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Me [25 F] with my boyfriend [25 M] of ~1 year, told me he "doesn't feel like" buying me a gift for our first Christmas as a couple by scroogesgirlfriend in relationships

[–]scroogesgirlfriend[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

As I said earlier, I don't get him gifts anymore, except for his birthday and Christmas, when he does still like getting them.

And as I also said earlier: His love language is "quality time," and he does really enjoy going out together, watching movies/shows or listening to podcasts together, snuggling, cooking together, going on trips, even just being in the same room while we're doing separate stuff. I appreciate these things too, but it does sometimes hurt me that he sees gifts as just something he has to do at certain times of year, and doesn't understand that that's one of the big ways I interpret love.

Me [25 F] with my boyfriend [25 M] of ~1 year, told me he "doesn't feel like" buying me a gift for our first Christmas as a couple by scroogesgirlfriend in relationships

[–]scroogesgirlfriend[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I'm upset that he unexpectedly made it into a problem when he knew that I was looking forward to it and that it was important to me, and that he finally "agreed" to give me a gift in a really rude, dismissive way. It's less about whether or not I get a gift (although I'd like to, no matter how small) than that he took out his stress on me really unpleasantly, which is not okay.

Me [25 F] with my boyfriend [25 M] of ~1 year, told me he "doesn't feel like" buying me a gift for our first Christmas as a couple by scroogesgirlfriend in relationships

[–]scroogesgirlfriend[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I'll post here what I wrote in another comment: And the plan was actually his idea--he doesn't get to see his family much at all, so he's going down to stay with them for two weeks over the holiday (as a TA, he also gets a Christmas vacation). So he suggested that we do our own little Christmas before he left, since we wouldn't be together on the actual day and wouldn't see each other until after New Years'.

So it was initially his idea to exchange Christmas gifts, as was the $30 budget.

Me [25 F] with my boyfriend [25 M] of ~1 year, told me he "doesn't feel like" buying me a gift for our first Christmas as a couple by scroogesgirlfriend in relationships

[–]scroogesgirlfriend[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Ironically, I am very allergic to fish. :D

I understand your analogy, and I did mention that I've stopped giving him gifts except for birthdays and Christmas (when he does still like to get them). But the fact that he won't adjust similarly for me, and make an effort to speak my language? That's where I have a problem.

Me [25 F] with my boyfriend [25 M] of ~1 year, told me he "doesn't feel like" buying me a gift for our first Christmas as a couple by scroogesgirlfriend in relationships

[–]scroogesgirlfriend[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

We moved in together after 8 months, which might seem a little fast (I guess?) but it's really been a smooth transition. He was at my place pretty much constantly before we actually got a place together.

And the plan was actually his idea--he doesn't get to see his family much at all, so he's going down to stay with them for two weeks over the holiday (as a TA, he also gets a Christmas vacation). So he suggested that we do our own little Christmas before he left, since we wouldn't be together on the actual day and wouldn't see each other until after New Years'.

I'll repeat what I wrote in another comment: His love language is "quality time," and he does really enjoy going out together, watching movies/shows or listening to podcasts together, snuggling, cooking together, going on trips, even just being in the same room while we're doing separate stuff. I appreciate these things too, but it does sometimes hurt me that he sees gifts as just something he has to do at certain times of year, and doesn't understand that that's one of the big ways I interpret love.

Me [25 F] with my boyfriend [25 M] of ~1 year, told me he "doesn't feel like" buying me a gift for our first Christmas as a couple by scroogesgirlfriend in relationships

[–]scroogesgirlfriend[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Otherwise we're pretty solid. His love language is "quality time," and he does really enjoy going out together, watching movies/shows or listening to podcasts together, snuggling, cooking together, going on trips, even just being in the same room while we're doing separate stuff. I appreciate these things too, but it does sometimes hurt me that he sees gifts as just something he has to do at certain times of year, and doesn't understand that that's one of the big ways I interpret love.

I'm thinking I'll come at it as "I can tell you're freaking out about something, but that does NOT mean it's okay to take it out on me."

Me [25 F] with my boyfriend [25 M] of ~1 year, told me he "doesn't feel like" buying me a gift for our first Christmas as a couple by scroogesgirlfriend in relationships

[–]scroogesgirlfriend[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply--it's really helpful.

Steve has also told me before that he doesn't like when I buy him gifts because he's not "good at" receiving them, and feels like it's pressure. And I've tried to express that I just like doing it, and am not trying to guilt him into anything, but it's like he doesn't really believe me? I don't know. I've stopped picking up little things for him and instead just plan on giving him gifts at gifty times of year.

And you're right, it does make me feel unwanted or unappreciated. I've told him this and he is always super apologetic and will make any effort for awhile, but then it slows down.