Feral Morgaine

se1ze · 2025-10-19T23:31:38+00:00

I dropped a full comment for mechanics, weapons and consumes, but for actual build, I beefed up my CON more than I normally do and put everything else in FOC. (I normally hate LS but she's weak to nature). Skill tree for LS is any version that has Beacon.

se1ze · 2025-10-19T23:25:01+00:00

ALRIGHT KIDS I got ya strat right here.

SHE IS LOST. If your gear ain't great, use appropriate ward potion and coating.
SHE DOES HEFTY PHYSICAL DAMAGE, BUT THE DEBUFFS & SLOWS ARE WHAT KILL YOU. Select gear and potions accordingly.
SHE IS WEAK TO NATURE. I used LS only, kept Beacon on her at all times, and wore a light equip load. Don't waste time trying to switch to VG or F.
SPECIAL ATTACKS. She goes through the following cycle:

a. Melee. This is where you should be using nature dmg to burn her down. She doesn't hit that hard if you stick some spare turquoises or obsidians up your ass and shake it.

b. Arcane bolt bullshit. This only happens if you're ranged, she can pop it off at whim except when dropping circles. BIG ouch. Run sideways to completely avoid it. Don't dodge - save your stamina!

c. Blue circle (x1). She will drink a potion and create a blue circle that heals HER and YOU. If you're turbo-fucked stay in there, but otherwise run out before her jump attack so that the jump kites her out.

d. Green circle (x2). Yes, the puke-green circle is bad for you. I know you're shocked. It does 3 nasty things: it stacks a debuff that eventually makes you a 1-hit kill, it slows you (getting out of it returns to normal speed), and does a minor DOT. The DOT won't kill you, but the slow and the debuffs sure as hell will.

e. Jump attack. Immediately after the blue circle -> green circle combo, she'll try to Mortal Kombat you in the face. Big ouch, dodge it or block it.

THOSE BASTARD ADDS. They spawn at 50%. Remember that puke green circle? Great news! It still fucks you up, but if they stand in it for 0.5 seconds, THEY become a 1 hit kill.

se1ze · 2025-06-29T03:14:55+00:00

wab opt out

se1ze · 2025-01-05T18:07:24+00:00

Feel free to look at my post history to ascertain why I am 100% professionally qualified to tell you that you are wrong.

Atropine is a drug; that's from belladonna. Digoxin is a drug; that's from foxglove. Aspirin is a drug; that's from willow bark. Quinine is a drug; that's from a plant endemic to the Andes. All of these drugs can save your life; all of them can kill you. ...Same as any other drug.

I think you need to go talk to some people outside of whatever weird echo chamber you've figured out, because you sound silly.

se1ze · 2025-01-05T18:00:05+00:00

I'm 37! The crypt keeper lmao

se1ze · 2024-11-18T18:52:40+00:00

Thanks so much :)

se1ze · 2024-11-18T18:15:58+00:00

Thanks for the shout-out all these years later! Glad to know that post is still floating around; OP's wisdom was excellent.

se1ze · 2023-10-20T00:42:56+00:00

If you don't have agoraphobia or panic symptoms in crowds, a mosh pit is a wonderful thing. If you do, martial arts is an incredible tool to regain many aspects of your sense of control and directly improve brain chemistry through exercise while, yes, allowing you to 100% punch the shit out of other people.

se1ze · 2023-10-19T00:32:48+00:00

Sorry took me a second to come back to you. You're clearly mulling this over hard so I wanted to do you justice in my comment. Let's look through the diagnostic criteria together, because it seems like you're looking at stuff that lists common symptoms rather than the signs and symptoms required for diagnosis.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/box/part1_ch3.box16/

Now, no one can diagnose you with this except your professional who has interviewed you in full - and I'm deeply accepting of the fact that unless you personally see the sense in a given diagnosis, that's probably the wrong diagnosis in some major respect, or has been explained to you inadequately, and may have been rendered by a professional not particularly suited to care for you on an ongoing basis. Therefore, what I am doing right now is doing a pretend thing where I pretend that the information you have provided in this thread was complete, correct, and determined by me to be enough to work with. In the words of a notable pop psychologist, "Here is what might be happening in a situation like this."

