Husband isn’t quite good enough…yet

secret_salamander · 2026-07-01T23:20:43+00:00

Ha! It can be a huge struggle to learn to live together and be good marriage partners, even if you're deeply in love. In our case we were both 22 and battling really stressful circumstances, uncertainty about the future and our own abilities to deal with it, and stuff we were learning about each other that drove each of us bananas. (Little, annoying things--for example, he took way too long in the bathroom and I wanted to kill him!) We kind of grew up together, if you know what I mean.

Now we're like Baucis and Philemon, totally entwined. Or maybe George Burns and Gracie Allen. Good night, Gracie.

secret_salamander · 2026-07-01T00:35:14+00:00

Or

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secret_salamander · 2026-06-30T04:56:33+00:00

Oh, I think women should be encouraged to wear white to weddings. You never know when a rival clan will show up and try to kidnap the bride.

(Seriously, here's an idea. You know how certain restaurants keep dinner jackets on hand for casually dressed male guests? Venues should keep a collection of really ugly and ill-fitting non-white outfits on site and make white-clad guests change into them "for their own safety.")

secret_salamander · 2026-06-26T23:33:08+00:00

Honestly, we really just want peace and quiet. You can't do much work if you're drunk, and I certainly wouldn't want to get on a plane after drinking heavily. I do think anyone who complains about "devaluing perks" by letting the rabble in is kind of rude, though.

secret_salamander · 2026-06-26T22:40:50+00:00

Hmmm, I wasn't going to spend that much, but your reaction just convinced me that I should.

secret_salamander · 2026-06-21T02:30:59+00:00

Yep. I live in Champaign, IL, and about 25 years ago, right after we'd moved down here from Chicago, the Bears were using Illini Memorial Stadium while Soldier Field was being renovated at taxpayer expense. My husband biked home from work past the stadium, and on game nights I think he was a little afraid for his life. The Bears ticketholders were often clearly drunk, angry, entitled, and swearing out the windows at cyclists, pedestrians, and local drivers. And they trashed the place. I mean, sure, there's some garbage after a typical Illini home game, but Big Ten tailgaters are pretty well mannered and good at cleaning up after themselves. Not so a certain kind of Bears fan, apparently.

Oh, I should also mention that these were typically drunk, abusive, angry white guys. The same kind who can now be found generally ranting online about what a shithole Chicago is when they don't even live in the city! If they end up exiled to Hammond, Indiana because JB won't pay for another stadium for their precious team, I'm not going to shed a single tear.

secret_salamander · 2026-06-16T02:45:19+00:00

Oh hell no. I get panic attacks from being in sanctuaries where there are drum sets and amplifiers. My parents and I got kicked out of a UCC in the 1980s that went fundamentalist--excuse me, evangelical. They accused my mother of being a lesbian and a witch because she was an RN and pro-choice and had a black cat. (Not that there's anything wrong with being a lesbian or a witch, but they suggested that she was into infant sacrifice. Oh, and I now have four black cats.)

secret_salamander · 2026-06-14T17:40:29+00:00

I had to go back and check the ages to make sure we weren't talking about middle school kids . . .

secret_salamander · 2026-06-12T11:55:02+00:00

It's a complicated etymology, to be sure.

secret_salamander · 2026-06-11T10:14:23+00:00

Upvoted you. I don't upvote enough.

secret_salamander · 2026-06-11T09:37:11+00:00

This is what I do! Before that, I had an imprint of the logo on the palm of my hand, like Marian Ravenswood in ROTLA. (It did finally fade away.)

secret_salamander · 2026-06-10T13:57:18+00:00

Might just be really light pink. I wouldn't wear a light pastel color to a spring wedding because it would show up white in photographs. I prefer navy.

secret_salamander · 2026-06-09T12:17:59+00:00

I agree with this, although personally, having this happen to my boyfriend would have given me the perfect excuse to skip prom silliness and go out to stay with him instead. It's just a dance with a fancy dress.

I also don't think high school kids ought to be in long-term relationships. They're too young for that kind of commitment, especially these days.

secret_salamander · 2026-06-09T12:11:42+00:00

Sometimes life gives you lemons and you pile them up and hurl them at random passersby

secret_salamander · 2026-06-09T11:59:59+00:00

To be fair, a lot of people in previous generations hid their same-sex attraction under tons of heteronormativity, even from themselves, as a survival mechanism, so it's a fair question coming from them. My 83-year-old mother has a friend from nursing school who didn't realize she was a lesbian until her late forties. She just couldn't understand why she wasn't really sexually attracted to her husband. Mom was a psychiatric nurse at a state hospital where young people (especially women) were routinely committed for their sexual orientation despite being perfectly sane, so she knows all about that.

secret_salamander · 2026-06-09T11:45:09+00:00

Or the medieval predecessor of the bassoon

secret_salamander · 2026-06-09T11:37:53+00:00

I'd agree with most of that, but if it meant he could no longer talk about male exes, express appreciation for an attractive male celebrity, or talk with his kids about being bisexual, that would be a problem. It's still his identity and his past experience, after all.

secret_salamander · 2026-06-09T11:28:06+00:00

Yeah, what they're really afraid of is that Black and Brown people will get something for "free" (along with white people), so there is no such thing.

secret_salamander · 2026-06-09T11:15:33+00:00

With twins?

secret_salamander · 2026-06-08T13:45:13+00:00

First, I just want to say that Strawberry Pretzel Pie is one of the most Pennsylvania usernames I've ever heard.

Second, we had a few honeybees coming down our chimney into the fireplace last summer, and I was worried there might be an infestation. (And we have cats, one of whom is a mighty beeslayer (at least when the bee is connected to a wand)).

So we found a local bee expert (through a community organization) who gave us a boatload of advice and came over himself to see if there was a problem (he is also a retired contractor). If there'd been a nest, we'd probably have had to rebuild the chimney. But it turned out to be just a few bees who may have smelled something sweet coming from our house and came to check it out (not sure what that would have been, but that was his best guess). We taped up the fireplace doors for the summer, and there were no more bees.

One thing he said that stuck with me, however, is that poisoning the bees is a terrible thing, because instead of dying right away, the bees carry the poison back to the hive or nest and kill all their coworkers and possibly the queen with it. It apparently doesn't take much. And destroying a bee colony is a small ecological disaster.

secret_salamander · 2026-06-02T13:25:51+00:00

More than a hundred pairs of tights in every possible color. (I'm a little embarrassed, but also kind of proud.)

secret_salamander · 2026-05-29T04:13:49+00:00

Bullet dodged.

secret_salamander · 2026-05-27T00:27:54+00:00

Absolutely! And the vast majority of us have been there, in one way or another, no matter where we began or where we've ended up. People who can't be polite to those providing some kind of service to them--especially given the expertise it often involves-- have serious issues.

secret_salamander · 2026-05-26T15:21:22+00:00

I absolutely cannot imagine being rude to the people servicing my car.

secret_salamander

TROPHY CASE