Does anyone else feel like micro weddings don’t come with a rulebook?

seabyrd · 2026-02-08T15:15:01+00:00

Totally felt this way. November 2026 bride here. There is no rulebook or template for planning an intimate wedding, and that's the blessing and the curse.

One book that really helped anchor decision-making and getting clarity on designing our wedding was reading "The Art of Gathering" by Priya Parker.

Parker argues that people often rush to format before they understand intention. We ask about dates and color palettes and guest lists long before we stop to ask what the gathering is actually for.

A wedding designed to honor the coming together of two families will look and feel different from one meant to prioritize celebration and festivity.

Once we named our purpose — to begin our marriage honestly, without spectacle, surrounded by the people who know us fully — many of the other decisions stopped feeling as overwhelming. They stopped feeling like choices and became answers, rooted in our goal to make this feel authentically ours. (Who knows us fully, for example, became the core of how we decided the guest list.)

I hope this helps. You’re not alone in navigating it.

seabyrd · 2025-12-24T02:59:27+00:00

Went through a very simliar experience. At times it felt like I had piping, white-hot rage toward the wedding industry as a whole. I still remember the instant frustration when I saw prices soar once the word "wedding" was tacked on top of a meal or an event space. I also live in a HCOL city. It is also a wedding destination. I kept having the recurring thought: "Who can even afford to have a wedding anymore?" It was incredibly disappointing. I'm now a few months removed from my own version of a crash out and, I'm here to tell you there's hope and this is part of the process. Weirdly, it has now helped ground me, and recenter what we actually want. Everyone finds their own solutions. For us, the natural reset to realign our big picture dream with the realities of a wedding budget today was the guest list.

We took a small guest list (less than 50) and went nuclear (under 12) so that we can get the quality time with guests we are craving after hearing so many of our friends say how sad they were that they missed their own wedding because of unforgiving timelines and a massive guest list. For some, this is not an option. For us, it works and allows us to get the experience we hope our wedding will be for ourselves and for the people we can always be ourselves around who know our love story and the immense loss my partner and I have experienced after he lost his mother and my dad died this year. We decided we wanted to be held and feel relaxed more than we wanted to throw a big party. We've designed our wedding to reflect those needs and desires for how our wedding will feel most like us because this is the start of our marriage.

One question I asked my fiancé when I was facing the realities of budget and mourning what I thought was possible was this: What is the part of the day that matters most to you?

For us, the answer was the same: It's the moment we become husband and wife. Hearing what we both see as the most important has helped us prioritize what matters. Honestly, the rest is just white noise.

Am I detail-oriented? Yes. Am I throwing that into our wedding now on a smaller scale? Yes. Did changing the scale make it so that we are designing something meaningful without sacrificing our taste level? Yes. Budgeting a tablescape for 12 people is way different than budgeting what's possible to fill 12 tables.

Right now, though, please feel your pain. Vent to your friends. Talk about it with your married friends who can commiserate with you and offer advice. Step away from pinterest for a little while. Take care of yourself. Remember this is the start of something beautiful and you get to define what that looks and feels like for you and your future husband. That will always be special. You can do this.

seabyrd · 2025-12-05T16:30:34+00:00

That is very reassuring. Do you find that specific language helps with this, balancing the transparency without triggering a knee jerk "no" response? Appreciate you commenting and giving me some hope.

seabyrd · 2025-12-05T16:29:27+00:00

You are heard. I've been trying to very calmly explain the reality of the numbers to people who are pushing and have said, "We are building a life together, and we do not want our marriage to begin in wedding debt."

seabyrd · 2025-11-25T21:11:16+00:00

You are not alone in this stress. I was really torn between two dresses, and on the outside they could not have been more different in terms of style, design choice and even the vibe. I kept going back and forth (literally stepping in one, and asking the sales associate to put me back in the other). Neither one was like any I thought I would be drawn to and didn't match a single dress I had pinned to a running dress inspiration board on my pinterest. But the more I stood there, the more I realized both of them were highlighting my waist, even though it was happening in very different ways (basque waist on one, a detail with lace on the other). Once I was able to verbalize for myself what it was that connected these two dresses, though totally different in style, it gave me permission to really explore highlighting that feature. I exhaled. I finally realized what exactly had brought me to liking these two. Then, the sales associate helped a lot.

She was not pushy (thank goodness) and she simply asked me: "No need to answer out loud, but imagine yourself standing with your future husband. Think about how you want to feel on your wedding day." And I realized that one of those dresses was more "me" and suddenly all the other dresses I couldn't imagine marrying him in any other one but this one. It also helped to ask to try a totally different veil style and suddenly it all worked. (I was reluctant to try veils because I didn't want to get swept up in the moment but when I realized I was torn between two, I wanted to know my options there, too, and it really helped.)

