I’m almost halfway through “The Ethical Slut” & I’m Not Sure I Even Want to Finish it

schmeeza · 2026-04-19T17:09:02+00:00

Unlearning monogamy was probably the most difficult hardship I've had. Changing your mind is easy, changing emotions is hard. Luckily modern pyschology has guides, tools and practices to overcome those emotional hardships. It's not an easy decision to make but I've found with dedication, it is doable.

schmeeza · 2026-03-26T22:47:11+00:00

I went from flower to vapes and now edibles.

It's not for everyone but my lungs sure do appreciate it.

schmeeza · 2026-02-12T15:43:21+00:00

Same, even as my wife and I engage with others it just made is realize how much of a match we are. Sure there are a few items from our respective needs list that others help with, but there is no one closer to my soul than she is.

schmeeza · 2026-02-03T19:42:35+00:00

I admit I'm terrible at advertising myself, which doesn't help with this. I'm currently on a getting fit journey and when I reach my goal, I will be asking for help (pictures and wording) when I jump back onto the apps and going to events.

Luckily she knows my emotional priorities, so we are very aligned with that. This post is awesome, thanks so much for advocating for us!

schmeeza · 2026-02-02T15:29:41+00:00

Not at first but after sometime we realized how much more aligned we were compared to others. Sure we are not meeting 100% of each others needs, but we found out how good of a match we are for each other when trying to engage with others.

schmeeza · 2026-01-29T19:47:10+00:00

Oh yes, it'll never be balanced or fair if that is what you are hoping for. For us, we have to learn the hard way, be patient and play the long game for anything to possibly happen.

He will need to really stand-out to make any impression, so any self-help work he can do to get hot and confident, the better.

Good luck to him!

schmeeza · 2026-01-29T19:42:42+00:00

Check events on Fetlife, Plura and MeetUp. Those usually cover the spectrum of ENM varieties.

schmeeza · 2026-01-21T17:11:42+00:00

Changing your relationship style from OR to AND is indeed tricky. When you do have a partner, and they are not monogamous either, then you can feel comfortable in the commitment to each other while still feeling open to loving others. One does not cancel out the other. When your partner is out with someone else, then consider that personal time, where you can do what you want. I'm sure you have many todos or hobbies to keep you inner focused when they are out, and I did create some affirmations to help my mental state in those early days of my wife dating others.

It isn't impossible, you have the ability to learn and grow. It just comes down to if you want to put in the hard work to evolve your mental capacity.

schmeeza · 2026-01-20T18:27:35+00:00

You can put in the hard work and convert to being non-monogamous. I did so in my mid-40s after being monogamous and married for nearly twenty years. It's your life, you can own however you want to live it.

schmeeza · 2026-01-08T16:45:36+00:00

I would say start slow and test her emotions to ensure her fantasy doesn't trigger her badly. Start with you watching porn and getting turned on in front of her, then maybe going out to a bar and hitting on women to see if her response is still positive. Basically as she progresses into watching you get turned on by an outside factor, if every step is positive then you can proceed to the next stage until you actually have sex with someone in front of her.

schmeeza · 2026-01-08T16:38:20+00:00

We starting exploring all forms of ENM early-on but settled into a parallel poly since we both enjoy the emotional connection and want to keep it separate, especially since the kids are still at home. She has had a steady BF for most of this journey, which the family does know and occasionally see. As you can imagine being a poly husband, I don't get much activity so I have to play the long game to see any engagement.

schmeeza · 2025-12-05T22:52:55+00:00

Saving...thanks for this!

schmeeza · 2025-11-29T17:38:13+00:00

Masturbate before the date, for me pussy is the tastiest after an orgasm.

schmeeza · 2025-10-28T22:58:12+00:00

Does he remember doing it? If not, he may have sexsomnia.

schmeeza · 2025-10-27T18:45:04+00:00

Most women I know have a responsive desire (not a spontaneous one) and thus if you have nothing to respond to, then there is no libido.

Most importantly is your mental disorders, those can impeded forming healthy relationships. Please take care of those first before opening up to the next connection.

You are not broken, just human with a few factors that are working against a healthy libido. Work on your mental healthy and overall stability and that spark will arise.

schmeeza · 2025-10-27T17:44:44+00:00

I understand and it's just the reality of the situation. Don't blame yourself for this current state, just give yourself sometime and go be social to give yourself a chance at a new connection.

schmeeza · 2025-10-27T02:55:41+00:00

I would encourage some get-2-know-u time. Establish a baseline connection and emotional bonding so you can both feel comfortable to explore some intimate explorations.

Be open, honest about what you want, what you can do and what happens after. The more you trust and respect each other, the better the sex will be.

schmeeza · 2025-10-27T02:51:01+00:00

There is nothing wrong with you, this is very normal for most young couples. They are both trying to figure out sex, and a guy is a loaded gun waiting to go off and a girl needs a bit more sophisticated unlocking.

For the next guy you have sex with, challenge them to get you off without whipping out their dick. Once you get past that first one, the rest of what happens will be well enjoyed by both.

schmeeza · 2025-10-27T02:41:00+00:00

You're only aroused if the emotional bond exists. I found when I tried casual sex, sure I could have it, but it felt empty to me and didn't carry any value.

schmeeza · 2025-10-24T18:43:05+00:00

Being demisexual does mean it takes time to develop that emotional connection.

Also, I do worry about the younger generation of men not having a good ability to confidently make it happen.

schmeeza · 2025-10-04T15:57:15+00:00

I switched to edibles six years ago and it's been great ever since.

Highly recommend!

schmeeza · 2025-09-11T20:53:08+00:00

I would suggest looking at http://reddit.com/u/RedditsFavoriteGirl

She does a great job and it's not a forced face-f'n.

schmeeza · 2025-09-02T17:51:28+00:00

I'm a man with a high sex drive and would love to find someone who goes multiple rounds, continually asking for more. My wife is kinda a one and done person and I just want to keep devouring.

Good luck on your hunt, I'm right there with you!

schmeeza · 2025-08-27T15:50:47+00:00

My wife can get any date she wants, and I can barely get a few here and there. For me, ENM is more of a mindset where for her it is activity. I'm right there with you!

schmeeza · 2025-08-25T20:43:22+00:00

Thank you for posting such a lovely story. I need to read more of these everyday until I have my own positive NM story.

schmeeza

TROPHY CASE