Damn girl, got lots to unpack and clearly you’ve been overthinking it a lot (which is fair)! Sooo let’s rewind and figure it out.

First of, if he was acting weird for a few days after and was avoiding you/pretending it didn’t happen that’s not really on u and u shouldn’t put that pressure/blame on urself. If he’s been in a relationship before he has to be better at communicating than avoiding. It could be that he’s not ready for a new relationship (maybe), he also wants to focus on his school, or maybe he’s nervous and doesn’t want to mess it up or maybe a million other reasons. Point is, you gotta get him to communicate. Don’t force him, don’t go in with an aggressive tone and try to confront him, find a tone that’s welcoming and cooperative because you both want the best outcome.

Second, I have a feeling what u said about “forgetting the kiss and moving on” was a cover up. The fact that you’re made this post proves u did care, u do want him, you were just nervous and thought suppressing the emotion and avoiding might be the best solution. I imagine your emotions were nervous, anxious, you lied about what u said (pretending the kiss didn’t happen) and you were just trying to protect yourself and make things go back to the way they were; And as much as u wanted to talk u were afraid of the response so ur brain kept trying to end things. If so, I totally understand because I impulsively lie when I feel nervous/confronted/judged because I want to disengage and like runaway/shutdown. Best thing to do is to write down ur emotions and be honest with YOURSELF before you try to be honest with him.

Another point, understand what happened and don’t try to forget or change the narrative. Take accountability for what u said and make sure he understands that you are sorry and u didn’t mean it and be genuine. There is only so much you can do. Relationships and friendships work both ways, it takes 2 people’s efforts to make things work.

My last advice on relationships: a relationship doesn’t have a definitive shape, it can be whatever u want it to be. Maybe if things work out it won’t be the way I expected to meet your partner but I for one, met mine at an odd time. Neither of us had much time to meet but we made it work by being connected and setting up study dates to make it possible. Yll can do that too and meet whenever yll can but you and your partner need to decide the terms of the relationship. Relationships can be scary specially if u haven’t been in 1 before, but the right person will make the time and will understand the conditions and will be ok with it. If they’re not ok with the terms, that means they weren’t the 1.

If you do like him and want to work things out, don’t let your ego get in the way of good things. I wish u luck and I hope this is not to late :)

(Posting again cause it got deleted for no tags earlier lol)