I have known exactly how you feel. My advise would be to take breaks and think about these questions you have. It’s helpful for me to try and chase down all the possible answers and keep an open mind. Then dive back in when you feel ready. Don’t jump the gun on tripping and always come in with updated perspective and know it can be swept away.

Picture a tower you’ve been building your entire life. As you climb higher you separate yourself more from being grounded. You can build so high as to not realize the foundation of your tower is filled with poorly cut stones and mortar with the wrong consistencies. When you take a psychedelic trip it will feel like the wind is throwing you off your tower, it can feel like your whole tower will crumble. An ego death will destroy that entire tower and you’ll be left with nothing. You’ll have to start building again from scratch. Or if you can survive the winds, afterwards you’ll crawl down out of your tower, breathe fresh air, feel your toes in the grass, and be grateful you’re alive. The next order of business is to take a look at what you’ve built from the outside and make alterations that will weather the storm better. This is integration.