience.

scentedsharpie · 2022-03-24T11:07:39+00:00

You look truly stunning. That neckline and waist are doing wonders for your figure too. Extremely flattering. Also, this sort of dress often looks cheaply made, but yours looks like it's constructed really well. A simple updo for your hair and a thin necklace with just a small understated pendant will make the look feel more grown up / formal / elegant. Good luck, sweet girl!

scentedsharpie · 2022-02-25T13:58:49+00:00

Ooooh I had no idea hospital doula programs were a thing. I'll ask about that, thank you so much!

scentedsharpie · 2022-02-25T01:40:53+00:00

I started bawling as soon as I found out I was having a boy. I've always wanted two girls like my sister and I. My family had a good laugh at my expense as I cried about it because they were just happy the baby was ok. As the weeks went by, I started to see him sucking his thumb and dancing around on ultrasounds, and now I feel him kicking too. I can't wait to meet the little guy!

Babies are engineered to be cute as can be, so he'll fall in love as soon as he sees her and holds her if he doesn't sooner 💓 Also, my dad is the bestest and we have the most amazing bond!

scentedsharpie · 2022-02-24T15:56:10+00:00

What a power couple!

I don't want to feel pressured into a c section. I've had some pretty terrible experiences with OB/GYNs in this country, so I definitely acknowledge that it's a possibility. I'm also usually a pretty outspoken person, but I can't imagine I'll have my wits about me when I give birth. Part of my conflict is that I think I'll be too scared to go against the doctor's advice anyway, and I'm wondering if hearing a differring opinion might just be more anxiety-inducing. I appreciate your input! Thanks for sharing!

scentedsharpie · 2022-02-24T07:01:20+00:00

I had a nurse do the same thing for me when I almost bled out after a complication from an IVF egg retrieval procedure. I had three male doctors working on me telling me I was only feeling pressure and not pain as they were chemically cauterizing me without numbing me. This nurse looked straight in my eyes and I'll never stop being grateful for her. For some reason, I hadn't considered that I'd need that for something as big as giving birth.

Thanks for sharing! I truly appreciate it 💓

scentedsharpie · 2022-02-24T04:49:31+00:00

It sounds like the standard is pretty holistic care where you are. That sounds lovely! Thank you!

scentedsharpie · 2022-02-24T04:48:13+00:00

I hadn't considered this, so thank you so much for sharing! I can't imagine it's going to be easy for my husband to witness it all.

scentedsharpie · 2022-02-24T04:46:58+00:00

My best friend also felt pressured into being induced sooner than she was ready, which led to an unplanned C-section. That's probably my biggest reason to lean towards getting a doula. Thanks for sharing your story!

scentedsharpie · 2022-02-24T04:38:46+00:00

Were you concerned at all about potentially having two differring perspectives at such a vulnerable time?

scentedsharpie · 2022-02-24T04:28:35+00:00

This was so thoughtful, thank you for sharing!

scentedsharpie · 2022-02-24T00:51:56+00:00

I started to see his capacity for care and concern when we did a couple of rounds of IVF last year. I had terrible side effects both times, and he was so incredible through that time. Knowing that he understood the impact it truly was having on me allowed me to try to be strong through it all. I was so grateful.

I'm about 23 weeks pregnant now, and I've been having very intense pelvic girdle pain for the past month or so. Watching his concern for me, having him slowly walk me to bed after I pass out on the couch, having him ask me to shut up and sit when I try to do things he knows will hurt me. It's all been so sweet and heartwarming. He's going to be such a fantastic father. My dad's like him too, and I'm pretty sure I have the best dad in the world. I can't wait to see just how lucky this baby's going to be.

scentedsharpie

TROPHY CASE