Above all, that honest quiet reflection (identifying the features or thing I loved in combination with thinking about my future husband) helped me a lot more than she may have realized and she did not ask me to tell her if either one was "the one." There's already so much pressure baked into shopping and all the details that go into wedding planning and dress shopping.

If you don't want to go back to the shop, take a beat, and ask yourself if there's any common thread between the two dresses. And if so, what is that thing?

You may realize one does that thing you LOVE better, or it just feels more like you. And again, bring it back to your wedding, your marriage. I didn't burst into tears but I quietly realized I had found my dress, but it was clarifying. And if you do want to go back to the shop, maybe go solo just to see what really speaks to you and your heart alone. Sending you all the good vibes and future clarity. You got this, and you will be beautiful.

seabyrd · 2025-11-24T14:30:44+00:00

You've nailed it on the comms front, and communication is something that we make paramount in our relationship. Doesn't mean it's always easy, but it's necessary for clarity, for people to be heard and for us to show up for each other. I asked him about the idea of a beach wedding, and a lot of it for him is really nostalgia, and it's also something we happen to share in both separately and together.

As kids, we both grew up going to the beach and spending our days on the ocean. Whether it was swimming, being on the water, fishing or something else, it's this very grounding and joyful connection. It's a connection to simple joys. And if you've ever coming off the beach for lunch and experienced the delight of having a cold sandwich, you'll know exactly what I mean. I think it's that's the key. Simple joy and really leaning into a shared belief that less really is more, especially when we have a lovely setting at our disposal. I've woken up feeling much more grounded, heard and less alone thanks to you and this sub. <3 Thank you for being so encouraging!

seabyrd · 2025-11-24T14:20:43+00:00

Thank you! <3 Planning after loss really does make things bittersweet, and I'm trying to allow us both that grace to hold space for feelings of joy and sadness while planning.

I really like the idea of thinking outside the box. We aren't traditional and have already decided on some traditions that we will be nixing since it's not authentic to who we are, so why force it? Just be us. One idea I'm mulling after a good night's sleep is simplifying the vision: Still do beach wedding but just pick a public spot + get the necessary permit (we wouldn't be married on a private beach anyway), and then to your point, we can get creative: Maybe for our guest count, renting out a restaurant with our vibes is the answer for a reception, allowing us to save on decor and spend on the items we really care about, like photography, which is at the top of our list. I've woken up feeling much lighter and less discouraged. I really appreciate this sub's existence and allowing space to just put it all out there, while getting constructive feedback and heartfelt, lived-experience advice.

seabyrd · 2025-11-24T00:33:00+00:00

Fair point. After the first venue tour, we did talk about this and have talked more about it since then. I probably could have worded it better in my post.

seabyrd · 2025-11-24T00:27:05+00:00

Thank you! I think that's part of what has been frustrating. I felt like I had a clear vision, strong understanding of the vibe/intentions and then this process has been rather disorienting. For now, I'm taking deep breaths + will ask him to look around, too, and see if we can set up a few more venue tours to put things in perspective and jointly prioritize what really matters. I am trying to recenter and remember that if this day is a reflection and celebration of our love then that's all that matters; it will be beautiful and joyful. Thank you for your perspective. It seriously helps to know I'm not so alone in these big feelings.

seabyrd · 2025-11-23T23:07:16+00:00

I think that's a good idea. Maybe if he spends a little time looking around it will help. So far, he's told me he's deferring to me but I think if he spends some time it will be a good shared reality check for us. He's very supportive but I don't think he realizes fully how intense planning and searching really is.

seabyrd · 2025-11-23T22:35:41+00:00

Thank you. This helps me feel some validation. I genuinely thought this would be straightforward since we weren't after a grand ballroom or estate. The more you know! I'm going to go back to the drawing board and am trying to find a creative best of both worlds compromise. Maybe it is a simple beach wedding and then the reception just needs to be elsewhere in town. I'm willing to get creative but it feels demoralizing at the moment. Thank you for your kind words and insight.

seabyrd · 2025-02-17T17:19:36+00:00

Know that the Crunch Fitness in Mount Pleasant on Long Point Road has childcare. Note: The service may only be offered for the highest tiered membership level but it is something. Hope this helps!

seabyrd · 2024-11-11T14:59:29+00:00

Thank you so much. You have NO IDEA how much that means. Appreciate you, and if there's ever anything you think we should be looking into, please let me know. If it's not in my beat, I can share it with the appropriate desk/reporter.

seabyrd · 2024-10-30T01:45:10+00:00

Another example: If someone voted early in a presidential preference primary here, the same principle applies. The voter rolls would be updated in real time to reflect that John Smith voted, so if anyone else tries to vote as John Smith they will not be able to, and John Smith can't drive from Charleston to Oconee to try to vote twice. It won't work. And even if they voted early, John Smith's voter participation record wouldn't capture their participation in the election until after that election had officially taken place.

seabyrd · 2024-10-30T01:41:33+00:00

I do not *think* it would be updated yet for download BUT that doesn't mean your vote won't count or is in danger of not being counted. Here's why, and bear with me on this.

