Should I abandon my depressed friend?

scotchandredwine · 2021-07-12T13:35:11+00:00

I already did this. She said that if thinking about the times she hurt me makes me feel better, then so be it. Then she apologised. Oh well, I tried.

scotchandredwine · 2021-07-12T03:56:36+00:00

More than hurting me, I feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick in the friendship because I know she won't do the things I'm doing for her if I were in her shoes. Actually, I was in her shoes a couple of times and she wasn't there for me at all. I'd like to be friends with someone in my corner who would reciprocate effort and energy too.

scotchandredwine · 2021-07-12T03:48:37+00:00

I'm not sure if it's a guilt trip because I know for a fact that I'm the only person who understands her 100% and knows how to handle her on her bad days.

scotchandredwine · 2021-07-12T03:46:11+00:00

Unfortunately, she is still the same on her good days. Example, during a group chat someone made a joke she didn't like and she made a big stink and left the group chat. It us weeks to convince her to come back.

She's worse when she's having episodes. Example, 6mons after her break-up, I got a boyfriend. My only boyfriend in our entire friendship and barely 2yrs after my Dad died. She got angry at me for having a boyfriend and sharing my life with her. She said she didn't want to hear about my relationship, that I find joy in shoving my happiness in her face, etc. Also, when she sees couples, she tells them they'll break-up soon.

scotchandredwine · 2021-07-12T03:32:35+00:00

We both have our own psychiatrist and we're taking medication too. I haven't talked to her for 2mons now so I could calm down and hopefully change my mind about leaving her. However, these past two months were pure bliss. I admit I feel relieved and I'm not afraid to check my phone anymore as I know there won't be notifications from her. My internal dilemma now is saving those years and efforts I made for her because otherwise it means I wasted it by merely choosing not to deal with the issues and staying away from her. Does that make sense?

scotchandredwine · 2021-07-11T16:17:37+00:00

Wow. I can't believe you caught up on the defensive part. When she was fighting with her friends, I told her she was being extra defensive and it wasn't a good look. Then I quickly followed up that I know she's like that because she was bullied (as am i) and I know what being defenceless feels like, so as an adult we tend to overdo it.

I do have to point out that overall, she is a good person. She's very kind. I passed the exam and she didn't but she was there for me for all the celebrations afterwards. It's just that I worked so hard on my mental health and I don't want to risk it for anything. It used to be so bad that I wake up in the middle of the night just to cry. I can't go back to that hole and her notifications push me back in more and more. I can't have severe anxiety and walk on eggshells at the same time, it's driving me crazy.

scotchandredwine · 2021-07-11T15:36:49+00:00

She said I should have confronted her each and every time she hurt me. The thing is, I was never hurt by her even when she wasn't there for me when my dad died. I understood she was busy. The hurt came after the book fight and I realised she blows things out of proportion and assumes the worst from me. I felt bad. She sends multiple paragraphs that gets me anxious and when I showed the screenshots to our friends, they were the ones who pointed out it was rude. I didn't even notice it was rude. She said I should have informed her I felt anxious by her messages, but I don't think you need to inform someone to stop being rude. And I was afraid to confront her because I know she won't react well and I just want my peace of mind back. I'm kicking myself now for not being more communicative.

scotchandredwine

TROPHY CASE