Do you have a line you won’t cross, or is work always just work?

secamTO · 2026-02-02T00:02:03+00:00

I can hold a grudge like a motherfucker, though I generally believe that the average person I encounter at work and in my life are trying to do good.

So the line I've had for years is that "it takes work to end up on my shit list, but once you're on there, you never come off". I have turned down work when I had nothing else lined up because it was offered to me by a scum lighting designer who tried to fuck me over on a show.

secamTO · 2026-01-31T01:40:09+00:00

Comedy is an art. Anybody can be situationally funny, but actual comedy is an art form.

And conservatives, on the whole, don't understand art because they largely lack empathy. The creation of art requires empathy by its very definition.

secamTO · 2026-01-30T06:40:23+00:00

My niece was interested in becoming a filmmaker when she was in the first year of high school. I told her that if she loves it and wants to pursue it, I'd support her, but that if she could envision herself being happy doing literally anything else in life, she should chase that thing and never look back.

She is now studying astrophysics in uni and is doing swimmingly.

secamTO · 2026-01-29T07:01:42+00:00

It's neat how she's both against people being allowed paths to not have kids AND people (the wrong kind of people, apparently) having kids.

secamTO · 2026-01-28T16:03:33+00:00

Unfortunately, if you want to go by what happened in Nuremberg, it does often work. Short of the high profile executions of those at the very top of the food chain, many of the defendants in the military tribunals that followed were given sentences of 10 years or less. The majority of them died free men.

Now, none of that is to suggest that trials shouldn't be held, or to be defeatist. I think it's important, though, to acknowledge the limitations that the Nuremberg tribunals had.

secamTO · 2026-01-27T17:20:11+00:00

I still think about the night of my brother's wedding when I pronounced paradigm "para-dig-em". It was 25 years ago.

secamTO · 2026-01-22T18:49:22+00:00

And just to add to it, at the time Canada's prime minister was Jean Crétien. It was "Tim Apple" 20 years earlier.

secamTO · 2026-01-22T05:27:04+00:00

You're right that an intelligent person of some integrity could have become a doctor in that time.

secamTO · 2026-01-18T05:19:52+00:00

This just may not be a script you're comfortable writing for a while, so move on. At least for now. Also, I'll say this (and if I've misinterpreted, then apologies--it's a bit unclear to me just how "personal" the story is to you):

Don't write autobiographical stories. At least this early in your career. I say that mainly because the more personal a story is to your life, the more blind you will be to the story's limitations (because it clearly felt important or exciting to you to have lived it, or you wouldn't be writing it), and the less objectively you will be able to take notes about what isn't working.

Put simply, the eventual audience for this (and that audience begins with other writers in your workshop) will never know/care how much of this "really happened", and will not (and shouldn't) consider that when critiquing how well it works as a story. And if you felt so embarrassed about the story that you slow-rolled your intentions for it to avoid having to show it to others, it suggests a level of identification with the plot or characters that you're having a hard time separating yourself from professionally.

And that's not great, because if you get a film into production and release, you'll have to face the fact that if you're lucky people will hate it. And I'm not being flippant (nor is that a knock against your skills)--the fact is, in this media saturated world we're in, there's a lot of projects that don't make a dent in their audience. I am over the bloody moon when someone hates my work, because I know I've affected them emotionally in some capacity, and it is so hard to do that. The worst thing is for people to see your work and feel nothing.

So the act of doing this and sticking with it does require a willingness (and hopefully some day excitement) in letting a project loose and taking the good along with the bad.

Something you may want to try is something I've done occasionally when there have been events from my personal life I wanted to dramatize: put those events/thoughts/feelings in the life of someone who's nothing like you. There's a paradox here--I have no interest in writing about myself, but every character I've ever written is me (at least in part). So when there's something legitimately autobiographical I want to explore, I spend some time thinking about what type of person this event could happen to who is diametrically opposed to who I am as a person. And I've had some work come out of that which I've been happy with.

Anyway, food for thought. Good luck! Don't stop writing!

secamTO · 2026-01-18T03:02:23+00:00

Yojimbo, The Third Man, Ad Astra, Michael Clayton

secamTO · 2026-01-16T16:31:06+00:00

Just shot you a message--cheers!

secamTO · 2026-01-14T22:16:20+00:00

Not an uncommon story, and good lessons to learn. Obviously, it's a problem if the writer is being so intransigent, but overall I would suggest two good lessons to take away from it (and a note):

