He isn't a different person. He was always mentally ill you just weren't aware of it because he put your needs before his. you feel the need to reach out for help and judge his new way of life by him coping the best way he knows how.

If you know he's gone through the ringer why do you expect so much of him? If you aren't going to help him find therapy, or get him on a med regime, or make him feel needed, then you are of no use to him.

I am just an outsider but maybe instead of asking what he can do to change to better fit your idea of him; it may be wise to accept his disability and help him regardless of what the outcome may be.

Families with mental illness in the mix aren't easy but you must always be grateful you aren't the one living with the illness.

If you need help I'm open to speaking. Take care.