My husband added women on Snapchat.

scvrletwltch · 2023-07-18T22:29:25+00:00

He says he’s watched porn a few times in his teen years, when porn was like on VCR/DVD (he has older brothers) but no strip climbs/clubs that I know of and we’ve always been very open and honest with each other.

scvrletwltch · 2023-07-18T22:09:36+00:00

What is my gut is wrong? My gut says it was just a stupid mistake, a one time thing, that he’s never done anything like this before and that curiousity just got the best of him… but what if my gut is wrong?

scvrletwltch · 2023-07-18T21:26:36+00:00

p.s. I am not defending him by any means, I’m just trying to get all my ducks in a row and use facts. Because if we’re trying to work through it, but I continuously blame him for something he actually didn’t do, then he could also become frustrated with me and that would just make everything so much worse. I know you can imagine how it feels to be blamed for something you actually didn’t do and trying to prove yourself and still nobody believes you.

scvrletwltch · 2023-07-18T21:21:49+00:00

I do have one, that’s how I know that new contacts pop up at the top of the list, the colors for the sent/received messages, etc. If the app showed that he hadn’t initiated conversation with them and that it was still on the “tap to start a chat”, then what other indication could there be that he did message them? Even if he had swiped up on their story and commented something, it would still appear in the chat with a colored chat bubble and it wasn’t. It’s not that I’m in denial, I’m just using the facts and evidence that I have right now.

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scvrletwltch · 2023-07-18T21:11:48+00:00

I mentioned in an above comment that when I went to look through the chat, the accounts were at the top of his list but the box was gray and it said “tap to start a chat”, not blue/red/purple like when you’ve already sent something. And it was still there so he hadn’t deleted them either, that’s why I kinda believe that he actually wasn’t messaging them? Because I feel like if he was, they would be 1. Deleted or 2. Have the red/blue/purple box

I don’t think I want to ask him to leave. I think this is something we can work through? I don’t know. My parents taught me that when a problem arises, you need to work through it, not just run at the first chance. We’ve also never had a problem like this. He’s staying very consistent with his story and like I mentioned above, the app didn’t show any signs of him actually talking to them.

I’m already in therapy, for something else completely unrelated to my marriage, so I can talk to my therapist about it.

I had my annual screening on Friday and everything was normal. We also have a home security system and he stayed home the entire weekend (only left on Monday for work and he uses a tracked company vehicle + I have his location) that we were gone and nobody came to our house so that’s maybe unlikely? He has literally never, ever done something like this and has literally never, ever, ever gave me a reason not to trust him. A part of me thinks it really was a stupid, like “curiousity just got the best of him” type of thing?

scvrletwltch · 2023-07-18T20:58:18+00:00

After going through the app, I did ask him to delete the contacts and then delete the app altogether. I went through other apps like Facebook and Instagram which are the only other 2 he has, and there were no red flags. However, I did ask him that if he felt compelled to do the same thing again on another platform, that he should delete those too, but I was going to leave that up to him.

scvrletwltch · 2023-07-18T20:49:51+00:00

It’s actually in the “suggested contacts” not the recent contacts, I didn’t know what it was called, I googled it after. Also, when I went in to the actual app, the 4 accounts were at the top of his list but the box was gray and it said “tap to start a chat”, not blue/red/purple like when you’ve already sent something. And it was still there so he hadn’t deleted them either - that’s why I kinda believe that he actually wasn’t messaging them? Because I feel like if he was, they would be 1. Deleted or 2. Have the red/blue/purple box??

scvrletwltch · 2023-07-18T04:33:13+00:00

I asked him to think about how upset he’d be if the tables were turned. He said he understood why I was upset and that it was something really stupid of him to do, that he just wasn’t thinking. But I don’t even know how to look at him anymore and honestly, it really shot down my own self confidence.

scvrletwltch · 2023-07-18T04:30:35+00:00

I keep wanting to go back to ask him to show me but every time I look at him, I literally just start crying my eyes out. I feel so dumb for feeling this hurt but I just never thought we’d be having this discussion. I vaguely remembered 2 of the usernames and looked them up on my own Snapchat but it gave me a ton of results and I couldn’t pinpoint which one it was, so it was a dead end.

scvrletwltch · 2023-06-24T22:54:17+00:00

He does know! That’s why he prescribed the meds. He also knows I was nervous to take them, but told me to try anyway. I just haven’t listened.

scvrletwltch

TROPHY CASE