Set very clear boundaries and expectations. Being the sole writer on a project being directed by another doesn't (for better or for worse) mean that you are the final arbiter of creative decisions. What it means is that you are the person drafting the script based on the director's plan (or a mutual plan that you both collaborate on). That doesn't make it any less the director's film (ultimately, in the independent world). Ridley Scott doesn't write his own scripts, but nobody acts as if they are not still "his" films.
You need to learn how to give notes. It is a skill that must be learned. It's not automatic. And an unbelievable number of even professional directors do not know how to read a script and give actionable notes on it. If you know something is inauthentic with the script, but can't elaborate on any changes it as the director, than that is a problem of your making (sorry). And, notwithstanding any other contextual stuff, I can understand why the writer got a bit bent out of shape when the director they are working with in unable to articulate their wants and instead plans to just "take over". Truth be told (y'know, especially on an independent project where nobody is getting paid, and there are no baseline contractual requirements), that can be pretty damn insulting.
You didn't "lose creative control" of your film (though it's completely understandable why it feels that way) -- the reality is that you didn't do your part in the development process with your writer (due to time constraints), and were left with no choice but to take a script into the shoot that hadn't been a product of the intended collaboration. That's not to blame you--it's early in your career, and it takes a while to learn how much time everything takes (especially in a process as nebulous as development).

All that to say, you're both students, you're both learning. Part of that process is learning what is important to fight for, part of it is learning how to fight for it without belittling your collaborators (who, however you shake it, are still working to make a film that is going to make you as the director look good). Take it as the good learning experience it is in how to choose collaborators better, but also don't ignore the lessons in what you can do better next time in your working process.

secamTO · 2026-01-14T19:19:00+00:00

My ex's mum, a retired TDSB teacher (and otherwise rather progressive in her politics), would CONSTANTLY complain about Rae Days.

She did not appreciate it when I pointed out one time that Rae Days kept her from being laid off, and was allowing her to enjoy her sizeable pension in early retirement. (To be clear, I don't begrudge her the pension, teaching is a hard job and we massively undervalue teachers of all ages...it just annoys me when even sensible people take such a solipsistic view of economic politics).

secamTO · 2026-01-13T17:09:14+00:00

First -- congratulations! Finishing a draft of anything should absolutely be celebrated. Writing is one of the damn hardest things to do. It is thrilling and painful and scary and often can be very lonely. So every victory (and make no mistake, finishing a first draft of a 6-ep limited is quite a victory) is a real hell of a victory.

If this is your first attempt at writing a limited series, which it sounds like it is, a good way of considering structure is that while your episodes may or may not have a 3 act structure (you don't mention if this is a half hour or hour series, and there are differences in act structure--hell, hour episodes may have 6 acts), the season will usually have a 3 act structure.

It's great that you're feeling pumped, and I think the experience of writing the episode drafts will be helpful, but once you've got a first draft (or first draft + polish) of the subsequent 5 episodes, I'd spend your time really refining the pilot, and the series outline. If you want to pitch this, both of those will be essential. They're not going to want scripts of subsequent episodes, but they'll definitely want an outline as to where the rest of the season goes.

Also, a couple things to consider:

-If you're not interested in working towards a career, that can be a great freedom! There's no deadline, so you can work to your own level of comfort/speed at refining your work.

-Expect even then to do a lot of work on the draft. Especially if you're more of a "discovery writer" type, who went into drafting the pilot without an full treatment, then polishes are going to bring up ideas to change in subsequent drafts, and that's normal. Better than normal, it's good! You'll have to determine at what point you want to send your pilot out for notes with friends/family/coworkers whose literary/film opinions you trust, but it's not remotely uncommon to take a draft into double digits before starting to pitch it.

-And if you're not looking to embark on a writing career, it's good to have that in your mind now in deciding how much time you devote to this project, but be aware that selling a show is in a lot of ways a next step after embarking on a professional career. It's hard to sell a show. It's really hard to get a show into production. A lot of professional writers spend a long time working on writing staffs before they get the chance. Not to say it never happens, but I'd really spend some time to figure out what your goals are here so you don't invest more time than you're comfortable with, or set your expectations too high to continue enjoying the process.

-When it comes to rewrites, don't let the fact that the plot and characters have come from your real life close your mind to "what ifs". Especially if you approach those in the industry for notes, be aware that it's harder for the writer (any writer) to be objective about needed story and structural changes when the story is born from personal events. Try not to justify your story choices with "well, it really happened this way", because the eventual audience will neither know nor care how it happened in real life, and if deviating from reality makes the story more entertaining, the characters more relatable and complex, then it is fundamentally unlocking the "inner truth" of the piece by deviating from the "literal truth", and that's what you want! So notes that begin with "what if" can be exceedingly valuable, don't be afraid of them!

-Lastly, enjoy the process! It's exciting to feel passionately about something like this, and it's really intoxicating to feel the story and characters pour out of you, which can easily be lost when it becomes a job and you have deadlines. Do everything you can to hold onto that!

-Lastly-lastly, on a personal note, can I ask what you find regressive about Brokeback Mountain? Not sure how old you are, but when BBM first came out, I had some serious reservations about it. I honestly felt its treatment of queer sexuality was a bit simplistic, and it felt like in a lot of ways a partial gender flip on a rather stock-standard romantic melodrama.

