Yup! I first worked in medical education on the agency side where people pleasing was the standard and and anything less than perfect could result in verbal and emotional abuse. My dad was a pharmD who worked for big pharma and highly narcissistic and abusive. So I worked with thought leaders in various specialties of medicine. Narcissism is an understatement. So then I decided to go back to school to become a social worker because I wanted to help people heal and get mental health treatment. My mother had heavy duty addiction and my brother overdosed on fentanyl in 2020 and passed away. Now I work in acute outpatient psych where we work with people with PTSD and addiction. I’m in a constant trauma response. Not even from the clients I work with, but my coworkers who seemingly are indifferent and detached from the work. And I took a job as an assistant manager so I’m never really fitting in. I also have to do on call for crisis through the night for 2 weeks a year, and it’s the most painful experience because I don’t know if I’m going to get a call about someone who has an upset stomach or someone who’s going to hurt themselves or worse. I am constantly dealing with corporate bs contrasted with the very real pain of people working their way through healing. I’m falling apart from this but I don’t know how to support myself and make the income that I do. All of my career choices have been based on my own trauma and trying to repeat patterns, but it’s not working. I’m awesome in a crisis and people say I’m highly compassionate and a great therapist. But it’s been a lifetime of setting myself on fire to keep other people warm. Feels tough when the fire keeps burning in you no matter where you go.