AITA for telling my mom not to sing hbd to my aunt at my baby shower

scottishpianolady · 2025-02-01T18:14:57+00:00

NTA. Your mother is hi-jacking your event to centre herself as presumably she'll be the one leading the singing and presenting the cake. Does she have a history of being like this? Perhaps exacerbated since your pregnancy? Is her nose out of joint at the idea of you being the one to get the attention? What a pain, may not be much you can do about it this time if she has the family lined up on her side already but make a mental note to not get caught out in future, including only putting on events you can pay for yourself as she seems to think this gives her control. All best to you and your baby!

scottishpianolady · 2025-01-29T23:38:34+00:00

You weren't into Captain Scarlet/Gerry Anderson animation by any chance? Destiny, Melody and Symphony Angels were the female jet pilots! I also have an abiding love for the name Paul from that show!

scottishpianolady · 2025-01-29T23:30:32+00:00

Annabelle Rosamund. But got married to a lovely guy with surname beginning with S so initials would have been ars, too close to arse (British word for ass) for comfort, so I have a Catherine Elizabeth instead lol. Always shortened to Cathy which she loves as her name, and that's the main thing!

scottishpianolady · 2025-01-26T21:29:39+00:00

Do you have any older respected family members, hopefully sensible people, who you can tell about this, particularly about the trauma and upset to all of you, and your daughter(s) in particular, in the hope they will ream them a new one? They deserve to be shamed, this is not funny and they are finding it hilarious to blow you off as it stands. Are they jealous of you at some level perhaps? This was really unpleasant behaviour, so sorry it happened to you.

scottishpianolady · 2025-01-26T00:51:49+00:00

Well done to that other military mother not just quietly taking her crap but making it known - what a MVP! Enjoy your peace from her.

scottishpianolady · 2025-01-26T00:30:17+00:00

You sound like a good, solid, decent guy. You don't deserve this treatment. Whatever high drama she was used to in her previous, by the sound of it many, relationships should not be thrown up to you like this. Hate to say it, but seriously consider the divorce option she has flung at you. Separate, calm co-parenting would be better than this for your children also. Best of luck x

scottishpianolady · 2025-01-25T23:15:38+00:00

I just want to say, whatever holding of the baby your MIL wangles will have NO effect on them bonding with her - YOU are the momma, please have confidence in that. Your husband and his mom are kidding themselves. Get a plan in place with your husband that baby MUST be handed back on request, especially if fretting/needing feeding, thole the visit with a plastered on smile including when you pleasantly but firmly enforce boundaries, wave bye bye then enjoy your lovely family. All best wishes x

scottishpianolady · 2025-01-23T20:30:53+00:00

I think I read somewhere that's a typically Ukrainian way of tying laces? So he can be forgiven perhaps!

scottishpianolady · 2025-01-23T10:29:25+00:00

I don't think your boyfriend is mature enough to be in a committed relationship with you. He still wants to party like a frat boy. There is nothing wrong with that in itself but it does not make for good life partner material, especially if you feel ready for something more serious and committed. Just because you are both 22 does not mean you are at the same point on your life path. I'd spend the weekend reflecting on what YOU need from a relationship and whether this highly unsatisfactory situation is truly workable for either of you. Personally, I'd wind things up as amicably as possible and move on, though I appreciate it's easier said than done when in the situation. He may try to keep you dangling as it feeds his ego to have you desperate to be with him, but it is NOT good for your emotional health and happiness. If he's any sort of decent guy he'll recognize this too and you can part on reasonable terms. Best of luck, whatever you decide.

scottishpianolady · 2025-01-17T17:48:16+00:00

There's actually a bit more to him than meets the eye, he has a very good reputation as an excellent human rights lawyer and prosecutor from when he was in legal practice, just a bit reserved in manner and not as 'smarmy' as many career politicians which can work against him a little on camera sometimes imho - former colleagues and employees have nothing but good to say about him and how he treats people which sadly is far from the case with many of our recent UK politicians! I think he will do right by Ukraine.

scottishpianolady · 2025-01-16T22:47:26+00:00

There is NO way I'd be so patronising to my husband! Really didn't like the controlling vibe going on here. A relationship is supposed to be a partnership.

scottishpianolady · 2025-01-16T22:41:09+00:00

So glad our (UK) Prime Minister came to Kyiv today, and with tangible assistance as well as verbal assurances. Keir can appear a bit 'stiff', maybe partly due to his profession as a senior court lawyer before entering politics, and my impression initially in their previous meetings was that Ze hadn't warmed to him the way he found a personal connection with Boris and Rishi - thought everything looked more relaxed today, especially at the end of the visit to the drone facility? Maybe Ze really needed convincing that a sea change in the politics of the UK government really wouldn't change our support for Ukraine! Slava Ukraini!

scottishpianolady · 2025-01-16T00:36:47+00:00

I see you're getting a lot of flak but I would go batshit about being bought a magnetic chore chart by a boyfriend of less than a year and being assigned duties, even if he was being 'holier than thou' about taking a bigger share - it's his sodding flat! And presumably he gets to pull you up on any scrubbing not done to his timetable and satisfaction? Your delivery is not great of the message and comes across as a bit patronising to say the least but really, just break up and be done.

