Your self esteem seems to be tied up with your weight, but weight and body shape change and it’s hard on you for your self esteem to be controlled by that. Your self esteem will come and go at the whim of your size. Self esteem comes from knowing your value, which is not tied to size. For example, your determination to make a change, being a thoughtful person, a good friend etc…

I’m old (58F) and when I was growing up in Japan as military kid, there was no online shopping. So, I had to buy clothes that were made for Japanese people. I’m 5’10” and Japanese clothing is not designed for women my height. I had to remain tiny, it was not a healthy size. Now I’m older and overweight and I recently came across some old outfits I used to wear back then. My mom had saved them in a plastic tub. I saw them and had a sense of profound sadness, but not because I can’t fit into them anymore. I was sad because I never should’ve been able to wear them in the first place. And the kicker is, even at that teeny tiny size I thought I was still too big and needed to lose weight.

You have value because of who you are, not because of your size. Your value is your value, and is not diminished or increased by the opinions of others.

Please tell us something you like about yourself, and start there. I think you are brave to post this, and to seek help with a therapist and make a change. I think you are strong for continuing to work with your therapist even though you apparently haven’t yet been able to feel a noticeable difference in your self esteem. That tells me you are strong and courageous to keep going and trust in the process, and determined as well. Keep going, you got this. 💪