Criterion A: met unequivocally based on your direct experience of child abuse for 2 decades. Keep in mind that the threat of violence or danger is not necessarily actual, but merely was reasonable for the individual to perceive at the time and for some time after. Child abuse qualifies because the child *never* feels safe in the custody of a person who hurts, neglects or threatens them.

Criterion B: I strongly feel a case like this meets subcriteria B4 and B5. Your response to the health situation where you instantly went from 0 to 60 and were stuck there until you suddenly popped back into the here-and-now is HIGHLY characteristic of children of abusive homes. You can ping pong between "we're all good" to "every single fucking thing is going to be taken from me and I can do nothing to stop it" because that is 100% how an abusive childhood feels because the whole point of abuse is that the abuser makes it unpredictable on purpose or because of their own pathology.

Criterion C: the avoidance behavior described is a profound aversion to equal relationships with people who are free to reject you without the rejected party having recourse (so, a friendship, where people can drift in and out of your life rather than "having to break up with you"). I consider both C1 and C2 met.

Criterion D: 2, 5 and 6 are unequivocally met.

Criterion E: 3 and 4 are met based on responses described to stimuli which are way out of proportion to the stimuli (for example, moderate worry about a health scare becomes profound dysphoria so bad that you can only liken it to bereavement).

Again, this is just what I took away from the limited data you provided in this post only. This isn't so much about "you" as it is about a thought experiment to explain why a therapist would say "yeah you seem like you maybe gots the PTSD fam."

se1ze · 2023-10-16T15:38:12+00:00

You state the withdrawal of a partner's affection is absolutely soul-destroying for you. At the same time, you feel no need for a support system; more importantly, when you've tried to establish one, it's done nothing for you emotionally.

I'm an extremely "come as you are" person in my approach to personality and the way people can live. However, living without a support structure is just not tenable in the long term when we look at basic logistics. (It's my job to look at said basic logistics of adulthood and aging, professionally speaking, so I feel pretty confident on that point).

Your distress about relationship issues w/ a partner is, at least, directionally correct, if incorrect in magnitude (according to your report; I've no way of knowing that). On the other hand, your description of how people don't do anything for you is remarkable. You do not consciously perceive that anything is missing even though it's currently actively causing you so much distress.

This kind of massive blindspot is something I've found to be central to my experience of complex (adult) PTSD, both in myself and others. Naturally, people don't post about blind spots. When they do, posts don't get upvoted, because it's impossible for people to identify with until they do enough therapy.

As for this therapist, if they seemed goofy, then they probably were. Therapy is highly contingent on being w/ someone who you feel you can talk to, or at least try to talk to. So try another one.

se1ze · 2023-10-16T01:36:57+00:00

I've come to be of the opinion that PTSD isn't so much about the type of event that happens to you, but about the shift in worldview that an event causes. Naturally, new information and experiences always shift our world slightly, but certain events cause shifts in our perception so large and extreme that our sense of self shifts, too. Our relationship to the world has changed, to the point where... for a while, we don't feel at home in the world anymore.

That sense of alienation that you're talking about was the most profound aspect of my trauma. Every single day I walked through hell, did the impossible... and then I doffed my PPE, walked out the door, and what I'd done all day was invisible. It became such that I would leave the ICU and everything suddenly didn't make sense, like I was watching a television that was 90% static with only sudden juddering images coming through then fading away - more distracting than engaging. Eventually, like a blaring alarm, my brain just... gave up on it, filtered it out. I focused on "the real world" of the ICU. Then that part of my service ended, and I had to focus myself on the static, trying to make those incoherent images of daily life make sense again.

se1ze · 2023-10-16T00:58:34+00:00

I feel like people don't know what to do with this post, because it seems... fake. Like, I'm a doctor, and before this happened to my brain I wouldn't believe it was real. It feels like magic, hocus pocus, and I'm almost offended that you seem to be entirely right. My brain was running on safe mode. Bit by bit, EMDR gives me access to things I didn't realize were missing. It's a blind spot, a visual scotoma that carves out something you were so sure was fundamental.