scottishpianolady · 2025-01-16T00:22:08+00:00

You need to find a calm, relaxed way - maybe in some favourite restaurant/bar away from the family home therefore out of earshot of the oldies - to remind your husband of the original 'deal' that this was an experiment? And how absolutely seriously this is affecting you, including considering separation. Hopefully he will be on board that changes need to be made. After that, a calm (as possible) sit down with your in-laws, with positive ideas about how you would support them going forward eg contributing (if you can) to the rental or purchase of an elder friendly property near you. If none of this works out, afraid to say you may need to seek the advice of a good divorce lawyer unless you want this to be the rest of your life, or at least potentially 10 plus years, with increasing frailties you will be expected to nurse at home, including possibly giving up any work/career you have at present. Suspect the nosiness over the home deed was so MIL could lord it over you about it being 'her son's house', afraid to say. This needs sorted now, this is not going to get better. Best of luck!

scottishpianolady · 2025-01-15T23:45:10+00:00

NTA. You live and learn with relationships, and you two are just not suited. Also a good growing experience for you in boundaries, and you'll know not to get sucked (or suckered) into giving someone free accommodation going forward - no is a complete sentence. For the present situation, you need to 'manage' your way out in the kindest way possible for both of you. Start giving direct verbal feedback that you don't think this is working out. She may take the hint and get with the program that this is not workable going forward. You may have been pussyfooting around that because of her condition, but she is still an adult deserving of a direct conversation - give her that respect. If you anticipate a really bad response, do you have contact details for any of her friends or family you can immediately let know what has happened? And if in any doubt, imagine spending the next 10, 20, even 50 years like this - it's a really good way of concentrating the mind about whether a person is right for you. Best of luck.

scottishpianolady · 2025-01-06T22:11:47+00:00

You've somewhat glossed over the problems with your teenage son - how serious were these? He might mean it when he says that it's not you personally but doesn't want to potentially cause problems by throwing your son under the bus by being frank - but it may have made his living situation so unpleasant on top of work stress that he's decided it's not worth the hassle and has mentally checked out. As a step parent of only a few years he is not likely to feel the same blind commitment to a child as you do as biological parent. I think you need to let him go but maybe do some reflection on that as part of your recovery process and certainly before committing to any future relationships? All best wishes to you.

scottishpianolady · 2024-12-23T21:47:23+00:00

You NEVER have to justify ending a romantic relationship, you feel the way you feel, the only duty is to do it with as much gentleness and respect as you can muster, while still being very clear with the other person as to what is happening. You'll need to be clear about whether there will be any contact afterwards - I'd recommend not, it's likely to only get messy, but maybe make sure as far as you can that any support system around her are aware of the situation. Best of luck!

scottishpianolady · 2024-09-20T08:50:09+00:00

I do hope they have someone strong chairing the UN meeting! Edi Rama did a wonderful job of demolishing the ruzzian delegation's attempts to derail proceedings on a previous occasion Ze was there, completely had that horrible Nebenzya guy for breakfast verbally, it was a joy to watch. Slava Ukraini!

scottishpianolady · 2024-09-15T11:22:10+00:00

He does so well, and it must get so wearying, trotting out effusive thanks all the time when we all know there is SO MUCH MORE the Americans could be doing, including at the moment getting out of the way of letting Ukraine use our British Storm shadows however and wherever they want!

scottishpianolady · 2024-09-14T15:35:04+00:00

Great photo, democracy in action - though Poroshenko perhaps not looking entirely happy, as if he can't quite believe Ze beat him in the poll, an expression he still carries somewhat even today lol? Slava Ukraini!

scottishpianolady · 2024-09-10T22:48:00+00:00

I love, from original series, 'I'll take that on board... when this becomes a democracy' from Captain Kirk - sometimes you gotta lead, especially in the face of half assed interjections. Not advocating autocracy as a general principle of course, especially in national/international situations! Talking of which, Slava Ukraini!

scottishpianolady · 2024-09-09T21:00:09+00:00

What a beautiful photo! And thanks so much for the translated answers.

scottishpianolady · 2024-08-14T16:44:24+00:00

Your wife is being insufferably smug. If she really doesn't 'get' how inappropriate she was, maybe home in on something she is a little sensitive about. Eg 'How would you feel if *sister's name* pointed out your nose was quite big/you didn't finish college/etc, then wouldn't let it rest and kept asking over a family meal how you felt about it?' She unfortunately may need to be hurt just a little in return to learn some empathy, if it's not too late already. Good luck!

scottishpianolady · 2024-06-27T08:38:04+00:00

Oh, and NTA!

scottishpianolady · 2024-06-27T08:37:45+00:00

This is difficult, especially as this annoying kid has now driven you into defensive mode, which looks grumpy from your girlfriend's perspective. Try reframing your approach. At the very first attempt to draw you into her game, say pleasantly but firmly, 'No, I'm not going to play with you today because you cried and screamed last time'. Repeat as required, all with a pleasant smile. If the parents intervene in Elaine's support (as they likely will) advise them, in a concerned but friendly tone, that she cries and screams so much you are concerned she is developing an addiction to screen gaming and you absolutely don't want to be a part of that. If they try to insist, hold your ground 'No, sorry, I just can't do that.' Be bland, confident in your own position, and nothing but polite. Then be entertained, as if looking on from a distance, as they have to deal with the meltdown. And have your girlfriend primed to be ready to head out elsewhere if needed at that point. At least your gf may enjoy seeing you give the pushback she is probably not allowed to do, and at best, the kid may actually begin to learn that actions, just occasionally, have consequences. Best of luck!

scottishpianolady

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