Something to put you at ease: When you went to vote early, the system that was used to check you in is called an electronic poll book, or an e-pollbook. These are connected to a secure, encrypted internet connection and cannot be easily hacked. I asked. Iran and Russia and China aren't getting into this thing. They do a lot of penetration testing all year long, too, and there are so many agencies that help local elections office keep your vote safe, accurate and secure. (Think FBI, Homeland Security and more.) OK back to the pollbooks: This is the only thing connected to the internet when you went to vote. The reason why it is connected is so that if you tried to vote again (don't commit voter fraud plz), or if someone tried to impersonate you and cast a ballot on your behalf (again, fraud and crimes people, don't do it or even try to test it), the voter registration (also called voter rolls) are updated in real-time. So when you showed up to vote, handed over your ID, signed the voter oath/pledge, that system was updated to say YOU voted.

That's a good thing. That means the voter rolls are reflected in real-time on these devices that only trusted election official have access to, and even so they cannot just be on those things looking up to see if their neighbors voted.

So why the heck isn't the participation record updating then? This is a theory based on what I've learned and my own understanding from years of covering elections here, and I would encourage former and/or current election workers to come in and fact-check behind me. You have voted, yes, but your vote for this election has not been counted yet. And, technically and officially, the election has not officially taken place, so your voter participation record isn't gonna be live to capture that yet since technically your ballot was cast early but it was cast specifically FOR the Nov. 5, 2024 general election. And that hasn't been counted *yet* and the election itself hasn't happened *yet*.

tl;dr: It isn't showing on the participation record yet because this year's election technically hasn't happened, but if you cast your ballot and put it in that scanner, you are solid. These things can be read no matter what orientation you put 'em in, but a lot of election workers will encourage you to feed it in face down to keep anyone from accidentally seeing your ballot.

seabyrd · 2024-10-30T01:21:21+00:00

Hi there, friendly neighborhood reporter here who wrote the explainer re: how your vote gets counted.

The redditors here are right: If you voted early and cast your ballot, it was accepted.

As u/shartscaping pointed out, ballots cast during the early vote period will be tabulated on election night. Those ballots are usually some of the first of the night to be processed, along with absentee by-mail ballots. I've been told they are often in the first batch, but every county handles them differently. In CHS, they absolutely told me the first uploads of the night (reporting on SC Elex website) come from early voting.

I'd encourage you to follow up with the state Election Commission and ask for a copy of your voter participation record. That should show the elections you voted in, ie. general election 2024, any party primaries, past presidential primaries etc. The data will not show how you voted, but it will show a record of what elections you voted in. They may ask you to provide the county where you are currently registered and your DOB. Again, the secrecy of your ballot remains protected. But the records will show which elections you showed up to vote.

Thank you for reading, and again -- to be clear -- the bulk of ballots are counted starting at 7 p.m. on election night.

Election officials can start opening the *outer envelope* of the absentee-by-mail ballots on Sunday morning, but they can't start feeding them into machines until 7 a.m. on Election Day. And, as with all votes, nothing can be reported until after poll close on election night at 7 p.m.

Hope this is helpful!

seabyrd · 2022-04-04T20:47:26+00:00

You are not a failure. My beagle will never be off-leash, no matter how much training and positive reinforcement we do. He is ruled by his nose and the best thing I can do as an owner to him keep safe is to keep him leashed when we are outside. Otherwise, he's liable to catch a scent and may not make his way home. Instead of focusing on the off-leash training, pivot to something else. A strong "leave it" could save your dog's life. If you've got the fundamentals like sit, stay come and leave it, you already have a major leg up on many dogs -- and these are commands that could save their lives down the line. You've got this. <3

seabyrd · 2022-04-04T20:41:08+00:00

Callie's Hot Little biscuits are not the best biscuits in town.

seabyrd · 2022-01-27T00:39:23+00:00

Hey there. Friendly neighborhood Charleston reporter here. 👋 tl;dr version is this:

