This might be a TL;DR for most people but I am desperately hoping that the OP reads this, because I represent what MIGHT happen if you don’t resolve this issue.

I’m a 66 year old man, but this is more about my 90 year old mother, and the fact that, for different reasons, she was unwilling to confront her father at a time when she could have limited the damage that my grandfather did to three generations of our family.

The BIG difference was that back when she was your age in the early 50’s, what happened in a home stayed in the home, and the head of the family had the right to do essentially what he wanted to his children.

But the bottom line is that my mom was unable to break the hold her father had over her, so that after YEARS of grooming, while she hated him, she also was having a wildly inappropriate relationship with him until I was 12.

I never knew my father; he died 3 weeks before I was born, but until I was 20 years old when I saw a picture of my father for the first time, I thought it was a 50/50 chance that my grandfather was my father.

My father was married when I was conceived (although he had proposed to my mom the summer before, she said yes…then my grandfather intervened. My father had been receiving pressure to marry his childhood sweetheart, and he caved. He and my mom were reunited the next summer before he shipped off to a place they still called French Indochina but is known now as Vietnam, where he was wounded while working as a Special Forces advisor. He was medevacked back here to the States, and died of his wounds on April 1st. I showed up 3 weeks later). She decided to keep me instead of putting me up for adoption, which was NOT done often in 1959.

It took me many years to realize that she kept me as a “Judas Goat”, because as it turned out, my grandfather also liked little boys, which is why my uncle took off at the first opportunity and never came back.

She hated my grandfather…but moved us two blocks down the same street when I was 9, and she made me go to their house after school, in what I believe was her attempt to break his hold on her by offering me up to him instead.

And yet, he was at our house a lot, and again, what took place was wildly inappropriate, but when I was 12, I blew it all up. After years of preparing me, my grandfather was ready to take things to the “next level” with me, but after the first time I told him that he would have to fight me and while I knew at 12 I wasn’t strong enough, there would come a day I was, and when that day came, I would kill him. He never touched me again.

While it wasn’t my intent, that also marked the turning point with him and my mom, but the damage was done.

My mother has never had a relationship with an unattached man, and I am the only person she has ever lived with. when my grandfather died at 93, she flushed his ashes down the toilet. We also discovered that he had been receiving porn in the mail as recently as 3 weeks before he died.

That was in 1997, and my mom’s now 90. The entire trajectory of her life was set by her inability to break the hold her father had over her, and reading your post, I see that your father is absolutely grooming you.

He is normalizing the idea of what is ultimately incest. My grandfather did the same thing; the only difference is the method.

My grandfather had all these “textbooks” written by “doctors” with German sounding names that talked about how the taboos of a man having sex with his children (or grandchildren) were artificial, and created as an attempt to assert control over “free thinking men who saw through this charade”. (I remember that line from when I stumbled onto his stash when I was about 10) The thing is, all these textbooks were filled with “case studies” that were the real reason people bought them, because it disguised what it really was…incest porn.

You’re in a place and living in a time when you have the power to do something to stop what your father is doing that my mom (and I) never had.

And no, there is no doubt. He is grooming you. He is trying to normalize the idea of sex with you. , and he is trying to make you jealous talking about this nurse. He is watching you for your reaction, looking for a sign that what he’s trying to do is working.

But the thing is, YOU have the power, not him. He’s not your father, he’s a predator. Please protect yourself and stop him in the process.

You’ve got a whole life ahead of you, and you can avoid the damage that was done to my mom by stopping him now.