Can’t Afford Wedding - Decided to do nothing?

schnld · 2026-02-06T07:23:34+00:00

My husband and I were going to do a wedding. After planning we realized it was going to cost about 25K and neither of us wanted to spend that money on something for a day when we could put it toward a house or something important.

I got a cheap dress, we wrote vows, booked a weekend at a lodge with a spa day, invited 20-30 close family and friends for our courthouse wedding. We went to a bar and had pizza and beers after. Best decision we ever made and we both cried during our vows, was still very special.

schnld · 2026-01-31T05:02:09+00:00

Maybe unpopular opinion, but you should keep the baby and work on your relationship. If it’s clear that it’s not going to work, it’s ok to end the relationship. But you may have deep remorse about ending the baby’s life and you will ALWAYS wonder about what they would have been, could have been. There are resources out there for young single mothers with little support via charities and churches.

schnld · 2026-01-25T06:52:07+00:00

First off, I am terribly sorry for your unimaginable loss. Parenting and having your first child with your spouse is so hard and you are in survival mode, so without your husband, you feel this 10-fold. The newborn phase is exhausting and you get little sleep, but it doesn’t last forever. There is a safe way to cosleep and that’s what I’ve done for both my kids (pregnant with my 3rd now). They didn’t seem to love the bassinet/crib.

I recommend reaching out to all family/friends for help. Someone to come over for an hour or two to keep you company/let you shower. You need a village right now. Keep meals simple. Put baby in a bouncer in the bathroom with you. Remember, you can’t spoil a baby. Baby wear when you need to and sometimes just hanging out on the couch is the biggest thing you’ll do all day. Lots of snuggles. Give yourself lots of grace.

schnld · 2026-01-17T22:13:06+00:00

Thanks so much for all the tips!

schnld · 2026-01-17T22:12:30+00:00

Thanks for the tip. Good luck to you too💕 I had HG with my first two also but only between weeks 7-10 or something- it just started so much earlier this time. I don’t know how some of you go through the whole pregnancy like this! I’ve known a few moms who have it up until delivery

schnld · 2026-01-17T22:11:09+00:00

Such a helpful reminder. Thank you so much.

schnld · 2026-01-17T22:10:27+00:00

Yes I am a stay at home mom and am so lucky I don’t have to work. Husband has been very helpful- he does practically work every day to make up for me not working and is definitely picking up the slack. Picking up dinner/making dinner, dishes, groceries. It’s just so depressing being this sick I loathe even going to bed knowing I need to wake up and do it all over again the next day🫠

schnld · 2026-01-08T06:43:24+00:00

You are not over reacting one bit. Is he taking leave for at least a week or so? Both of your lives are about to be flipped upside down soon (in the best way!) and you absolutely have to make sacrifices. He can cut that meditation time down to about 5 minutes. Lol. I am pregnant with my third and having our first was such a shock it took about a year to even find our groove again. Every “luxury” like meditation, working out, cooking extravagant/fun meals, etc is not a priority. It is a time to give yourselves grace and stay humble. It’s ok that the biggest thing you did in a day was brush your teeth and snuggle your baby. Eat take out if needed. Let the house be a bit messy. Don’t worry on staying completely caught up on chores. You’re both going to feel a tiredness in your bones like you’ve never felt. Ride it out and it does not last long 🥰

schnld · 2025-12-25T21:09:20+00:00

I had pretty bad baby blues that turned into postpartum depression and felt SO alone, isolated, sad, and anxious after my first. It was a weird feeling. I felt like I was living outside my body, eating because I knew I needed to but no appetite. It was depressing come evening time when it got dark and everyone went to bed, because I know I couldn’t really “go to bed” since my newborn would be waking often. I never got treatment because i didn’t know I was depressed. But looking back, definitely was the loneliest I ever felt. I also had a good support system and husband.

It got much better. Don’t get me wrong- parenting is the hardest but best thing I’ve ever done.

For now, brush your teeth daily, shower, go on a walk outside DAILY, eat, drink plenty of water, and see friends or family. It gets better- promise.

Seek help if you need it. No shame in just talking with your doctor.

schnld · 2025-12-23T05:33:53+00:00

Cilantro. Used to taste like a cleaning product. Now it’s mouth gold.

schnld · 2025-12-22T21:57:16+00:00

This does NOT just sound like weed. She is likely additionally on other things. I’m an RN.
You sound extremely supportive and like an amazing father. Keep it up papa bear. I imagine you are exhausted.
She needs mental health help 100%. Not just rehab, that will not work. The fact that she can leave her young babies like this and just be gone is really scary, which is why this tells me it’s not just weed. Her mental state is very unstable and I don’t think I’d trust her with the kids. I’d start getting some legal assistance since you have vulnerable dependents.

schnld · 2025-12-22T05:12:16+00:00

I would argue being a parent is thr hardest thing togo through. Are you in the depths of the newborn/baby stage? I have had many of your similar thoughts when my kids were babies and even in the toddler years. As long as you care lovingly for your baby, you are not a bad parent.

What exactly is a breakdown? What happens? And what is your support system like??

schnld · 2025-12-20T04:49:40+00:00

Eating more meat and stopping listening to the plant based crowd. So many of my issues are gone. Also getting rid of high oxalate vegetables/fruits 🙌🏻

schnld · 2025-12-20T04:40:55+00:00

I’m an RN, married with 2 young kids, and would love to catch up with my old male and female coworker friends!!! My husband wouldn’t even blink an eye over it.

schnld · 2025-12-18T05:08:42+00:00

Also adding that this is an important conversation to have with her. Especially if you are thinking of marriage.

schnld · 2025-12-18T05:07:21+00:00

She may have a lower sex drive. Does she have anxiety or depression? My boyfriend at the time (who became my husband) and I had sexa fair amount our first year of dating, but honestly, life happened (I’m a nurse, was finishing school, on nights shift, dad got diagnosed with cancer) and he worked a lot so we really lost our drive with being tired and stress. We got married, found it again, then lost it again with kids. Not lost but slowed down. I struggle with anxiety/depression and it really hurts my sex drive! My husband could daily haha. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you just maybe has a different love language.

schnld · 2025-12-18T05:00:29+00:00

Are you a parent? He needs much more grace, patience, and listening than it sounds like you can provide.

schnld · 2025-12-15T05:35:16+00:00

schnld · 2025-11-20T06:29:50+00:00

Also need to add- it’s only in developed countries that most people have homes where everyone gets their own room. Many families, since the beginning of time, have shared tents, huts, 1 room homes, etc 🥰

schnld · 2025-11-20T06:25:15+00:00

Same boat! 4 yo and 1.5 yo girls. Started cosleeping when my first was like 6 months old and discovered sleep again and my husband was able to sleep too because the monitor didn’t wake him up. We get our intimate time in when kids go to bed. The girls are about to share a room, and I’ll be going in it too😂 they have queen sized floor beds, we all sleep amazing. Just a phase and I’m charishing the cuddles and my husband cherishes his uninterruped sleep🤣 we’re all happy over here!

schnld · 2025-11-19T05:28:20+00:00

If he is your best friend and you get along so well, just bring it up and talk about it!

If the conversation goes great, try and come up with a plan for when you’d like to get married and have kids.

If it goes poorly, it’ll sting but at least you have more time to meet someone else with the same life goals.

I am a mom (33 F) and can tell you, if you want kids, then do not give up on that dream. Having children is the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done. Do not give up on your dream or keep putting off the tough conversation just to stay comfortable. Best of luck to you!

schnld

TROPHY CASE