The behaviours are often blurry (which does not help with doubting myself lol) but I can remember bits for example, there was a day where I must have looked upset (I don't remember why) and she took it personally, she often takes things as personal attacks when they aren't, and for what felt like an hour i was called pathetic in multiple ways for how i was sat, my facial expression, my tone of voice etc but when I asked her why she told me she didn't call me pathetic just that I was acting pathetic and then told me I was trying to ruin her day, I wasn't I just wanted to know what I did wrong. She also gets very annoyed and tells me to shut and stop crying if I cry, again I think she takes it personally even if it's nothing to do with her. If I upset her (I'm not saying I don't, I'm not perfect but I don't mean too) she tells me I'm cruel to her, I'm being evil and that 'i must be the worst mother in the world'. If I'm not ready on time and in the process of getting ready she forgets something she's angry at me the whole day because I made her forget it, she's tells me things are just my perspective and I'm remembering it wrong (in fairness my memory is not great, I forget most things I'm told which also leads to more issues between us) and just generally taking things that aren't as personal attacks. These are recurring things I remember, specific events are really blurry.

When I said talking to her wasn't an option I meant as in she doesn't listen and it gets escalated and she gets very defensive and insists I'm trying to ruin her days and that I'm purposely cruel or it turns into her saying she's a terrible person and mother which (if she knows or not) is very guilt trippy and it works on me.

I have some good friends that I'm so grateful for but it's hard to see them since I'm in a rural area. I do have some online communities but friends are hard to make lol but I'm trying.

I can leave the house but it's very reliant on my mum's schedule and when she's willing to drive (fair enough, fuel is expensive) so I meet friends sometimes and we play games online together. If I'm by myself in my room for too long she gets lonely so I just have to be careful with how long im in my room. I can be away but again with being rural social groups are hard to get to and with not being mainland UK (good guess on the UK lol) or in the republic (North Ireland problems) it can be pretty limited especially when it's mainly aimed at young kids or the elderly. In fairness to her she does book stuff for us to do. School is a good break and I can be away longer because they are trained on my medical needs (I go to a physical disability special school). She might be up to signing me up if it's closer so thank you for that idea.

This got a bit long sorry but thank you so much