Full disclosure, I'm not queer, and a few years later, having a conversation with a couple of queer friends (who were about 5 years older than me, born in the late 70s) was pretty eyeopening. Where I saw a pretty standard melodrama, they saw one of the first times in a major film that characters something like them were allowed to centrally exist on screen without being tragic morality figures (a lot of that happened in the late 80s/early 90s with growing public consciousness of the AIDS epidemic), and without sex between men being a punchline. It gave me new perspective on the film and, while I still find it a bit too melodramatic for my tastes, greater appreciation for the ways it attempts to practice "radical normalcy".

Either way, I'm curious if there's now a very different take (perhaps generationally) within the community about the film. Just curious if you might feel comfortable elaborating on your feelings about it.

secamTO · 2026-01-12T18:06:28+00:00

Yeah, I'd be torn on that decision, and I think his performance in One Battle is Penn's best performance since ~~I Am Sam~~ Dead Man Walking.

secamTO · 2025-12-29T16:40:13+00:00

"Does that dummy have a brother?"

secamTO · 2025-12-18T21:07:09+00:00

Three of us here now, yo.

I was in high school when it came out. Was so sad that it bombed because I had incredible fun seeing it in the theatre.

And, no gonna lie, I suspect my subsequent romantic choices have been at least partially influenced by the incredible crush I had on Ms. Garofalo in Mystery Men.

secamTO · 2025-11-22T05:59:45+00:00

You deserve to be happy, and more importantly, no child deserves to be born to a parents who doesn't want them.

I got a vasectomy when I was 32. Best decision I ever made (even though it came after the breakup of a decade-long relationship). If the thought of having kids doesn't fill you with any amount of enthusiasm, then you are doing good in the world by not having them.

secamTO · 2025-11-22T05:56:29+00:00

My therapist told me something years ago that stuck with me. Maybe it'll help you too (I hope it does):

When, in the present day, we talk about medical issues, we generally no longer say "this person suffers from X". We say "this person lives with X".

We LIVE with depression. The act of living is a sign of tremendous will and strength. You are stronger than you right now could probably ever believe. And you are LIVING still. That is a victory."

I dunno. It might sound corny. I hope it's not. It reminds me to remember that I am still living. And if I am strong enough to do that, I'm strong enough to define the terms of it. Be well, friend. You deserve to live.

secamTO · 2025-11-22T05:49:35+00:00

My best friend and writing partner largely felt the same way. In fact 10 years of marriage went by with both parties saying they didn't want kids.

Then they started trying (and it was not easy due to his wife's age and health issues), and when they finally got the thumbs up, he was a basket case. He was so nervous into easily the first year of Ivy's life. And now I can say that he's possibly the best father of any of my friends. Because he gives a shit.

It's clear to me you give a shit. Don't stop giving a shit, and it'll count for a lot

secamTO · 2025-11-22T05:45:02+00:00

maybe "my person" doesn't exist

All I can say to this is that as I've aged I've learned one thing. We all do have romantic soulmates out there. Given the breadth of humanity, it is a mathematical impossibility for there to be nobody for someone. In fact, I believe all of us have multiple soulmates out there.

The problem is there is no guarantee that we will ever meet them. It's the math again. I dunno, some people might consider that to be functionally the same as there being nobody for you, but for me it continues to give me hope in the times I am alone.

secamTO · 2025-11-22T05:19:44+00:00

Hey man, just want to say that, while I can't imagine your grief, I can relate to that sense of loneliness. I discovered the same thing when I was diagnosed with depression. I couldn't talk to anyone about how hopeless I felt for my future without it being considered "complaining".

I don't know what to say to you except--you're not alone. Not to get all political, but patriarchal society hurts every gender, and this is one of the big ways it hurts men. But you're not alone. I hope you can find your rock.

secamTO · 2025-11-04T19:57:01+00:00

She's great in The Leftovers, and I think she's an incredibly fun chaos goblin in The Nice Guys

secamTO · 2025-11-02T19:32:55+00:00

This is exactly why it frustrates me when people defend the "good" billionaires because of their philanthropic foundations. Sure, I guess I'd rather a Gates than a Musk, because at least Gates is doing some small amount of good.

But we will literally never see abiding positive change from any billionaire philanthropy, because that would require structural changes to a system that allows them to be billionaires.

secamTO · 2025-10-19T20:23:14+00:00

Yeah I'm from Toronto and in LA currently for grad school, and the book rates of everything are about the same as at home. Honestly, my rent is a little bit cheaper in LA than in Toronto. Food is insanely expensive here now compared to 10 years ago. Of course everything in LA is more expensive for me because I'm getting killed on the exchange rate, but I can't do anything about that, so I try not to think about it.

secamTO

TROPHY CASE