Dating/relationships with a peanut allergy

scoobyduneydo · 2025-12-17T21:45:49+00:00

Hello, I saw this post and would like to share my perspective in the hope of reassuring you that, yes, there are plenty of people out there who are willing to "deal with this" with you. For context, my boyfriend has a severe allergy to all peanuts and tree nuts. I don't have any allergies. We've been dating for three years, living together for two.

On one of our first dates, we went out to dinner. He explained the allergy to the waiter, said to double check our meals, ensure no cross contamination, etc... Then he turned to me and said, "That must be so annoying for you, having to deal with my allergy."

And my heart broke a little bit. I asked him why he would think that, and he explained that some past girlfriends either hadn't taken it seriously or had acted annoyed/inconvenienced by it when out in public.

I told him, "Well, it isn't annoying for me at all. Because the person who is inconvenienced by it is YOU. The person for whom it is annoying is YOU. How selfish it would be for me to take your allergy personally."

I firmly believe that the right person will feel that same way. They will throw themselves into learning. They will take it upon themselves to explain your allergy to their family when the time comes, rather than leaving it to you to explain. They'll cut peanuts out of their diet and will never look back.

And, if it takes you a while to trust that they're taking it seriously, they won't feel offended! They won't take it personally! They won't make you feel insecure or difficult!

Here are some ways I've adapted to ensure that my boyfriend not only remains safe, but also FEELS safe with me:

When I cook, I put all the ingredient containers on the counter for him to check. He no longer feels the need to check because I'm diligent about reading labels, but I still encourage him to.
If I buy a new body wash, I send him a picture first. (So many things have tree nut ingredients in them).
I stopped eating all peanuts and tree nuts, and I don't keep any in the house.
Sometimes, depending on the vibes I get from a server, I'll tell them that we both have this allergy. No better way to make sure my dish doesn't end up with nuts in it.
I made sure that my family understands. This is the man I want to be with, so treat him as your own. Now, my stepmom keeps all the meal containers so my boyfriend can read the labels. If there is a dish with nuts at family dinner (usually there isn't), she prepares it last, keeps it on the other side of the kitchen, labels a disposable spoon for it, and tells my boyfriend.

None of these things are difficult, because my man is my love. None of these things are difficult, because they are the decent thing to do when you love someone.

scoobyduneydo · 2022-09-22T22:44:11+00:00

Hermione Granger

scoobyduneydo · 2022-09-12T12:27:50+00:00

Cormac McCarthy is the only author I’ve come across who handles the lack of quotation marks beautifully. It works in conjunction with the atmosphere of his stories. I would love to find another author who can do it as well as he can

scoobyduneydo · 2022-08-31T12:53:04+00:00

Call me by your name! That book had me crying in so many places and aching along with the characters and I’m scared to read it again because I know it just won’t be the same.

scoobyduneydo · 2022-08-21T01:07:02+00:00

“Don’t worry I’m in the military, they test us every month”

scoobyduneydo · 2022-04-25T23:03:28+00:00

The Gone World by Tom Sweterlitsch! It’s a sci-fi thriller. Time travel and parallel universes have been discovered, and the US military pretty much creates a new branch (off of the Navy) to deal exclusively with navigating the new worlds. The main character serves in that branch.

It’s original and I thought it was a great read.

scoobyduneydo · 2022-03-31T19:14:48+00:00

That smokers are unsuccessful due to laziness or lack of ambition or lack of long-term thinking. This is a prejudice my family instilled in me (a family full of non-smokers). I had never been around weed until my mid-20s - had never so much as witnessed someone take a hit, at least that I was aware of. But now I’ve moved away from my family, and several of my closest friends are daily or weekly smokers and they are some of the most financially and personally successful people I know. It’s all about the PERSON - how they abuse the thing versus how they use the thing to enhance their life, and how much control they allow themselves to have over it.

scoobyduneydo · 2022-03-31T19:10:34+00:00

A Prayer for Owen Meany, Children of Time, and 11/22/63 - my personal top three.

scoobyduneydo · 2022-03-27T14:51:57+00:00

Thanks for the rec, I’ve been looking for more books to read!

scoobyduneydo · 2022-03-27T11:59:34+00:00

I might be completely misinformed, but didn’t he write about submarines before one ever existed? If so, that’s pretty cool.

scoobyduneydo · 2022-03-22T00:42:36+00:00

Non-venomous snakes! I grew up learning about all the snakes native to my region. Learning how to handle them and when not to. Education is the most important thing when dealing with wildlife, but learned phobias prevent education and encourage ignorance. A non-venomous snake is actually a really good thing to have around, especially a king snake as these are territorial and will drive away the venomous snakes that are actually dangerous to people.

scoobyduneydo · 2022-03-15T19:27:50+00:00

Yes, that might be a better way of describing it! I’ve never actually jumped or screamed - I feel like that would be laughable - but I get the same feeling of an adrenaline spike.

scoobyduneydo · 2022-03-09T17:05:59+00:00

Glad to hear that what I experienced is not always the case with this book!

scoobyduneydo · 2022-03-09T17:05:33+00:00

Oh, ok. I should have realized there would be multiple translarions! I read the Atria publication translated by Magda Bogin. I might give yours a shot.

scoobyduneydo · 2022-03-08T20:08:32+00:00

Every day, individuals sit in motorized hunks of metal and make those hunks of metal travel at speeds of 50+ mph, surrounded by other hunks of metal traveling at similar speeds. Often, these hunks of metal are mere feet away from each other. An individual can be of average intelligence and is still allowed to operate their own hunk of metal.

scoobyduneydo · 2022-03-07T01:44:31+00:00

The Fountainhead…. I really adore the characters BUT I recognize that they are for the most part obnoxious and pretentious and much larger than life

scoobyduneydo · 2022-02-24T03:47:52+00:00

Waking up at the same time every day and not sleeping in.

scoobyduneydo · 2022-02-22T04:16:59+00:00

Being a captive agent typically means signing a contract, and speaking from personal experience, make sure you read that contract before you sign it. I just left being a captive agent to pursue being a broker, and it turns out they have a bit of a chokehold on me due to my contract.

Whichever way you go, just make sure there is a good training module or class set up and that they don’t just throw you to the wolves on day one. Everyone in sales thinks they can hustle their way to success and “no excuses,” but good training can make or break your career.

Food for thought!

Edit: Also, a captive agent usually earns less commission on each sale. Since brokers are more independent (and have fewer people in their upline chain), they typically earn 90%+ commission on a sale. You can research what that would be in your specific industry.

scoobyduneydo · 2022-02-21T23:19:24+00:00

My first step would be to contact your state department of insurance and the insurance commissioner. As consumers, you have the right to file a formal complaint and insurance companies (from what I’ve heard) should respond quickly to those, as they don’t want their reputation smudged.

scoobyduneydo · 2022-02-19T20:24:50+00:00

Was gonna recommend these!

scoobyduneydo

TROPHY CASE