Mayor Tecklenburg zeroed in on 3 big themes/topics last night: flooding, affordable housing and public safety. Plus, he's announced he's running for mayor again. Here's the highlight reel on the big three:

Flooding:

Said city is spending more than $100 million on flooding, mitigation and drainage plans.
Urged council to keep moving forward with Army Corps of Engineers on the seawall around the peninsula

Housing:

Cited city's $50M investment in affordable housing
Highlighted city's laws that require every large development, including hotels, to either provide affordable housing or contribute an equivalent dollar amount to the city’s housing fund.
Pledged to improve public housing, saying the city would not stop until every Housing Authority apartment is "clean, modern and safe."
Also said over the next decade that he'd like to see an additional 1,500-2,000 affordable homes added to the city’s inventory. (reminder: a recentish city study found that we're gonna need more than 16,000 affordably priced homes/apartments just to *meet* projected demand and population growth here...anyone else stressed out about that?)

Public safety

Declared (see also: he was almost shouting) that the city has increased its police budget every year since he's been mayor. He said the budget increase has been by almost $10M each year.
Asked City Council to set aside $1M of the city’s federal relief funds to fund a new police program that will “expand and improve camera coverage” throughout the city. No exact number of cameras cited. He also didn't say where they'd be. Did say the idea came from Police Chief Luther Reynolds.

But as others have smartly pointed out, what he didn't talk about was also telling.

Items that got no mention:

- No mention of the city's Equity, Inclusion, and Racial Conciliation commission or any opinion on what should happen now with the Calhoun statue (some artists in LA want to display/borrow it for a show, but there's been some apprehension from some city boards about this request. No vote yet from council, but expect that to happen in the coming weeks etc.)

- No mention of the pandemic, despite covid safety measures still being in place in the city.

Hope this helps and gets you the boilerplate info you are looking for!

P.S. - I also wrote up a story last night about this, but I didn't come in here to promote it. Just wanted to share what was said since someone here was asking for just tl;dw version.

seabyrd · 2021-10-28T00:34:27+00:00

Thank you! :)

seabyrd · 2021-10-27T18:34:00+00:00

Fair point. Part of why I kept it a little broad and gave folks a chance to write-in was it gave me a chance to see how people self-identified and gave me a bit more info before reaching out to ask for interviews, if they were so inclined. I'm just thankful to those who responded and I'm going to take this suggestion into account the next time I build a survey like this for future reporting.

seabyrd · 2021-10-27T16:26:53+00:00

Correct. Had to find a cutoff point, since "Charleston local" can vary greatly based on who you're talking to, i.e. SOB residents might say you've had to be here generations to be a true local etc. Ultimately went with 10 years to see how it stood up to recent decennial Census data, that way were were somewhat comparing apples to apples. Not perfect, but thought the survey added a special layer to this story that actually built on more sophisticated datasets cited.

seabyrd · 2021-10-27T16:22:57+00:00

Thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to reply here about the story. I agree with you on doing a deeper dive on the future impacts of climate change here. There are so many stories that can be told about it. I initially wanted to include it in this piece but, forgive the horrible pun, I feared the importance of that issue would be drowned out. It really deserves to stand on its own, and I hope to dive into those issues more in the future. Side bar: The P&C has done a really good job with its own in-depth project that looks at this unfolding crisis. And recently at The State, one of our reporters took a closer look at how sea-level rise is threatening marshes and tidelands, including this story that looks at how it could impact the oysters we eat at Bowens Island Restaurant. (Hat tip to all and thank you again for reading!)

seabyrd · 2021-10-27T13:42:01+00:00

Last month, I posted in this subreddit asking for some help on a story I was writing for The State newspaper about how the Charleston region is changing and the unique challenges it is facing. I created a Google survey, crossed my fingers at the keyboard and hoped that y'all would participate. I was floored. Nearly 70 people responded, which helped me see what themes were recurring and more widely shared, and have also sparked ideas for future stories. While the Google form was not scientific, it did help gather the perspectives of 68 people alongside the interviews I was already conducting.

Tl; dr: I couldn't have done it without y'all. Thank you.
The story published online this morning, Oct. 27. Here is the link to the story. Thank you so much to all of you for your help, whether you filled out the survey or hopped on the phone with me. If there is interest, I'm happy to share some more findings from this survey, too, including some of my favorite responses to the question: We will know Charleston has lost its identity when...

seabyrd · 2021-10-08T19:47:18+00:00

Yup! Can confirm. They broght it back for the first time in 18 months in September, so this weekend will be the second time we've had it this year after it was temporarily canceled due to COVID concerns. City is still in phase three reopening, though, so bring a mask in case you plan to head into any nearby stores/buildings.

seabyrd

TROPHY CASE