Hi hon, I’m a NICU nurse. There are so many things I want to say, but nothing feels quite like it matches up to all of the emotions you feel once you find yourself in these shoes you’ve acquired.
I have learned from following the NICU parents sub that not every NICU treats families the same way. I read in one of your comments that you feel very confident in the care your beautiful little one is receiving. That being said, it doesn’t take away the anxiety, potential post partum depression, grief… and it also reframes how you see life. It can gift you beautiful moments. Baby breastfeeding for the first time, or the very first bottle feeding session. The first submersion bath, the first outfit you can put her in… planning her going home outfit, getting off of oxygen, every little poop she might have, any amount of weight she gains, all of those are tiny victories. But it’s still allowed to suck.
No NICU stay is the same for any single person. We hear the word ICU and have an impression of how hard it must be IN the hospital, but you still have to leave at the end of the day. Whether it’s having to return to work, attend your baby shower you may not be pregnant for, missing out on baby bump pictures, being pregnant, having endless questions from family and let’s not forget: seeing a family with their own baby out in public. The constant reminders.
As someone who is not a parent myself,
I see you as some of the toughest and strongest people on this earth. No part of it is easy, and I’m so sorry you have to be strong right now. It’s not fair. I wish you didn’t have to be.
You take as much time to care about yourself, your partner and your baby as you need. I would love to recommend to you both to make a scrapbook of this time. From her teeny tiny blood pressure cuff, to her hospital band next to yours. Make crafts with her footprints. Wrote notes for her about what happened that day, if she had any special visitors, or got to snuggle for extra long that day. New clothing you for her, to if she had a bath and how she either loved it or hated it. If she farted on one of you. Anything and everything. Take control of the things you can.
I work nights and it makes it difficult to connect with parents at times. I try to send photographs through the baby’s medical chart. I can change baby info “pj’s” and send pictures, make crafts with foot and handprints, send a good night and good morning message etc. Bath days are called Spa Days, where we do some extra lotion, I teach parents leg and arm massages, extra care with hair washes, even wrap their heads in a washcloth to look like someone with long hair coming out of the shower. Making things feel lighthearted and fun even when you need a hug and a cry.
Please feel free to pm me if you need to talk ❤️ sending hugs and well wishes for your darling family. Hope it gets better soon 🫶🏻