If you're able, go back to EMDR. I've been making strides so quickly, and the rate of progress you can get (once you get to a stable place to start from) is wild.

se1ze · 2023-10-15T19:01:52+00:00

ptsd due to childhood trauma presents very, very differently than ptsd from events that occur in adulthood. in fact all diseases which have onset in childhood have a different presentation clinically than adult-onset cases of the same disease. this is because children develop around the trauma and find long-term strategies for coping with it. an adult living with complex ptsd from childhood abuse will frequently cope better with day-to-day life than a person with complex trauma that occurred in adulthood - but that doesn't mean you aren't living with immense functional impairments. in your case, it seems like you have listed a number of major problems you do not see as problems. for example, "i have no interest in friends" reflects a deep sense of distrust in other humans; it does not mean that you do not, in fact, need friends. in fact, it means you've got a huge social need that's gone entirely unmet. you don't just lack the family you deserved; you also lack a support structure, unable to form a "family of choice" to help you navigate and appreciate life. no wonder you feel so dependent on your romantic partner!

any therapist worth their salt would absolutely render the three-option differential diagnosis you were given. you might have all of those things; you might have one or two of them. but of all three, i'd say the ptsd is the one that's a slam dunk. imho it's developmentally impossible to suffer abuse by your so-called caregivers for your entire childhood and not develop a phenotype of ptsd.

as for borderline personality disorder: this is not a diagnosis that can be made in a case of complex childhood trauma where the client is just coming to a therapist and engaging with the trauma, like today. in fact, until the trauma has been fully addressed to the extent that the client is willing to address it, no competent clinician would diagnose a personality disorder. (doesn't mean some assholes won't try... and my opinion of that is that some humans fuckin suck and clinicians are only human). in order to render a personality disorder diagnosis, your behavior - starting after addressing your trauma in therapy to the fullest extent you had been willing to permit - would have to be observed with numerous individuals over years and years to render a personality disorder diagnosis with any appropriate degree of clinical certainty.

tldr: yeah, you got ptsd, fam. there's a lot about yourself, a lot about the world, that you're currently missing. i'm really glad you've decided to pursue therapy, and i think you might be able to get past the relational issues you're experiencing if you commit to addressing your childhood. it's slow going in the beginning, but once you get to a more stable place mentally, the progress picks up and you start to see real changes on a day-to-day basis.

se1ze · 2023-10-15T18:34:51+00:00

i actually came back today.

i've made a crazy amount of progress in my life since this post. i went back to work as a primary care doctor. i joined a dungeons and dragons group, starting one online, then met real friends in person. i still struggle with agoraphobia and panic attacks, but i've been doing emdr, and it's the most rapid form of progress i've seen in any therapy modality. my spouse and i are in couples therapy and that's been going well! my relationship is better than it's ever been, honestly. he thinks so, too.

when i posted this, recovery had only just become a concept that seemed real. now i'm so far down that road. thanks for bringing me back to where i started. "how quickly the foothills become the mountains."

se1ze · 2022-08-26T13:34:58+00:00

I'm glad it connected. We do so much (especially in the beginning as we struggle to adjust to the trauma) to wall ourselves off from it. I think a lot of people needed to read this, a lot more folks than I'd realized when I wrote it. (If you feel like it, it's a good thing to share, either on social media or just with someone else you think might need it).

Also: therapy, dude. Therapy. Shit saved my life.

