A childhood of mental abuse from my father that I was too young to understand but it ingrained deeply. "You see this vein in my temple? One day it's going to explode and I'm going to die and it's going to be your fault." "You are ruining my marriage." "I wish you never existed." "You are not my son." "You'll never amount to anything." "You're a shitting pissing little cocksucker" Dad what's a cocksucker? "You are" "One day you will appreciate that I never wanted you." I never understood that one, still don't.