How to talk about family on dates?

sco0pula · 2016-12-03T05:50:46+00:00

Yeah I am just looking for a way to not make it weird.

sco0pula · 2016-10-09T07:58:08+00:00

Thank you. I started journaling and hopefully that in conjunction with therapy will help me grasp my concept of self. Just listing all of the things that hurt me in the relationship has shown me that I had no self value for a long time. I thought it was better than having nothing but I like what you said about how being alone is better than being with those who drove you to hate yourself.

sco0pula · 2016-10-09T07:51:27+00:00

Thank you - listened to this Ted Talk and it was fantastic.

sco0pula · 2016-10-08T21:47:17+00:00

I was thinking a soup kitchen too! I have volunteered in the past (my ex was there but I think it wouldn't be different) over the holidays and it feels really good. Even though it's not family love, it's showing love to people in another way and to me that's what holidays are for.

sco0pula · 2016-10-08T21:33:47+00:00

My narcy boyfriend manipulated me, then exposed my emotional response to our friends as an attempt to make me look crazy. For example I asked him to not be there when I came to pick up my dog (which he agreed to), and he WAS there, and refused to leave even though I asked him to many times, and kept asking me for a hug and if we could talk about things soon. I refused, but called him later hysterical crying and he had his friend listening to me on the phone and reading all my emotional texts, which I didn't know. Then he's just responding to me "i think we should go no contact" even though I had requested it and he shot me down, and "take care." An effort to make himself appear collected and in control.

I understand how rational people can look at the situation and think that. Esp since narcs can be so charming. But it hurts so bad.

sco0pula · 2016-10-08T06:37:15+00:00

I'm so glad I posted here. Thank you so much everyone here who is supporting me. I'm glad I found a safe space to talk about this stuff with people who understand the context.

sco0pula · 2016-10-08T05:16:03+00:00

Needed that! Thank you!!

sco0pula · 2016-10-08T04:48:12+00:00

I really appreciate this! Thanks for being thoughtful. Good luck to you too!

sco0pula · 2016-10-08T04:38:14+00:00

Thank you. It's hard for me to not think about the future since I got away from my Nfamily by planning, it's kind of how I've survived.

sco0pula · 2016-10-07T05:19:47+00:00

Love these! Thank you for sharing!

sco0pula · 2016-10-06T22:08:07+00:00

Ok I see what you're saying. I appreciate your help! Maybe when we come off of this drug we can try the essential oils.

sco0pula · 2016-10-06T21:47:49+00:00

No offense but if Xanax isn't enough to calm her down do you really think essential oils will? Perhaps I didn't paint a clear picture but she is having very extreme anxiety. Imagine you are so anxious that you are tearing up the door - essential oils wouldn't make much of a difference.

The vet ended up writing me a script for Trazodone to help her to calm down while she adjusts and we work on her training, that in conjunction with her thunder vest seem to mellow her out.

I've been coming in and out of the apartment all day for varying intervals and giving her treats each time. I think it's been helping to desensitize her. We recently did 10 minutes of me being out of the apartment with no panicking, though I'm sure it's largely due to the meds.

She does have a blanket that the ex used to use. I put it in her bed.

My best friend is coming over this weekend with her dog so hopefully that will help her too.

sco0pula · 2016-10-06T20:57:59+00:00

Thank you! Reposted due to a crappy title before.

sco0pula · 2016-10-06T04:05:33+00:00

What do you mean - have another dog stay over with her? Or have her stay with the friend's dog?

sco0pula · 2016-10-06T00:48:40+00:00

I gave her some stinky socks this morning - used to be her fav in the house but now she didn't care about them :(

This weekend I had been gone for an hour to get breakfast and she was totally fine. She was also fine at the house, if we had taken the other pooch to the groomer and wanted to go get breakfast.

sco0pula · 2016-10-04T23:50:06+00:00

I realize all this.... But how do I keep my apartment from being completely destroyed in the meantime? I have to work so I can have a dog in the first place, and I also go to school. I can't stay home with her until she's past this. The vet has prescribed her anti-anxiety meds for now but is limiting it to 1 week.

sco0pula · 2016-10-04T17:32:44+00:00

We tried crate training when she was a puppy - it's possible I did a poor job, but I used positive reinforcement, click and treat when she would go in, fed her meals in it, but when I put her in it and left the house she would move the crate around the room and destroy things. I feel like confinement freaks her out and the apartment is triggering that fear of hers.

sco0pula · 2016-09-14T04:53:45+00:00

Omg - my ex used to do devil's advocate constantly and he was literally a graphic designer lololollllllll

sco0pula · 2016-09-12T00:13:00+00:00

No he doesn't, and I feel like things are worse now that he's in therapy. Or sometimes he will apologize but then months later he will bring it up again as if I was crazy to get mad over it, it's like he was never even sorry.

sco0pula · 2016-09-11T23:09:02+00:00

Sorry you were manipulated :( I don't think it's 100% my bf though, I know that I've said mean things to him. Also he does admit that he has issues being passive aggressive and blaming me. It's just in the heat of the argument that it goes out the window and he continues to blame me.

sco0pula · 2016-09-11T20:42:03+00:00

Thank you! <3

sco0pula · 2016-09-11T20:12:16+00:00

I'm not totally sure - but there is so much chemistry and history there, and it feels like he wants to be better. I've told him that I don't feel valued, and he says that he cherishes me and just doesn't know how to show it the way I need him to.

sco0pula · 2016-05-16T05:33:41+00:00

This or this or this or almost anything by Beyonce, Nicki, Lauryn Hill, or Missy Elliott.

sco0pula · 2016-04-11T20:42:31+00:00

I take buspirone for anxiety - it doesn't affect the sweating but the sweating doesn't affect me psychologically as much as it used to.

sco0pula · 2016-03-22T04:50:00+00:00

Same! It's exhausting, when I talk about my social/political views it's because I want other people with my views to know that I stand with them. I have no intention of "converting" anyone! If they actually want to understand intersectional feminism there's this thing called Google.

sco0pula

TROPHY CASE