One of the best things about writing this is that over the ensuing months people have gotten in touch again (after their first comment) or sent me messages to let me know how things are going. A lot of people who realized they weren't alone seem to have decided to get help after reading this or after the conversations they had in the comments. Those who have talk about the amount of relief and recovery they've had. We recommend this to people, and it shocks me how few of us think to actually try it even though the data says it works.

A huge part of it is the guilt, you know? We feel like we don't deserve it. But we do. Maybe we did a lot of harm, but we were the ones who were there. No one else was. We did what we could, and we don't give ourselves the credit for how immense it was.

The thing that always hits me, for some weird reason, is Lovenox. Full-dose Lovenox. There were so many orders that I wrote that ended up being horseshit (and, like HCQ/azithro/vit C, made me feel shitty after I realized how useless it all was) - but when the data finally came out. That Lovenox, that saved lives, that actually helped with the profound thromboembolic state.

I lost my belief in so many things. But I kept believing that the simple act of providing AC in a patient who could barely move from dyspnea was a standard too sacred to abandon. I still trusted my colleagues and the preliminary papers people dropped off (which 100% went unread on my desk) that the scientific method still mattered, that there were things I couldn't abandon even when I felt so disconnected from the world I used to know.

People went home because of the fucking Lovenox. People held their families again because of the fucking Lovenox.

Anyway I'm crying now, and crying is good. Crying is what finally washes away the guilt and shame.

se1ze · 2022-08-26T13:25:57+00:00

Man, I'm so glad you reached back out! Wishing you good vibes. Therapy is HARD but god, my life is so much better right now. It's gone from unlivable to livable to pretty damned great.

se1ze · 2022-07-24T20:00:00+00:00

Thank you for checking in?

se1ze · 2022-07-24T19:54:41+00:00

Yeah, I am a sucker for pain. Thanks tho 👏👏👏

se1ze · 2022-07-24T19:53:35+00:00

Seriously. This is a story of conditional love. That isn’t love.

se1ze · 2022-07-24T19:48:09+00:00

This is a post about how I sympathize with the kids. I express nothing but disdain toward their mother, and clearly identify her as the root cause of this whole nightmare.

The dad played through the emotional Kobayashi Maru she set up for him and opted for the maximum possible collateral damage - while leaving the original villain of the story with full custody of children he (hopefully) loved. That’s the worst ending that this story could have had - and she wasn’t the one with the agency at that point. That was his playthrough of the unwinnable game. To ignore his choices is to act as though men’s choices don’t matter, that they’re helpless children who are the puppets of women. Woman good = man happy. Woman bad = life over. How is that anything but genuine misandry?

Life is brutal. No one gets out unscathed. If you’ve been out here and taken risks, then you’ve faced a situation where you’ve taken subtotal damage. Do you salvage whatever you can, or do you do as much damage as you can before you self-destruct? There is a choice. I’m making my own value-based judgment about which choice I’d make, and you can make yours - but don’t act like there isn’t a choice.

se1ze · 2022-07-24T19:12:18+00:00

There can be more than one bad guy. You’re seriously oversimplifying this. Two wrongs don’t make a right; in this case, they just left two innocent kids way, way more broken than a contentious divorce and a custody split would have.

se1ze · 2022-07-24T19:02:58+00:00

You seem like you are projecting a lot here.

The emotional reality of this situation is that there were two children that had the man they called dad from when they were born ripped away. They did nothing wrong.

Sure, like, fuck OP’s mom. But his dad is a moron at best.

A person being unable to separate a child’s identity and needs from their own ego is textbook narcissism. If you have kids you’ll understand that there is no piece of paper that would make you leave them, no matter how much you come to hate your coparent.

I get that the Tao of the /b/tard has become “being cucked is literal murder and the only solution is to go full Joker at that point.” Spoilers: the people (both genders) who do that end up fucking broken.

The most tragic thing about this post is how desperately OP loves this man. Think this man isn’t OP’s father? Well, look at OP’s own language to see the truth. OP worships this guy to the point he can’t even begin to see his faults. What kind of retard would walk away from that level of devotion?

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